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BM's thou shalt not list

BMnotallowed's picture

Submitted by BMnotallowed on Fri, 10/25/2013 - 9:18am

Someone commented on my last blog that it would be a fun idea to share the list given to me by BM of what not to do when her kids are with us. If you want some comitic relief keep reading.

Don't try to boss my kids around

If they want to go somewhere with their father you do not need to tag along.

If I need to talk to my kids or their father when they are with him you are obligated to make sure they answer the phone.

Do not try getting them to call you mom they have one mother and should only be addressing you by first name.

I would appreciate you stepping back and not interfering with the time they have with their father they don't get the oppurtunity to be all over him 24\7.

Items that are sent with my children are expected to be returned in the condition they were when sent.

PDA is for the bedroom and not for the eyes of my children.

They are there to see their father not you. Keep in mind you have no children.

I send my kids to spend time with their father and to strengthen their relationship. All discipline is to be handled by their father. I feel this list is for the best of everyone involved. I'm sure you and DH will agree. You are the new wife and I know now that you live together there is an adjusment period and I just want to help things run as smoothly as possible for all of us. I hope you understand where I am coming from.

Sincerly, BM

Comments

QueenBeau's picture

Submitted by QueenBeau on Fri, 10/25/2013 - 9:22am

I would tell her about #3, #6, & #7 that "I am not their mother, so it's not my responsibility to do ANYTHING for them - or you"

BMnotallowed's picture

Submitted by BMnotallowed on Fri, 10/25/2013 - 10:12am

Lol. I pitty the next guy she drags into her cave. She will get pregnant and. Sink her claws into his wallet. Rip off his balls and stick them under her bed of bones and chain him to the wall and controll him forever. DH was lucky to crawls his way out slowlyand break free. He relized it was light outside and he could finnaly breath fresh air. The next guy may not be so lucky.

Shaman29's picture

Submitted by Shaman29 on Fri, 10/25/2013 - 11:15am

Or....

Dear BM,

I received your list and I tore right through it.

Have a nice day.

SM

realitycheckmom's picture

Submitted by realitycheckmom on Fri, 10/25/2013 - 9:39am

After hearing about the stepmom that killed her stepdaughter by slamming her head into the ground over 20 times and manually raping her with an object I am loathe to ever send my DD off with her sperm donor. The SM had three kids of her own and was upset that a 2 yr old had a potty training accident and a tantrum. Yeah and you think BM is nuts for sending the list? When you see news stories about the killer SMs you do freak. Most of us don't like our ex for his bad behaviour or whatever and cannot figure out why any sane woman would want him.

realitycheckmom's picture

Submitted by realitycheckmom on Fri, 10/25/2013 - 9:47am

I don't send lists, I am just pointing out some of these crazy BMs have reasons behind their insanity. It cracks me up at how indignant people get over stupid shit.

BM#2 never had a problem with me until her kid started calling me mom and telling her about the stuff we did together. I am not going to tell skid he cannot participate in activities I do with my DD. I did not ask him nor encourage him to call me mom, he would slip and I was the woman/mother figure he saw the most since it was too much for BM to bother to see him EOWe. After BM figured out she was "losing" her son she told DH that I was not allowed around SS because she did not know me, the same thing BM#1 did to her. DH called her out on it and pointed out that she was perfectly fine with his older kids.

In my case I would have a total background check done on sperm donors new wife before I let DD go off with them.

attempting_to_maintain_composure's picture

Submitted by attempting_to_m... on Fri, 10/25/2013 - 10:25am

womp womp.

No offense, but, you do realize that it's kind of, sort of damaging to children to take on an attitude of "the world is a completely dangerous and scary place", right?

ETA: A background check is only going to bring up things on a person's record, btw. So if your sperm donor ends up with a serial killer who was never caught, you won't know about it by doing a background check. Just sayin ^_^

realitycheckmom's picture

Submitted by realitycheckmom on Fri, 10/25/2013 - 10:59am

Actually when you do a real background check and do not sit on your lazy ass and run credit reports and arrest history you find out the truth. My child's life is worth a hell of a lot more than an easy little credit report and arrest history. BTW there is someone here with a BM that has a child abuse arrest and conviction on her record and the BM still tried to get jobs working with kids and in the healthcare fields. That just goes to show you there are stupid people out there.

As for my child she knows the world is a dangerous place if it was all sweet and safe like some people pretend to their kids it is then we would not need police officers and soldiers. My kid is pretty well adjusted and not afraid of the world but thanks for knowing so much about my kid. Smile

attempting_to_maintain_composure's picture

Submitted by attempting_to_m... on Fri, 10/25/2013 - 3:20pm

There's nothing wrong with instilling the notion that there are dangerous people in the world, not at all. But it's extreme to depict the world as a completely dangerous place, just as it is extreme to depict the world as all happy rainbows and sunshine.

