tHANKS SO MUCH FOR YOUR COMMENTS. and to know I'm not nuts and you guys understand how it feels. No thankfully I didn't marry him even tho we were sposed to I realized he had problems and wasn't going to change. so thank God and my intuition for that. I feel the resentment building and it's not pretty, and the triangel thing is sickening, and yes, his relationship with his daughter is too exclusive he clearly stated to me he would sacrifice 'our' relationship for her. And now he's doing the same thing with his son. It is completely disrespectful and makes me want to do all kinds of weird things. I definately plan on reading stepmonster, and yes, you are right I do have lots of time now that I'm not kissing their butts.
In fact, it is unbelievable how rude they both are. The apple does not fall far from the tree that's for sure. At this point I am just worried that I will lose my share of the house if I leave, which would be completely unfair. But I just cannot picture another year or more of this crap.
I was bullied into putting his name on the deed, just cuz he gave me ten thou for the down payment. I just want to get OUT now and realize I was in love with a selfish bully who will always be in love with his daughter. It is really hopeless.

I wish it were that easy. He isnt' my hubby, but I did put him on the deed like a fool. Back when I was doing anything to please him about seven years ago. I didn't have to but he bullied me into it. Go figure, love is blind and dumb. So I can't lock him out of his own house.CAN I>? Should I try telling his son to move out? Or would that make things worse? I really just want to end the relationship and get rid of the both of them...but that is probably a pipe dream.... I think all I can do is try to legally force the sale of our home so we can split up. Yes it is a mess. And I am sick of hearing him and his son happily using my kitchen, living room etc. while I hide out in the bedroom. YES, I know I am being SHIT on and I plan on doing something about this mess, because the rose colored glasses are OFF.
Its just really hard to think about leaving my home, and it seems so unfair. It almost seems like he is trying to drive me out.

Yeah I Know I shouldn't keep waiting because I know life is short. thanks again for your feedback. And support, and wise words. They really are comforting right now, and I think your kind words of experience will help me navigate these rough waters. and I know You're both so right, I need to be proactive, and get in there and make some changes. somehow. It just seems so hard when your'e tired after a long day of work and just want things to be better somehow magically. ...The anger I have inside is wearing me down since I;m not sure which direction to go. I need to get up the nerve to do what you did and tell him it's the end if he doesn't do something...I hate to say it but right now I feel no love for him at all. He has disappointed me in so many ways, and the situation with his D...I promised myself a long time ago after my divorce, that I would NOT settle for a bad relationship for any reason, or be with a liar. And here I am again in that situation. Well, Thanks again for all the support, and yes I will be consulting a lawyer. Will let you know what happens. And Arizona, as far as being a counselor, I think that is a fantastic goal, and you will certainly be helping many people...what a wonderful thing

Scuze me , I meant hotmamma.

Hi Folks...THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH for your replies and support. You don't know how much this means to me!!!
I have bored my family with this for so long, I don't want to keep bouncing my latest stories off of them. They all feel for me but have their own lives and doing well. It is not so easy as paying him the ten thou...believe me I have tried that already. He refuses to leave and conveniently forgets that he never would have been half owner of this place without me. He absolutely acts like he has put a fortune into the house, and I have done nothing which is not true. This summer I spent $1,200 for a new roof for our shed, which is now housing all of his sons crap. I know that to get him out will be next to impossible, as his ex wife took their house, his gold and money, and he got screwed because he didn't show up in court. I know if we split up he will be on top of it, and fight me all the way. He refuses to sell, and expects that if we ever do, it is worth twice what it really is. He has no sense of reality, and changes history to suit his fancy. The big thing I have going for me is I am smarter, and I have kept records and receipts, so he can't say I haven't been carrying my weight. I have my old property out in the country, I am renting out, and he is jealous of the money I get for rent, jealous of anything good that happens to me. I guess cuz he's got nothing but trou ble , well...such is his karma. Anyway, I am not a ripoff, but YES I want to be happy, and slowly realizing that HE WILL NEVER CHANGE. I won't wait forever for a good life, so off to a lawyer tomorrow. I have felt awful long enough!!!!!
PS he is constantly changing things in the living room, adding his 'ALASKA; magazines and books his DD gives him with her little signatures 'ALL my LOVE...DAD' you're the most important man in my life, etc...ad nauseum...I am so glad you folks can relate to me, how bad and awful it feels to be second, or third, or whatever, and never first. YES he is a sick bstrd. and I can't fix him. Soon I will know what and if I can get him out or if we will be forced to sell. THANKS again for your comments.!!! Youre the best!

