A Domestic Violence and torture victim I've been helping for a little over a year called me yesterday to talk. She called b/c she didn't know what else to do and her BF was out of town. We talked for about an hour and half. I was glad she called. She is all over the place and probably manic, suffering from PTSD and a host of other crap.

Last month her abuser got out of prison I called to tell her that same night she drank like a fish and ended up getting a DWI. She's never had one before. I'm glad I could calm her down a little yesterday and I'm glad she trusted me. I was still talking to her when I walked into the house.

It's good that my crazy BPD mother and her back story have helped me help these people. She said to me, the victim, "you have always been so understanding and kind and I never knew why, thanks for telling me. I don't feel so crazy"

I had so many mixed emotions after her call:
1) I'm applying for other jobs b/c we haven't had raises in a LONG time and now I don't want to go anywhere. I love these people. I make a difference for them.
2) my therapist said to really celebrate and take credit for things I do right, really be proud, so I worked on that and taking credit
3) I hate that this monster is back on the streets and I wish Dexter existed outside of a television show
4) the fact that I have so much in common with this person is scary. It's a realization of how shitty my upbringing really was and I know and tell people that they can break the cycles but when you watch people go through them over and over you wonder if really thats true at all.
5) i felt compassion (but still want him to die) for the monster - he was abused as a kid and tortured the same way he's torturing these women he has a past 13 victims that's just in one city in our county that are documented
6) I wanted SO and to tell him what all happened but I also needed my alone time to process all of this crap.
7) everything SS was doing was irritating the complete shit out of me and really he wasn't doing too much. I don't need to smile in his face in order for him to be a decent human being, he's going to have to get over that. sometimes my work is hard and emotional and for him to think everything must revolve around him erks me all to hell. I'm going to be more vocal about it but I wasn't in a state to do so yesterday it wasn't worth my time

Today I'm exhausted but possibly getting sick everyone's been sick.

I was going to do these emotional worksheets and then I said fuck it last night I just needed to rest. Therapy brings all sorts of hurtful things to the service, things we don't necessarily want to admit about our lives or ourselves, or our loved ones.