Not the same
A couple weeks ago DH got after ss13 pretty good. He's been a lil a-hole for far too long. DH told him if he came with his shit ass attitude one more time he would be excluding him from fun activities. One week later he come with an over the top attitude. DH lost it on him. Made him work, bitched him out on & off while working in the yard with him for an hour & a half. Then told him the family was going to a football game & he was not going. Well... Ss had a complete turn around. We followed thru and he didn't go with us. It was hard. Really hard. He's come back to our house 4 separate times in two weeks. Each time he's had a great attitude. We are rewarding him with a football game! Well. My son had a mildly shit attitude, in comparison to SS patten of terribleness, after the fact bio son14 came to DH (his step dad) explaining why he was upset, apologizing & giving a hug. DH tells me, my son isn't going to the game as a result. I'm not happy. I didn't say a word. I don't think that's right. We warned ss13 that if it continued he wouldn't go. My son was not warned. And was no where near that bad the one time--- ss has been in a pattern since the beginning of school. I didn't say anything to DH when he told me that. But I'm upset. I'm hoping he was just upset also to have said that. He didn't tell my son that. Just me. Am I wrong for feeling this way? I feel like DH is taking it out on my son bc what we did with his son was really hard, but we have gotten good results so far with attitude.
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Difficult. DH may be thinking
Difficult. DH may be thinking he's on a roll with the new discipline approach, and/or he may be concerned about consistency and not have thought through the distinctions. How did your son take the news he would not go to the game? I think if the consequence has already been given and accepted then maybe the best thing is to explain to DH that you were a bit surprised that he went with the same punishment for BS after one incident as he did with SS for repeated incidents, and while you can see he may have been trying to be consistent, it would have been more consistent if BS had had a warning first, as SS did. Maybe you could agree a set of consequences, and a one warning policy before they are enforced?
I went to my DH and ask him
I went to my DH and ask him who was going to the game. He said bc my son came and apologized and was sweet and expressed he felt bad, he wanted him to go. I told him I thought if it became a bad habit of my sons, we definitely will tell him he will be excluded from special events if he can't figure things out but I didn't feel you go straight to top punishment for a one time offense, which was not huge. He agreed.