H has informed me that when his d's are here, they don't have to do anything-it's down time
It's downtime for them, downtime for him. He also informed me that he is not going to get after them, or tell them what to do when they are here. And he's mad because I asked SD17 about applying for scholarships. Mad because I complained about the whorish way she dresses when she comes here. Mad because I asked him to have her get up when she was laying on the couch, so I would be able to take a seat.
He feels so sorry for SD17. She has to drive her sisters to school (um, I didn't even have my own car at 17) and run them to the store occassionally. So she needs downtime when she's here because that is soooo much work!
According to H, he misses his D's when he's away and so just wants to have fun with them when they're here.
Notice he doesn't say he just wants to have fun with me when he's here-nope, I can serve them all, let them wipe their f**king feet on me, let them take over my home, do as they please with my belongings...which makes me a what? Girls, what does that make me?
Asking you all to include me in your prayers, mantras, etc. tonite. I need a big change-and to lose 475 lbs. really fast (that's what H and his D's weigh combined)
I feel like I'm losing my mind.
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okay so
it's take out breakfast lunch and dinner? calling in a maid to clean? Perhaps adding another television in your bedroom so you don't have to ask princess to move so you can actually sit on the couch? I mean, family down time is family down time right????
"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein
I mean, he's already told me that he doesn't have to do anything
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
when he's here, (and he's proven that-he doesn't) and now he's adding his darlings to the list of LEECHES ABOVE HELPING OUT. Which leaves one person - to his way of thinking-do it all for the three of them. Me.
So guess he'd better get off his wide butt and cook for 'em. Don't know who will do the clean up-miss SD17 doesn't care for most of the take out available here.
I hate 'em.
omg how do you do it
I thought Crayon has it bad ( and she does) but this guy is really a piece of work, doesnt he know that women have been liberated from the kitchen for YEARS now, tell him to go find a new mom - your done.
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."
Sounds like Smom down time too!
I would invest in a large number of trash bags so that you can dump all of the crap they (H and his Spawn) generate on their beds after the weekend visitation is over.
Also, I would shop and cook only for myself during visitations and let H know that he has to parent, shop, cook, clean and hug on his kids cus your not doing it unless everyone contributes equally to the home when they are in it.
After they see you scarfing on some tasty food while they are eating Twinkies and top ramen they will get a clue and step up.
Hopefully.
Sounds like it is time for a CTJ (Come To Jesus) clarity session with the H. I know that neither my mother nor my wife would tolerate the kind of crap your H is attempting to put off on you. And I am my Mom's (and Dad's) bio kid. Neither I nor my Dad have stones big enough to attempt to dictate to our spouses what your H is apparently expecting from you. Nor are we that stupid.
Even my wife will not allow my SS to lay around on his butt when he is with us. He is expected to do some dishes, laundry, clean the bird cage (screaming rat with wings (parrot)), and keep his bed and bathroom clean when he is home from Military School. When he is off at school the Bride and I cook together and clean up together and do our own laundry. We do have some occasional friction over who cleans the bathrooms or forgets to take out the trash (Me on the trash issue! :O )but we do both work on the house together for the most part.
Good luck and best regards,
Good suggestion
"Also, I would shop and cook only for myself during visitations and let H know that he has to parent, shop, cook, clean and hug on his kids cus your not doing it unless everyone contributes equally to the home when they are in it".
I also like the idea of Military School for my SS-would be a far cry from the 24/7 sleeping and video gaming DH lets him do! DH would have kittens if SS16 (aka Poopsie Prince) had to do anything that required a consistent full effort.
Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!
i agree bewitched
get the hell outta dodge while those ungrateful brats are around...go shopping, see a movie, hang w friends or take ur laptop and sit at a coffeeshop...oh wait, these are what I do on vistation wkends! tee hee
honestly though i agree w rags...just dont be available to them and dont clean up their mess. let him do everything.
and of course u are in my prayers bc i cant take another minute of u being w that ungrateful sorry excuse for a man. hes the biggest jackass ever. divorce him and let him marry his princess daughters, since that what it seems his relationship priority is.
big hugs!
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
Your H wins again
Sadly, your H has once again won the "jackass of the week" award. His attitude toward you is so unacceptable. It's abusive.
