Question about 18yr old Senior in HS (next year)
Hello!
I've not yet posted before, but I have read the blogs and postings for years in regards to my SS17. Even though I never posted, all of you ladies have helped me in ways that I can't even thank you enough for. 
Here is my question. My SS17 will be turning 18 in August of 2016, and will be a Senior at that time, graduating in 2017. He doesn't have the best relationship with his mom, but it's bearable for him, and there are times he asks me questions because I am "safe", meaning not a parent who's going to go bat shit crazy on him.
He wanted to know if, when he turns 18, does he really have to still follow the CA? My DH and BM are still actually doing a custody calendar and my SS17 is NOT allowed at the other house unless it's that parents time. (Me:????? WTF???) I told him that in MY perception ONLY, no he did not. At 18, if he wanted to drop out of HS and join the military, he could, and neither parent could say a word. AND, the CA only states "Minor Child", which, after he's 18, he is not a minor child. There is no CS going between the houses. (BM would have had to pay DH and she wasn't about to do that, so everything is taken care of at each house.)
I'd like to hear opinions, or any links to show me something for the State of OH, Cuyahoga County. I can't find anything on the websites, but I may not be looking in the right places.
Thank you again!!
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Comments
"if he wanted to drop out of
"if he wanted to drop out of HS and join the military, he could"
Is this just hypothetical? Because as far as I know, you can't join the military without a diploma or a GED.
You have to have a diploma,
You have to have a diploma, they won't accept you if you only have a GED. In times of high conflict it's different but right now the military is downsizing.
Thank you for your comments.
Thank you for your comments. I know that it is up to his parents, but I think he feels like he's just a possession that neither one wants to "give" the other any leeway. He's a pretty good kid; good grades, high ranking swimmer in the NE OH, focused. I think when it comes to being able to be where he wants to be, he feels powerless. If he asks my DH if he can stay at his mom's for whatever reason, he says yes, but then talks to BM about it being a "switch" day. (And vise versa.) Poor kid, I feel bad for him.
The sad thing is, when I was talking with SS17, I told him it's too bad his mom didn't have a child with his SF, maybe he wouldn't have been in the middle of it all. SS17 said, "I wouldn't wish for another kid to have her as a mom. It's really hard sometimes to even like her." She's not the worst, but she does have some sort of rage disorder that she was dx'd with when married to my DH. I've had it pointed in my direction, and that is when I disengaged. (When SS17 was 7.) I let him come to me for whatever type of relationship he wanted, and he did his freshman year. So, I try to be supportive, but I don't go over the top. I tell him it's my opinion, and not the be-all-end-all.
I'll talk with him when he is here again, and let him know that he can look into it. Do you think he could get a consultation only with a lawyer, just to see what the law is?
In my experience it's really
In my experience it's really hard to force a teen to follow a custody agreement or be forced to live with or visit a parent that they don't want to. They can meet with a judge and have their side heard after they are 12 in most states. It would be stupid and expensive to fight about custody with a 17 year old.
LOL! Ninji!! TOTALLY
LOL! Ninji!! TOTALLY hypothetical!! I do NOT want him to drop out of HS, he's got to much going for him. He wants to make the Olympic trials for swimming. No, HS is too important for where he wants to be in life. Like he tells us, he's got some pretty lofty goals for himself and he doesn't want to let himself down.
I think his dad would be more
I think his dad would be more open to an "open door" type of visitation if BM would. As it stands, she pays 100% for private school, and the school he goes to is linked to his National Swimming Association. (Long story, DH pays none of school, since SS17 could have gone for free at his school district that is ranked #6 in the state.) So, if SS17 tries to stand up for himself, she says she is no longer paying for his school. So, he backs down. He knows that he is always welcome here, no matter what.
I really wish there was a
I really wish there was a like button for this one!!
My opinion is probably not
My opinion is probably not the popular one.
SS wants to swim. He has this opportunity at the private school BM is paying for.
He is turning 18 right before his senior year.
18 may be legal adult, but he is still in high school. If he accepts BM's money for school, he should be willing to continue visitation.
If he doesn't want to continue visitation he should be fine with changing schools.
Of course SS could refuse to go and sue for the tuition. There have been cases like this in the courts. But if he does his father could end up paying part of it also.
And that is it in a nutshell.
And that is it in a nutshell.
I think SS17 is resigned to that fact, because truly, at this point if he's not been able to reason with her, she's not going to give anytime soon.
Sucks for him. Being a pawn is hard to deal with. Especially when you KNOW that you are pawn against the other parent.
Mom is graciously paying
Mom is graciously paying tuition for an adult. He wants to be an adult and make adult decisions - they have adult consequences. He wants mom's $$$. He visits mom. I wouldn't not pay a dime for a child that refused to visit me unless a court made me.
I totally agree. SS17 is with
I totally agree. SS17 is with her 70% with DH having 30%. SS17 would like the option of coming over here on days that are not "DH's" (like Sundays to watch the Steelers play), but he's "not allowed". It's not that he doesn't want to be at her house, but would like the option of being able to see his dad more than what he does. Even going out to dinner after school is not allowed. I can see his frustrations, and my DH is just hoping that once he has graduated, that she doesn't make it unbearable still. I wouldn't care so much if he wasn't a good kid. And our DD's adore him, and he misses hanging out with them.
Oh well, what's one more year?
"All this woman is doing is
"All this woman is doing is ensuring that he never steps foot in her house again once he graduates high school, but I guess BM will learn the hard way."
As a mom, that is what makes me feel bad for her....to a point. She'll have brought it on herself. And the using analogy is a good one. The last time he tried to talk with her rationally was about a month ago, and he called his dad in a panic because she chased him out of the house. I'll try to come up with some ways for him to start a conversation with her where it doesn't put her on the defensive. Sometimes, he does have a problem saying what he means in a voice reflection that isn't appropriate.
Thank you all!! I do appreciate it!!
I found on Facebook a man who
I found on Facebook a man who makes handmade, solid wood benches and customizes them. I had him make a Steeler's one for my DH's birthday last year. It looks just like their stripy uniform. We also have "just born" pics of both girls wrapped up in their terrible towels!!