WOW thanks for your help. Actually I think you have some great ideas. I will definately not leave the property, after what 'eyes wide open' advised. I have put everything my dad left me and then some into this place for the past eight years. I will not give up my equity in the house. Soon I will know more after I get legal advice. Being the only one on the mortgage may come to be my advantage.
LOVE YOU for all you do to help me and others make the same mistakes over n over.
And you guys make me laugh, yes, deer in headlights, wher's the sofa?
FUNNY

I just want to say, nobody in my fam really gets it like you guys (gals) do. It is incredible to get such a response and I am really feeling empowered after eight years of giving in to the KING and trying to please.My answer has usually been to say Im sorry, even tho I did't do anything wrong. This time even tho being guilt tripped tonite by my oldest daughter 9on the phone to just kiss him and make up if I love him. Well what's to love,?
His huge problem with NON communication???. anyway...I will not say I;m sorry this time, again...after doing so and being rebuffed just last week. It is not worth giving up my pride for this sick dance of power control whatever. Could it be that I am just FULL. ??? I feel full like I hit a wall, my limit, and I'm just done.
He doesn't know how to say he's sorry, and even tho he seems like he may be weakening tonight I refuse to give in and make the first move,
It feels a lot like a chess game.
We are not married. He asked me to about five years ago, and I said yes. We never really made serious wedding plans, and problems were arising, he wasn't listening to my wants or needs, around the wedding, and he just didn't take part in any planning. Then about a week before the date we had picked out he demanded, are you going to marry me or what? cuz I need to know. I said , NO, I'm not going to have some backyard chicken barbeque wedding, I told you that, and besides, I want a honeymoon. He said Well, V, his DD, had been planning all summer to come down. I said well Im not marrying your DD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11
I refused to go thru with it even tho I was in love, cuz of his relationship with his DD. It has and always will be a problem, I had no idea when we first got together cuz she was engaged to be married and living far away. Now she is not so much of a problem , but after two years it's now his thirty year old son.

WOW THANKS AGAIN to y;all. I so appreciate your support and comments. I really resonate with what your stories are and how similar the patterns. I researched the common-law situation and it doesn;t exist here in OR, ...so apparently that will make it somewhat easier to separate our assets....but unfortunately I;m pretty sure it will be oh so difficult and expensive (attorneys are not cheap as you know) to get rid of him. I regret that I made such a serious mistake when I added the BF (more appropriate to call him that than DH) to the deed. He has got the perfect situation, the mortgage and most of the utilities in my name only, but on the deed. The BF is extremely attached to this house, he claims he put his life savings into it, and I will confirm that he has put a lottta work and money into it, but so have I. So, I have to be very careful, because I know he will make my life a literal hell if he decided I'm the enemy. We are going on our eight day of silent treatment. And has shown absolutely no effort to make up. After a stupid tiny fight over a pillow. I pulled the pillow from under his head in the night...and he got completely furious!!! He will blow up out of nowhere, pure rage! the level of which is frightening.
When I woke up to seeing how stubborn, and arrogant this man really is...how hurtful and selfish, how he cannot take any kind of critical comments regarding himself, or his grown kids...and especially how rude and unappreciative he and his offspring are, I just fell out of love BAM!
Hard to tolerate him right now, so I think I will take your advice and leave for a couple days. Then approach him when I am calm. Thanks for the advice, I will definitely prepare myself for THE END. even tho it is heartbreaking, and I keep second-guessing myself. This is really a difficult process, but I want to be happy, and being with the wrong man just for a house is a bad reason. I keep asking myself, do you think things will ever be different? And the answer this morning is, maybe if we sold the house and moved far away from his family. But then I would be giving up my family too, and he is NOT worth it. Besides, all that is complete fantasy, as I can't even get him to clean the gutters, let alone fix the nasty bathroom etc...and all the other repairs that are needed to get it ready to sell. In fact, now that he has brought his son's crap here, you can't even walk in the storage room or garage. It is a mess, and he is making it worse every day. I am so frustrated , I could just freak.
Anyway, I know I WIll survive, and like you said no-one can make me feel any certain way. Thanks for reminding me that, and all the other words of wisdom