Advice needed about transition day with my own bios
I need a little help.
BS9 is OCD/ADHD and I am waiting for an appointment opening to have him tested for Aspergers. The testing is at the recommendation of his therapist.
DD11 is the outcast at BF. BS runs the household. BF never bonded with DD or had anything to do with her even when we were married. Even he would tell people it was like DD had one parent and BS has 2. She has never wanted anything to do with BF. I'm talking at 6 months old would scream bloodily murder if he sat next her her.
Anyway, at BF BS is in charge, runs the place. DD is just along for the ride. BS is not nice to her there. Working with his therapist we got him to stop hitting her at BF. BF never punishes BS. Ever. Sooo Fridays when they are going to BF, BS starts being a totally different kid about 2 hours prior. He runs his mouth, corrects everything DD says or does. Has to be told over and over again to leave her alone. Therapist has told me Icant do anything about what happens at BF but I can make darn sure BS never hits DD. Any form of physical I do punish no matter where it happens.
But I have started thinking I need to have consequences on Monday for what happens on Friday. I just need some creative ideas. BS does not respond to normal punishments. Normally he loses electronic devices. Just can't completely take his kindle away as he has books for school on there as he is homeschooled.
- Biomomof2's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
I know it sounds harsh but
I know it sounds harsh but why make her go? It's not fair to her if he contributes to this ongoing abuse.
I have hired an attorney just
I have hired an attorney just for this. But the wheels of the courts run very slow
The way BS acts at BFs only
The way BS acts at BFs only happens there. He doesn't act like this at home.
Load him up with chores and
Load him up with chores and tasks during those two hours of misbehavior. That way the consequences are immediate. At 9 he can wipe out sinks, sort the socks from the dryer, and many other chores he will not find fun. If you have to, you can even tell him he has to do it again on Monday so every time he mouths off or hits his sister he has just ruined two days of his life and has to think about it through the weekend at dad's.
If he's got so much free time to terrorize his sister he has too much free time. You have a thousand ways to fill it for him. Tell him so.
Good luck. I have the inverse of this problem. I am the stepmom and it is the stepdaughter who terrorizes the stepson. We've finally got it under control at our house. Have no idea what happens at BMs.
This behavior only happens
This behavior only happens the day of going to Bfs and at BFs. I do NOT tolerate it here. It will be a cold day in hell before BF punishs BS. But DD lives in her room at BFs.
What behavior is he doing
What behavior is he doing then, in those last two hours?
In any case, I think my advice would still be the same.
It's his mouth that gets him
It's his mouth that gets him in trouble the last two hours and him bouncing off the ceiling. I had to start punishing him coming home from Bf to stop the hitting over there. But he still treats DD horribly at BF. And a lot of times BF and BS gang up on DD and tease her until she cries. It is kinda horrible. Hired an attorney just to stop this
One therapist had me strip my
One therapist had me strip my BS's room of everything except for bed, dresser, lights and clothes, just leave the necessities. If he behaves at BF's house you can have him earn things back as privileges.
I have been told NOT to do
I have been told NOT to do this. His anxiety (which is how OCD is triggered) will sky rocket. For him, this can have negative results. It is a very tricky situation because BF encourages BS behavior and joins in on making DD miserable. DD took it upon herself to report BFs behavior to the police to try to get it to stop. The detective spoke with me after to let me know she will testify against BF for DD.
The situation with BS... One parents says it is wrong, the other encourages, rewards and participates in the behavior. I need ways to get BS to understand WHY this behavior is not allowed...