o m g. That is just beyond horrible, Id be upset and hurt too.
I know you'll have to let it go, but be sure he understands why your so upset and remind him how he would feel if you had done the same. Theres no reason he should be thinking about her in the bed with you!

This has happened to me as well... It was not the heat of the moment, but it sucked no less. We were moving a dresser, and he was frustrated with how I couldn't lift my end or something to that effect. He said, "damn it, Jabba" I looked at him and said "what??" he goes "I was thinking about her, I mean she was on my mind, I mean, oh fudge. Forget it!" He was completely exasperated. I was pissed.
If this happened in the bedroom I don't know what the heck I would say! Poor you!

I'm probably going to get a lot of flack for this but here goes.

Number 1. There is no excuse for him calling out her name out loud with you. This was a major faux pas and he should be kissing your ass to make up for it.

But now some honesty. Sexuality is complicated and dynamic. Most people have forms of fantasies they would never want to share with their current partner. Sometimes my husband and I share fantasies and/or edited versions of past experiences. This is not for everyone but it adds spice for us. We do not share everything. I do not ever want to know if my husband is thinking about some crazy hot experience he had with BM, but if that pops into his head every now and again, there is nothing he or I can do about it.

It is impossible for me or anyone else to tell you how you are "supposed" to feel about this or how you should handle it. Only you know the intricacies of your sex life together.

I would just caution that thoughts pop up randomly and even intentionally in most people's minds. I wouldn't spend a lot of time trying to shame him about it. I think if that had happened to me, I would prod a bit. "Tell me about it....did she do it like this? Like this" or whatever. Then I'd amp it up to the max, turn the dial up to 10 and give him a NEW hot experience to fantasize about.

Ive been on the receiving end of this and the giving end both in the bedroom with my current husband. It should be an isolated incident and if it is (which for us it was) I would let it slide. It happens.

O...M...Geeeee!

My DH called me by his second ex wifes name one time. But it was during the heat of our first argument. He was mortified and said that they used to argue a lot so that is why it popped out. I was pissed but not too bad.

It would be a TOTALLY different story if he did it when we were having a loving tender moment or sex. YUK.

I am sorry...I would freak out.

I would be pissed in the heat of the moment BUT as long as you know there are not still feelings there I wouldnt be too worried. Shit happens.

Before I was "the wife" when DH (then FDH) and I were in counseling he would be like "my wife" when referring to BM. Made me SO MAD! He's referenced her as "his wife" other times before. I think out of habit, they were married for 16 years.

as long as you know there are not still feelings there I wouldnt be too worried
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But this would make me think he still had feelings for her. I feel really bad for the OP.

I would be pissed, hurt, devastated, angry, sad, jealous, insecure and so much more...

And then I would move on. I would need some reassurance from DH that I was his number one and that he is disgusted by BM, she's in the past, she's (insert a few not nice adjectives) and all of that. I would recognize the fact that at one point in time they were married and she was his number one and in the heat of the moment sometimes our thoughts and words all get jumbled and that sucks but I can't change it so there is no use dwelling on it.

If there were indicators that he still had feelings or that there was something else going on then this would scream HUGE RED FLAG and be very difficult to look past let alone forgive.

I have called fDH my exH name on accident twice, both times I was mad and frustrated and it just screamed out. Freudian perhaps. In bed, that would crush me.

I agree I would be hurt as well. My SO always calls me by pet names. I often wonder if this is his "preventative measure"?

Names and relationships are strange to wrap our brain around. My mom had nine of us kids and she ALWAYS had to go down the list to get to the one of us she was addressing. I sometimes call my sister my daughters name and vis versa b/c their names start the same. In a really heated argument once my DH called me bm's name but only once. That was b/c they argued a lot and at the moment he said I reminded him of her. Hmmm, so then one thinks if he calls out her name just after wonderful s*x who is he thinking of...? Hopefully it's isolated and never happens again. Sorry this happened.

I like lemon' s advice. Bmnotallowed, I feel hurt for you. It would take awhile to get over.

Dh used to occasionally slip and call me by wife2 name. Our names are only one vowel sound apart. Surprised he didn't do it more often.