So I get a call from SD13 tonite-opinions, Please!
SD13 turns 14 on the 22nd. Last weekend, H mentioned to me that she was having a swim party at a local motel for her birthday, and the party will be on the 6th. He said he told her he would not be able to go as will be working. He did not say a word about me. Or indicate I was involved, anything.
So, tonite SD13 calls. Are you coming to my party? (if you read my blog, this is a horrible weekend for me). I said, well, how does your mom feel about it? I don't want to go if she will be uncomfortable. SD says-moms ok with it.
So I call H. Turns out he put the charge for the room on our debit card, made reservations. I knew nothing of it. I didn't even know what motel it was at. Nice, huh?
So now, I get to go to a party. H's ex will be there. H's ex's family will be there and me. the ONLY reason I am agreeing to go is SD13 asked me so sweetly. I couldn't hurt her feelings.
But what about my feelings? Where the he11 does he get off-reserving the room, etc. without even a word to me-and believe me, the conversation last weekend about him not being able to go was just that-all about him. I do not apparently exist in his view of the world.
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Don't go
My opinion would be to not go. You are going to be uncomfortable. It was very nice for SD to ask you but you can always come up with some excuse, flu season and all. Also this is just one more indication of what a $#%!#% your H is. Go with your gut.
I agree with ema
Don't go. Tell her you have already committed yourself to doing something with your parents.
And I would certainly kick H's ass. He had absolutely NO RIGHT to do what he did without consulting you first. The way he did it without saying anything to you about it was SNEAKY.
Yea, that's why I don't think he'll even notice
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
once I get a job get back on my feet, get him outta here. It's so obvious he doesn't even consider me his wife...and we'd just had a talk on T day about how I fell like an outsider. He knows I would not object to helping pay for the party...I'm not like that. So I can only reason that he doesn't include me in these things just to be an a@@hole.
why not??
okay i do understand that you feel uncomfortable, believe me i do, been there done that but its importand for sd. She asked you for a reason, she wants you there, so you should go.
Besides that it will show bm that you are a real part of the family now and that you will be there at other occasions. You need to put your foot down and stand up, you cant alsway hide.
I had to do the same on my ss 9 birthday and everything got better from this point on , me and my ss 5 and 10 get along now great, they even call me mom sometimes, bm does not bring us an problems, cuz she knows now i will not go anywere. It will be hard for you , but hopfuly it will turn out good.
Take Care of Yourself First ....
I wouldn't go either...I under stand that you don't want to hurt sd's feelings..But what about your own feelings? I think you need to take care of yourself first and be kind to yourself first...Showing up in a room surrounded by the ex and her family...In a room you paid for no less..Is not being kind to or taking care of yourself. Look at it this way...The only reason your still her step mom right now is because you can not get out of the situation right now..Your not there still because you want to be.. WOuld you attend her b day party if you and DH were divorced??
In a perfect world their would be retroactive abortion capabilities. disgusted
All I can say is
H does not deserve a woman like you and you certainly deserve better than him.
Especially since he treats you like you're inferior... and especially since he never includes you on anything. That man makes me furious!
I agree with everyone else on this. Don't go. I understand that you don't want to hurt SD13's feelings, but just like disgusted said: take care of yourself first. Maybe send her a birthday card so she still feels that you thought about her?
But if you still feel guilty about not going... call in and let them know that you have made plans before but will stop in for a few minutes. That should give you enough time to personally wish SD13 a wonderful happy birthday and give her a card or something.
Either way... I do hope you can get out of this situation you're in. I hate how that lame excuse for a human being is treating you.
I agree with SW19
Stop in for a few minutes (CLASS ACT!!), and explain
that you'd already made other plans, but since it was
important to SD that you stop by, you did.
Wow, when you have your "I'm rid of this moron"
party, I am SO FLYING OUT to celebrate with you!!
A great excuse for a RETREAT!!
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."-Eleanor Roosevelt
I've decided to go-for a few minutes only
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
The party is in BM's town, 30 mins. away. I'll drive over, drop off the gift, hug SD13, watch for a few minutes, then leave.
Because SD13 is the one who treats me like a human. I think she actually loves me. She's very "Young" for her age-14 in two weeks, but emotionally still a little girl. And I don't want to hurt her, reject her. She see enough of that from H.
She'll like that
Even if it's for a few minutes... those minutes mean a lot.
What did you buy her for her birthday?
Actually don't have a gift,yet
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
H thinks a gift card. Which would be easiest, since we have no stores here. I had originally planned to shop next week-finish xmas shopping, get her B.D. gift. Now I'm in a time crunch.
No matter. This particular child has always been pleased, no matter what I've given her. She's the polar opposite of SD17.
I think you are doing the
right thing by going and then leaving after a few minutes! She'll likely be too busy with her friends to notice that you've even gone. Why would he pay for the room w/o you working? What an idiot!
Because he makes good money....right now
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
And wastes it. I really don't have a prob with the cost of the room-BM is paying for all the food, etc. I want SD to have a nice party.
It's that H, again, left me as the outsider.
IF H would treat me as tho I matter, if H would enforce that SD17 needs to be respectful, we wouldn't be in this situation. But I can't change that. I can only change my views, and that is what I'm working on.
Changing them to the point where happily ever after is about as attainable as a snowball surviving hell.
Ha....that's ironically funny....
I hear ya girl. I just think this guy needs a good kick in the pants!