Background checks are useful, but, my point is that if there is nothing listed, then the background check is for naught. Parents cannot protect their kids from all the dangers in the world and I have seen more than my fair share of kids develop severe anxiety disorders from parents who instill endless fear in them.

realitycheckmom's picture

Submitted by realitycheckmom on Fri, 10/25/2013 - 2:57pm

}:) LOL if you actually worked for the government doing anything requiring a background check you would realize they actually talk to people who you have had interactions with and in my case they went back to grade school. I do work for the government of the US and I'm not a receptionist or Secretary. Your naivete cracks me up. Don't worry about my daughter she is healthy and well adjusted. Maybe you should worry about your own parenting and your lack of ability before you attack me and others. I did not attack you, you came after me. Again, before you stick your nose in my business go mind your own. You don't want people to attack you or be condescending to you but you have no problem doing it to others.

realitycheckmom's picture

Submitted by realitycheckmom on Fri, 10/25/2013 - 10:59am

Actually when you do a real background check and do not sit on your lazy ass and run credit reports and arrest history you find out the truth. My child's life is worth a hell of a lot more than an easy little credit report and arrest history. BTW there is someone here with a BM that has a child abuse arrest and conviction on her record and the BM still tried to get jobs working with kids and in the healthcare fields. That just goes to show you there are stupid people out there.

As for my child she knows the world is a dangerous place if it was all sweet and safe like some people pretend to their kids it is then we would not need police officers and soldiers. My kid is pretty well adjusted and not afraid of the world but thanks for knowing so much about my kid. Smile

newtothis03's picture

Submitted by newtothis03 on Fri, 10/25/2013 - 10:07am

This is not a good excuse to be a psychotic control freak. I mean they just had a story in the news where a grandmother killed her 6 month old granddaughter for no apparent reason. My opinion, if BM is concerned for whatever reason, maybe she should attempt to get to know the SM rather than try to control her ex-husband's personal life. Obviously the SM and DH dated, therefore, she has been around for some time.

askYOURdad's picture

Submitted by askYOURdad on Fri, 10/25/2013 - 9:50am

Very comical... The responses are funny too, but if you guys are newly married/moved in, I have a feeling you have a long road ahead with BM, in all seriousness, this is ridiculous unacceptable and your DH needs to confront BM and basically say... While I "know where you are coming from" in that you love your children and are concerned about them, you lost the right to control me/my household when we split/divorced. My DW is part of my family and our children's family and I will not be excluding her in her own home, which is basically what this list expects."

This is a major boundaries issue and if it isn't handled immediately it will only get worse... I wish you the best as this BM will probably attempt to cause you a lot of drama

askYOURdad's picture

Submitted by askYOURdad on Fri, 10/25/2013 - 10:30am

well discussing/burning however they normally communicate either way, offense/defense, I am normally someone who hates and avoids conflict, but I don't think I could throw this away and go on I would address it in some way.... HAHA I laughed at your kindergarten joke!

Lalena75's picture

Submitted by Lalena75 on Fri, 10/25/2013 - 9:57am

Awe she;s so insecure it's revolting. I really would respond short sweet and to the point. "I'm sorry no woman gets to tell me how to run my home or marriage."
what a controlling wacko. Please tell me you laughed your ass off, because I would then screenshot it to FB for public ridicule.

newtothis03's picture

Submitted by newtothis03 on Fri, 10/25/2013 - 10:01am

DH needs to address this ASAP. He should hand her the list back and tell her to mind her own damn business, she has no control over his home. If not nipped in the butt now, it will get worse

BMnotallowed's picture

Submitted by BMnotallowed on Fri, 10/25/2013 - 10:07am

She came over and tried to talk face to face. I let her know she does not controll anything that happens in my house. She called DH to tattle and he told her to relax and that he would frame the divorce papers and hang them on her wall if she needs a reminder that she no longer controls his life. For some reason I still don't think she really gets it.

Tuff Noogies's picture

Submitted by Tuff Noogies on Fri, 10/25/2013 - 2:18pm

"Who bites someone else in the ass?" Wink i'd be careful with whoever actually answers that!

Drac0's picture

Submitted by Drac0 on Fri, 10/25/2013 - 10:10am

>I hope you understand where I am coming from.<

The fun place where your bedroom has padding on the walls and they force you to take the red pill?

misSTEP's picture

Submitted by misSTEP on Fri, 10/25/2013 - 10:25am

Yeah, I tried for a short time to "go along to get along" with BM and her ridiculous demands. Finally, I gave up because no matter how hard we tried to not "rock the boat," it would just embolden BM to make more and more stupid demands.

Onewillfullstepmom's picture

Submitted by Onewillfullstepmom on Fri, 10/25/2013 - 10:42am

I think this list would be appropriate to send back

Don't tell me how to run MY household

Don't call the house... ever, you may call DH's cell and he can give the kids the phone if they wish to speak with you.

