I don't know how to not sound like a big "B" about this to SO......
If you've read one of my previous blogs, BM signed both SDs up for dance w/o consulting SO (they have 50/50 custody). He just found out all the logistics and basically she said, "Anything you can do to help pay or purchase would be appreciated. Maybe you can check Ebay or resale shops for leotards, shoes, etc. Or maybe "CanI" has a student or former student that was in dance and would be willing to part with some things for SDs." (HA! Like I'm going to help find that stuff! If you didn't want to discuss with SO ahead of time, this should ALL fall on your shoulders, lady!)
SO is in his final semester of school (not working) and has no more loan money, so he has no income to help pay for any of it (and he would have explained that IF she had asked him about this). It's costing $100/month and she didn't specify if it's $100 per child or $100 for both of them ... and she didn't care to find out what his class schedule is like this fall in order to see if he could even take them to dance ... UGH! ClassES are 3 hours one night a week. So gets out of class 45 minutes before they are supposed to be there ... his school is 20 minutes from theirs (or possibly Gma's if she's going to be picking them up from school on those days for him!) ... and then they are about 15 minutes from where dance is to be held. I just don't see how this is going to work out
As he was discussing this with her when he went (last minute yet again) to get SDs and ex-ss, she said, "Well WE were thinking if you can just get them to dance on that evening, then WE can pick them up and keep them that night and you can take them a non-dance night on my week instead." (WE is referring to her and her bf of just under 2 years ... funny he is involved in stuff but heaven forbid me, the one who's been around 4 years and has bought so much more than was ever asked or done so much for her daughters, be involved in any decisions/dicussions/etc) Anyway, OOOOOOOOOH! She tried to switch one night earlier this year when SD12 and bf's daughter (8?) weren't getting along so well. SO told her no when she asked because it just didn't work out with his schedule and what she wanted to do and he wasn't keen on just having them mid-week for only one night. He's kind of thinking BM & bf scheduled dance this way to get him to do this mid-week one night switch. The night she is now suggesting doesn't work b/c SO doesn't have class the next day and since we are going to be on an extremely limited budget his last semester, he's not making a 1/2 hour trip when it's not needed.
So, my suggestion to him was to email his school schedule to BM and inform her this whole dance thing is her doing, she didn't care to consult him ahead of time and she can deal with getting them to dance (even on his week) and a mid-week one night switch isn't feasible either so she can either keep them after dance on his week or bring them to our house because he's not going to spend 3+ hours waiting around for them to finish dance class!
I have a feeling he's going to bend ... BM manipulates him soooooo bad and he always just caves rather than "make waves" (i.e. he WILL NOT stand up to her and it drives me bonkers!). I am adjusted to every other week and do NOT want to deal with just one night on his off week of having them here ... how do I say that to him w/o sounding like a big BIT**?
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Comments
try and make it all his idea,
try and make it all his idea, whe he waivers, remind how bad it's going ot fcuk up his school stuff and how the new schedule works weel and it's not in the skids or anybody's but bm's best interest to star switching things up. keep telling him: "she did this w/out consulting you, it's not your job to wrap up the loose ends"
if that doesn't work, just say NO
That's pretty much what I
That's pretty much what I told him (this is her doing and she can deal with it all b/c she didn't consult you) when he came home and gave me all the info and he's the one that said it all sounds kind of fishy to him, like she's still trying to get him to do the mid-week one night switch after he refused this past winter and enrolling them in dance would sort of "force him" to do it ... I just hope he sticks to his guns about it all.
good luck, if he's anything
good luck, if he's anything like my dh, he'll cave.. and some how it will all be your fault b/c you hate his kids.
No, our finances are not
No, our finances are not together! NO WAY!!! The measly amount he does get in CS barely covers his gas for the weeks when he does have them. I am not participating in this at all except reminding him she did this w/o consulting him and what my opinion is as to what he should do/say when he asks. (BM doesn't communicate with me ... she refuses (after 4 years) to even make my acquaintance ... so I know she won't ask me directly. BUT she has told him in the past, "Well ask your gf" or "Borrow it from your gf.")
Oh yes! She's so upset that
Oh yes! She's so upset that he's NOT a truck driver (she forged his signature when they were married to sign him up for truck driving school) or that he didn't finish some medical program like she did and encouraged him to do when they were married and that he is actually listening to me about pursuing HIS OWN INTEREST and that he and I will end up having a better life than his factory job he had while they were married and she was finishing some medical degree ...
I'd tell him your thoughts
I'd tell him your thoughts and that if he does go along with it, you are not going to pay for it. The point is, BM should talk to him first before making these decisions. If you don't stop her at some point, she will keep doing it. It's not about the girls dancing. It's about control and hoop jumping.
Someone else told me he
Someone else told me he shouldn't bother sending BM his class schedule as she will just use it to manipulate him to do something else later on ... simply tell her "I can't do it because it doesn't work out with my schedule. YOU made this decision on your own, YOU figure out what needs to be done. I will take my children on my weeks as scheduled. If you want them ONE night b/c of dance, fine, but I'm not taking them on your week." I LIKE THIS PLAN!