DH had a 'meeting' with BM and SS20. To remind you, DH will not say a WORD to SS without BM present 'in case of her objecting' - translation: Disney Daddy.

(To recap, SS20 living full time in OUR caravan on OUR farm; extremely messy/untidy -buys lots of old car hulks and parts, leaves everything around everywhere, tools scattered to impale an animal/rust; no thought for us - comes and goes when wants with no consideration for noise, invites friends/girlfriend over without courtesy of informing us; gets paid more than we do and yet pays no rent/utilities, spends all money by week 2 of the month and scrounges more from Mummy AND Daddy; very creepy and sneaks up on me, comes in house without knocking, sweet but weird. Learning difficulties? Not diagnosed).

It turns out BM is completely on our side; is also disgusted with SS's lifestyle/attitude and lack of life skills. Sounds like she backed up everything DH was not happy with. When SS said "I don't want a phone", she hit the nail on the head and replied "no, you don't want responsibility".

His explanation was that he feels very low all the time, every critiscism/request was met with "I'm too tired/I'm too busy". When parents asked what he was eating, he is dining on garage sandwiches and MaccyD's constantly. When told he needs to cook (he has our only microwave in there, we have given him a fridge and a cooker, all cooking implements etc) - he yells "I'm not cooking". BM said he should come and live with her again for a time but he refused, saying he "likes his own space". DH (bless him) actually said SS only has his own space because we have given it to him free of charge and he is not entitled to it. DH nagged him about his untidiness and explained it could be dangerous when we have animals, SS actually moaned "I don't see why there have to be so many animals". (That did raise my heckles when DH told me... YOU, don't see why I should have animals on MY farm?!)

The upshot is (as I suspected), SS is tragically immature. However as I have constantly moaned/nagged at DH, we are doing him no favours enabling him now. DH was sad that SS is low and not happy - I once again suggested that DH could actually spend two minutes of time with his son (who lives with us FFS), maybe go over and cook with him one night a week? Mumbles/frowns/guilt but no commitment.

I am also quite annoyed that it seems no plan was made at the meeting - nothing has changed on the ground. I told DH this morning about the huge amount of mess in front of SS's caravan (that has now been there for a week - I pile it in one of his old cars when it starts to rot or looks like blowing away/getting buried - but why should I?). Next thing I know DH has to go out to a job and tells me SS is fixing his trailer in front of our house.

I bite my tongue and mutter "Oh is he now?" under my breath, DH sees my mood shift and gets angry with me again ("What do you want me to do?"), I walk off to lock myself in my house AGAIN. The cycle is not broken, nothing is changing, no progress has been made at all. Grrrrrrrrrrrrr.