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Brystal41's picture

Submitted by Brystal41 on Thu, 01/21/2021 - 6:31am

I'm still in this relationship, I have nowhere to go, no family here, no job ATM. Him and His adult daughter are always secretly texting in the same house or talking low to where I can't hear. They go shopping together but he never wants to shop with me. He stays in the car. And they say I love you about 50 times a day. She has also walked from the bathroom to the bedroom butt naked and his door was open he said he lowered his head but he always tells me he has great prefro vision. She straightens his hair for him. She is always asking him if he is okay. He calls her baby, sweetheart, sweetie, babydoll, honey in the most affectionate ways. I can hear it in his voice. And every time I mention anything about her, he goes off the handle. He hurt me when he said that she is the love of his life and that she helps me pay bills, etc. I don't work because he said he won't watch my little girl for me. He makes me clean his house and she is an adult and she doesn't have to do anything in their home. He also told me that. He said this is not your home. This is mine and my babygirls home and it will never be yours. He says he loves me, no he doesn't. He tells me I'm a narcissist. I just want to feel wanted and loved and important. I try not to cry because why should I cry over someone who doesn't give two cents about me. He tells me I make no sense when I talk. And today I found a pregnancy test in the garbage can. His adult daughter hasn't had a bf in 6 months. He tells me I'm jealous over his beautiful adult daughter. Maybe I just want to feel loved too. Cause when he tells her he loves her. Its so very loving and affectionate. Maybe I'm just crazy, idk. But I've hardley ever been wrong about certain situations. He also watches her. When I cook supper they don't eat my food. They go out to eat and bring it back here in front of me and my little girl. Luke they are too good to eat what I cook. He says me and my kids mess up their home, my son is visiting. I'm sorry for venting. I just want someone to talk too. I guess....someone who understands. Someone who won't criticize me or make me feel worthless. On my bfs birthday. I was also told that she is the only one who bakes his cake and that will never change. He said I'm the one who said something to her and I never did. So I don't do anything for his bday. That's their day. He wants me and her as I take it and.I will not do that. Its sickening to me! But also hurtful because I actually thought he loved me. They also buy each other things like she bought his body wash, etc...and he goes and picks her up things. He always tells me he is a good man and that I will never find someone better than him. When I mention anything about his daughter, he will tell me you got a problem with that!? Real hateful like. So I keep my mouth shut. I really thought that I had found the right one.  It hurts don't get me wrong because I fell in love with this man. 

Comments

lieutenant_dad's picture

Submitted by lieutenant_dad on Thu, 01/21/2021 - 7:04am

She's the wife he isn't allowed to have sex with. You're a concubine - good enough to sleep with, and good enough to maintain his home.

Call your family, see if someone will let you live with them and give you a loan to move. Then GO. This is abusive to you, and the longer you stay, the longer you show your daughter that this kind of behavior and treatment is okay.

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Thu, 01/21/2021 - 7:25am

This is a yucky, emotionally abusive situation. Please reach out for some help to get yourself out of there. Can you move back with family that lives out of the area? Is your daughter his? I hope not, that makes it easier to get out.

At the very least, please find yourself a therapist who can help you get strong enough to figure out a way to leave.

Stepdrama2020's picture

Submitted by Stepdrama2020 on Thu, 01/21/2021 - 7:28am

Get the fck out of there. The incest is oozing out of those two.

Leave before you have zero self esteem and then you will never leave. Think of your daughter, do you want her in this sick environment. Who knows maybe he will start after your baby girl when she is older. GROSS!

The guy is abusive to you. He already has a wife and it aint you.

Swallow that bitter truth and raise yourself and your little girl up. 

 

justmakingthebest's picture

Submitted by justmakingthebest on Thu, 01/21/2021 - 7:46am

Ok, so you are in a disgusting and highly disfunctional relationship. What are you going to do about it? You are not helpless and you are not trapped. I am going to make a couple of assumptions here- correct me if I am wrong because I am getting the vibe that you aren't married to him.

