I posted a few weeks ago about BM signing both SDs up for dance without consulting SO about his schedule, ability to help pay, etc. When she finally discussed it with him to tell him when classes are, etc., she said, "I know you don't have a lot of money to help with the costs so whatever you can help out with is appreciated." And she went on to say maybe he can find shoes or leotards on ebay from time to time when he might have a little extra money. (And the woman who has never spoken to me or said one nice thing about me in almost 4 years also had the nerve to suggest I ask students and former students if they have former dance gear!) Yesterday, as she's requesting an earlier exchange of SDs, she tells him he needs to buy their shoes for their first class this week. He told her he won't have any money until he gets CS next week (even then it's under $50 so who knows what dance shoes he can buy and have gas money, etc). She said she has bought a bunch of other stuff and he has to buy these. Then she went on to say she could buy them on Monday but he HAS to pay her back. I just looked at him and said, "Well if you can come up with the money and want to buy them, go ahead, but you know what the rest of our budget looks like if you don't have gas money and I don't have extra (was FINALLY able to purchase a newer car after 8 years!!) at all now. Plus she initially told you 'whatever you can help with' after she went and did ALL of this dance stuff without talking to you.' So you do what you feel you need to or want to. Just realize if you need money after buying it, I won't have it."

Later, we were sitting on the couch, he was on his email and looked at me and said, "If you were emailing someone about my daughters, would you call them 'my girls'?" I told him no and that I always refer to them as his girls or the girls when talking about them. Apparently BM's bf emailed the dance people to find out specifically what his daughter and the SDs needed so they could start looking into costs and he said "I'd like to see what my girls need." Now, SO doesn't usually get worked up over the things BM's bf is involved with. He's very civil and understanding that he's part of their lives and he actually has taken the time to talk to the man (unlike BM with me). He has referred to them as his "family," said he loves them, etc. on Facebook and SO has never been offended. I have NEVER put that kind of wording out publicly as I know BM would have the fit of all fits if I had. I've respected those boundaries ... and yes, I consider them family even if I'm not married to their father, and yes, I do love them (not like I would my own children, but I do love them). But, that's just been my way of not causing issues. So, now in my head, I'm getting all emotional and about to cry b/c it's just eating away at me that BM's bf says these things and I know what kind of backlash would have happened if I had ever said such things after being around only 2 years (and only a year of living with them). I wanted to cry but I held it in. And then he told me she informed him that bf would be gone the day the girls have dance class after the last discussion was that they would go ahead and pick up SDs after dance class and keep them that night. Go figure! Now, after being in class all day, picking up SDs from school, finding something to kill time for nearly 3 hours after school before dance (30+ minutes away from where we live), SO has to find something to do to pass the time DURING their dance class - he was told it's about 3 hours. Again no respect for his time, for OUR time when the girls are here. I just looked at him and said, "I'm sick of this BS. I don't say too much about it, but now it's affecting our time w/SDs and even this weekend w/o them! This is just inconsiderate and I'm not ok with it. I wish you would tell her she planend all this dance crap and did NOT consult you about any of it ahead of time and tell her SHE has to figure it out. You have an additional class this semester to make sure you graduate this semester. Your time is not to be wasted or used without any consideration. It just seems like it doesn't even bother you." He agreed w/me but yet didn't say whether or not he would say anything to her. GRRRR!

A little later today she phones him to discuss him getting SDs early (oh and yes ex-ss too! Of course!). I was busy working out so in a different room and didn't know she called. When I came back in he said "Well you missed the argument with the ex." I asked what happen and I guess she told him she found a bunch of dance stuff on sale and with some coupons and spent about $100 and he needs to give her $50 today when he gets SDs. He told her he has $0 right now and cannot give her any. She went on about how she doesn't have gas money for the week since she bought this stuff... blah blah blah. Oh well! Not OUR problem! He again told her he has no money and when he does have some extra he will give some towards dance. I said, "No! You were not consulted in this. You have NO responsibility. Fine if you want to take them to class since you'll be over that way already. But she told you to help when and if you can. And you can't. You are on an extremely limited budget and now that I have purchased a newer vehicle I cannot help you as much as I have." He said "Well maybe when the rest of my grant money comes in I'll have some extra." I told him he's not listening to me. SHE did this. SHE made the decision. SHE deals with the ramifications of not discussing it ahead of time. NOT YOUR PROBLEM! I then said, "When she brings it up again or when you see her today, you just need to put this statement on repeat ... NO MATTER what she says, how she makes you fell, how she sounds, etc. Tell her repeatedly 'YOU did not consult me on an activity YOU decided to sign them up for. Therefore, I have no obligation with said activity. I will do my part as their father on my week to get them to dance, but I will not stay 3 hours and take them back with me. YOU are going to have to deal with what YOU did ... financially and timewise.'" He agreed so we'll see what happens .... and then he asked me to go with him to meet her (even though if she wants him to take them a day early I think she should be bringing them to us) and I said, "Nope. I really don't care to see her right now and I am afraid I cannot control my words in front of SDs."