Don't try to manipulate me or DH

You are not the queen bee of this house and you are no longer married to DH, try to remember, you have no husband, you are such a bitch that you are bitter and alone.

Being that I am married to your XDH I will be in contact with your kids and I will interact with them as I see fit in this house.

I hope you can understand the necessary adjustments that are needed and if you follow my rules this will go very smoothly for all of us Smile

whatwasithinkin's picture

Submitted by whatwasithinkin on Fri, 10/25/2013 - 12:44pm

BMnotallowed let me tell you the correct mature way to handle this.

You ignore it, your gonna do what you want to do in your house anyway so what is the difference? Why would you give her more time then you actually did to read it, Id give her not a second more thought.

Keep the letter for later if you need it for court, but other then that it doesnt exsist.

If you respond your opening a door for a war, a war the kids are going to be right in the middle of as well as your DH. And she is going to be relentless if you open that oppurtunity.

AngelOfMisery's picture

Submitted by AngelOfMisery on Fri, 10/25/2013 - 12:45pm

LOL! The BM Does not have the guts to say anything in my face for the last 6 years. She tries that control shit with my husband.

She already tried to tell him to not show any affection to me when the kids were around because it really hurts the youngest ones feeling seeing him showing affection to another woman besides her mother. OMG!!! He pretty much told her where to Go and let her know it seems funny to him that she only has this problem with him but it is okay when mama hugs up to another man on a couch.

( of course only in her sick twisted mind she thinks he still hung up on her because she knows the kids will come back and tell him stories like that. Those were back when we were first got serious and we moved in together. That crushed that BM's world when she found out he moved on)

They never married but lived together like they were. She common law divorced him but in her mind the excuse she gave me one day after we got married and she became so in rage that we got married was the fact in her head they were not done!!

That the common law divorce was a wake up call for him and during his down time he suppose to realize who his family is and come back to her later on and it didn't happen.

EvilWickedSM's picture

Submitted by EvilWickedSM on Fri, 10/25/2013 - 1:22pm

The nerve of some of these BMs! Where do they get off making these absurd demands???? I think your hubby handled it well. Kudos to him.

I can understand the sending clothes thing...although in my case I would send DD to her dad's in her school clothes, as he got her right out of school, and get her back in clothes that were too small and full of stains and holes. I did end up having to ask them to just send her back in the clothes she came in.

Onewillfullstepmom's picture

Submitted by Onewillfullstepmom on Fri, 10/25/2013 - 2:44pm

I think this list would be appropriate to send back

Don't tell me how to run MY household

Don't call the house... ever, you may call DH's cell and he can give the kids the phone if they wish to speak with you.

Don't try to manipulate me or DH

You are not the queen bee of this house and you are no longer married to DH, try to remember, you have no husband, you are such a bitch that you are bitter and alone.

Being that I am married to your XDH I will be in contact with your kids and I will interact with them as I see fit in this house.

I hope you can understand the necessary adjustments that are needed and if you follow my rules this will go very smoothly for all of us Smile

BMnotallowed's picture

Submitted by BMnotallowed on Fri, 10/25/2013 - 7:20pm

This is the road I want to go down. I just hope it doesn't take her too long to get the message. I am very tempted to use one of the responses I have gotten here today but honestly she is not worth the energy or time. I said what I had to say to her face and DH said what he had to say. If she doesn't get the picture she is just making herself look like a fool because her demanding things changes nothing. I want to stand outside tomorrow when she drops of the kids and after the kids walk in the house and she tries to say something annoying like SS needs orange juice he's sick make sure you get this brand. We will laugh in her face and I will plant a big juicy one on H tonsil hockey style and watch her eyes pop out. She would probably lose an eye starring so hard and have her mouth open so wide a fly could fly in and out. Let her tell us no PDA while we run in the house H smacking my butt. She would loos her ever loving mind.

MamaDuck's picture

Submitted by MamaDuck on Sat, 10/26/2013 - 12:53am

I got a list like this. BPD cluster-b-fucked GUBM is stupid.. and smart all at the same time.

She didn't want her list to be traced back to her if SO took it to his lawyer. One evening at pick up as she was getting in her car she THREW a piece of folded up paper at SO and said "give that to your girlfriend".

You must never do my daughters hair.
You must never paint my daughters nails.
You must never drive my daughter anywhere.
You must never sleep in the same bed as my daughter.
You must never administer my daughters medications.
You must NEVER kiss my daughter.

I threw the list out ages ago, so I can't remember the exact wording and there are quite a few other things "I must never do with her daughter" (*roll eyes). SO and I didn't respond to it at all and I most certainly have not followed it! Not to spite her though, this is my home, I have a child lead relationship with SD and I respect SO's wishes as to how I interact with his daughter (NOT BM's). Both him and SD are comfortable with the things I do and don't do with SD, and to me, that's what matters.