I like the ideas above--when the devilspawn inhabit your house to have their Daddy Funtimes, you should DO NOTHING FOR THEM. Let them fend for themselves. Don't buy food. Don't cook it. Go out--to a movie or walk around Walmart with popcorn--whatever. Take care of your parents. Spend time with the people who love you. Read a book at the library (I've done that quite a few times to get away).
When they are done with Funtimes, dump all of their trash and junk into big Hefty bags and store it all outside or in a closet until they return once again. Then disinfect your house.
And give up on SD17. She's not worth your concern anymore. Definitely not worth fighting about. Pretty soon you'll never have to see her again. Keep that in mind. You WILL GET OUT OF THIS!!
Maybe I missed some posts
...so he's not renting the cabin? Why don't you and your son just stay at your parents house while they are at your house. But I know...it's your house and you shouldn't have to leave...and who knows the condition it would be in when you return.
I don't think I've seen anything quite like this...
...since Chava was on this site.
Definitely agree with the others that if that's the way he's going to act, he can be totally responsible for all care involved with his kids, to include cooking and cleaning.
And why in the name of all that is sacred should Bewitched have to leave HER home while her lazy H and SD do whatever they please? I'm sorry, but I'd have to tell him he needs to have visitation with SD somewhere else, and if he mentioned that it was his home, I'd tell him, "no, it's MY home; YOU just live here!"
I'd also move his shit to the spare room.
Hanny-I can't stay at my parents even if I wanted to-my sis &
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
her H and her son will be staying there.
And I knew H was just throwing his massive weight around threatening with the cabin-a ploy to hurt me....It did sting to hear him say he's taking his family (mom & kids) to a cabin-=intentionally omitting me from the word family. But it only solidifes my decision to end this so called marraige as soon as I can do so.
You all have some great suggestions-I just hate leaving my house to H and the leeces, all my posessions for their personal use-it's upsetting to come home to find SD13 (in one week) in my bed...it's upsetting to have them all act like this place is theirs and I have no rights in what is my home. I keep praying for a job...
Rags-we had the CTJ meeting on the phone this morning
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
It resulted in 3 hours of him screaming at me-for #1. Critizing SD17's lack of clothing (T & A all the way) #2. Suggesting SD17 start apply for scholarships and #3 expecting her to go to bed if she's going to take up the entire sofe and #4 expecting her to get off her behind and help clean up after meals.
I am hereforth to do none of the above. This house is to be a playground for H and his D's. And so are all of my possessions.
No. It doesn't feel good at all-in fact, it feels like I am living a nightmare. I am in no position to do anything about it until I acquire a job, which I am desperately trying to do.
I promise you all, when I achieve my financial freedom, I'm going to have alot to say about why I am making him leave.
That's It I've Had It!!!!
Who the F#@K does he think he is.
Betwitched it's time to play evil now.
I know somewhere on this site there is a Bill of Rights for Step Parents, I think you should try and get a copy of this and stick on the front door so just as the leeches are about to walk in they will see the bill of rights. From memory it has things on it such as "I'll will not be disrespected in my own home" etc..... When your H says what's this, your response should be These are the rules for everyone who steps into this house, whoever chooses to not obey them they can sleep in there own car as I will not be treated like SHIT in my own home.
Secondly I agree with Rags in relation to any rubbish they leave around to throw it on there beds so they can clean it as you are NOT there slave and I wouldn't be cooking for there ungratful asses either.
I really, trully feel for you and the situation your in. What ever happened to TREAT OTHERS LIKE YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE TREATED.
If I could help you look for a job hun I would, just so we can get these leeches out of your life for good rather than just a week.
))))))))BIG BIG HUGS((((((((((
I sent out 4 more rsumes today-2 for jobs 30 miles away
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
If I didn't have you all on her, I'd be totally mental now.
And, thankfully, after tonite (wrote a blog about my bff) I have a good ear with my gf (whose sis went thru similar) and her former bf. It's empowering to know others realize what is happening and want to help (tho not the way her former bf wants to help-violence is never the answer). Tho I admit to being tempted :evil:
I've never said much about my situation to my sisters, and less to my parents as I don't think they could bear it. Learned not to say much to my son, as he can't handle it either.
A job will come along-it's a matter of staying sane while I continue my job search. Which H, of course, is totally against. In fact, he told me that if I get a job, he's taking a vacation to Hawaii. By himself. Ya know what? I've been to Hawaii. And would prefer to remember its beauty, unmarred by H's presence!
You will find somthing...