Short Term:

  • Contact your local women's shelter and see if they can help with anything for your escape.
  • Apply for FAFSA and enroll in your local community college for some kind of quick program that can help lead you to a career path. (Phlebotomy, Accounts Payable/Receivable clerk, Cosmotology, etc)
  • If you have to, get a credit card for a few weeks of daycare  todo it, but there are programs for single parents to get free daycare. 
  • Find a job. Any job. Start saving every penny.
  • If your child is his, file for child support. If your child is not his, hopefully you are getting some sort of child support.
  • MOVE OUT. If you have a friend or family member that can help you for a month or 2 until you can get some funds saved up, that would be best, but if not, open your own account and start stashing every penny you can. 

Long Term:

  • Finish college or higher certificate program.
  • Get your own apartment, home, whatever.
  • Don't ever get back into a situation like this again. Know the signs. Look for those red flags!!!!

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Thu, 01/21/2021 - 8:26am

Yes, this is a good point - she is likely eligible for public assistance until she can get on her feet.

PokaDotty's picture

Submitted by PokaDotty on Thu, 01/21/2021 - 8:16am

Agree with going to a women's shelter. This is just mind boggling. Imagine if you stay.. would you be babysitting the BF & SD's kid and cleaning up after the happy family? Ew

queensway's picture

Submitted by queensway on Thu, 01/21/2021 - 10:13am

Everything you wrote is shocking. But the one that stands out the most to me is him telling you, you will never find anyone better than him. The scum on the bottom of a rusty bucket is better than him. Get out. Do whatever you can to find support. Just do it.

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Thu, 01/21/2021 - 10:34am

You sound VERY sad and lost and hurt in your 2 posts.

What you have described is Emotional Incest and you are suspecting actual incest. And you are probably right.

How old are you? How many kiddos do you have? Are you married? Are the children his?

All these things are important if you want good solid advice.

However NONE of that is important to the thing you must do both short term AND long term: get out.

Please start saving pennies if you can. Somehow. Get a job being a nanny or housecleaning. Anything.

Look into financial aid, and womens aid for child care. Please please please dont stay because its easier. Doing the right thing is almost always hard. But you must for yourself and your child(ren)

Stepmonster90's picture

Submitted by Stepmonster90 on Thu, 01/21/2021 - 12:06pm

Just go, anywhere seems better than at there. Sorry, I hate this for you. Good luck. 

yougotthis's picture

Submitted by yougotthis on Thu, 01/21/2021 - 5:32pm

This guy sounds nasty and abusive. RUN! I would not want to live there ESPECIALLY with my young daughter. Get the hell outta there! RED FLAGS!!!!!!!! 

Brystal41's picture

Submitted by Brystal41 on Mon, 01/25/2021 - 8:51pm

I've got a job interview in a few days. Hope everything works out good. I will be looking for a place for my lo and myself. I can't handle it, I also have anxiety and depression. And it doesn't help with the predicament I am in. I feel like I have to walk on eggshells for her and him. Its just like tonight, him and her joke around and laugh and he fixed her plate and put in the microwave for her for when she got home. I think after this, I really don't want to be in any relationship at all anymore. I don't really think I will ever be loved by someone who truly loves me for who I am. The other day I told him that he puts his daughter up on a pedestal and he yelled at me and told me damn right I do. I just feel lonely and worthless but I'm gonna try and get on my own two feet. I have low self esteem and I just feel like I'm not good enough for anyone. I go to the bathroom and cry silently at times. I feel uncomfortable here? Is it.normal to feel that way. I'm trying. I am scared to be out on my own. I was in a relationship for 25 years and it wasn't the best either and now  this one. Maybe I just need to be alone. He tells me i dont know how to act in a relationship too. He says i know nothing about being inlove. No my lo is not his daughter. He just makes mW feel bad about myself like my teeth are bad, okay and he knew this when he got with me and now he says that he can't be seen with me in a round about way because of my teeth. We get into it and says he will never do that again or this and that and he will go buy me something and tells me he is sorry and also tells me to stop pretending your the victim here