I have no doubt.
I pray and have my figures crossed for you everyday hoping that when I log in to Step Talk there will be a post saying I GOT THE JOB, H AND SKIDS ARE OUT OF HERE WHOOOHOOO.
I still have faith that I will see this post from you soon.
SELFISH
lol i hope you get that job, then you are on your way ? Cant you take your belongings and put them at a friends or familys garage? Leave them with nothing! Thses girls sound so rude and selfish and are just plian spoilt..... it will eventually back fire on your hubby but hopefully you wont be there to see his downfall.
Get out asap other wise they will suck the rest of your life out of you! Hope it all works out
WOW - this guy is the
WOW - this guy is the biggest piece of crap I have ever heard of - I do not know how you do it BW - I really don't. I agree with everyone else - completely disengage - DO NOT DO ONE MORE BLOODY THING for him or his kids. Downtime for him and his kids? Give me a f***** break - who in the hell does he think he is? When are you supposed to get your downtime? OMG - my blood is boiling for you!!I will pray that you find a job soon so you can kick his ungrateful, selfish ass out the door!!
Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. - George Carlin
get your job
get a dumpster throw his sh*t out the door and lock it (with new locks of course) then put a sign on the dumpster that says welcome to the home of DH and leeches..
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."
seriously bewitched...
i know u feel like youre stuck until u get a job but i would do whatever u could to get out NOW!! i would rather be on welfare until i found a job and got on my feet then deal w that idiot and his ridiculousness.
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
Bill of rights....
1. I will be part of the decision making process in my marriage and family at all times.
2. People outside the immediate family, including ex-spouses, in-laws, or adult children, cannot make plans that affect my life without my consent.
3. I will not be responsible for the welfare of children for whom I can set no limits.
4. I must be consulted about which children will live with us, when they can visit, and how long they will stay.
5. I will not be solely responsible for housework, chores will be distributed fairly.
6. I will be consulted regarding all family financial matters.
7. Others may not violate my private space at home, nor take or use my possessions without my permission.
8. I will never be treated as an "outsider" in my own home.
9. My spouse and stepchildren must treat me with respect.
10. OUR MARRIAGE IS OUR FIRST PRIORITY, AND WE WILL ADDRESS ALL ISSUES TOGETHER
Here is one I found.... I am thinking from your posts that he has violated all of these....
link....
there are more too!!!!
http://www.geocities.com/stepfamilyhelppagenewsletter/randr.html
I read the bill of rights-and how it should be-tried to tell H
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
I asked him where his responsiblity lies in making this family work-as in-having his kids pitch in a little, having them be thoughtful in this house (didn't mention the way he treats me), discussing things w/me that will affect me, before he makes decisions with his kids.
Know what he said? Not going to do it. I WORK and bring home a good PAYCHECK and that's all I'm going to do. And, by God, I'm NOT going to TELL HIM what to do with HIS kids!
I asked him to go to counseling with me. The response-YOU watch too much Dr. Phil. And there's something wrong with him (Dr. Phil)
That my friends, is the only response I got.
he is a lost cause
no worries though--the ya-ya tanker will take good care of him!
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
New pieces in the puzzle?
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
Last night, H had me pick up a Wii console to give his kids for Christmas. So, he told me he talked to the ex about it-suggested she could get some games for it for Christmas.
Ok. Fine. But he also told her (the ex) that the game is for both skids, and if they fight over it (at 17 & now 14?) too let him know and he will set rules, including taking it away if they fight.
WTF? This is the man who just told me that HE doesn't have to discipline, tell his kids to do anything here-at my home-but he's going to be the big man enforcer for the ex? Again, WTF? What the hell is he doing???
Betwitched
Girl, get a tv and put it in your bedroom..When fluffy butt and his kids are there go into your room and stay there or otherwise make your self unavailable. Have you thought about seperating bedrooms? Move DH out of the bedroom and claim it as your own..Put a lock on it and put all of your stuff in the bedroom...I would turn my bedroom into a small apartment for myself where none of them are allowed. And I have done so in the past... I wouldn't shop, cook, clean, or lift one finger for any of them anymore....I know that you shouldn't have to do that because it's YOUR house..But your options are to throw them out, create a space for yourself, or to continue to be their door mat...
Your in my thoughts and prayers...Hugs to you!
In a perfect world their would be retroactive abortion capabilities. ~disgusted