That's a very long way to travel to visit for either one of you. You could consider both of you relocating and meeting in the middle, but that would still be a lot of travel for visits. How long have you been dating this man? Is this the kind of decision that you could postpone for a couple of years? The reason I am asking is because the 16yo will be off to college, too, and the youngest would be starting high school by then... that might be a better time for you to relocate. Those teenage years are so tricky and two sets of eyes are better than one. Only you know for sure if your daughters are mature enough to handle it. (Not to mention are all of the adults involved mature enough to handle it!) If the girls and their dad are all okay with it and you are prepared for the transition, which is never easy no matter what the situation, then it would probably work out fine. Is there any way you could do a "trial run" for a month or so, maybe during the summer when school's out, and see how it would be before making the commitment? I am a firm believer in living your own life and doing what makes you happy, but sometimes it's hard to balance what is good for us and what is good for them.

~ Anne ~

Personally I could not imagine leaving any of my kids. Simply, you are the parent and you have to make decisions for you. You're right when you realize your children will eventually 'leave the nest', but I do not think it is necessary to put your life on hold in the meantime. If your boyfriend is someone you are sure you're are willing to make life-changing decisions for, I would not give the 16 year an option: she moves with you. No, she's not going to like it, she's going to cry 'Unfair!'... but such is life. I am the youngest of 3 sisters, and when my parents divorced my oldest sister stayed with our dad. It was awful. I missed her and worse, when my sister was older admitted Dad didn't really discipline, she got to do what she wanted when she wanted. If you think your ex-husband is really prepared to be a full-time parent, good luck! But just as an outsider looking in, I would make her move with you....because no one is as good of a parent as we (mothers) are!

I completely agree with Janice, especially the last paragraph. I wouldn't have been given the choice either. Every time my parent(s) moved, I moved with them because that's just how it was. There was no other option. I didn't like having to make all new friends or starting my life over in another town, but I got over it quickly and so will your daughter. I'm not saying that this is the right thing to do, just don't completely ignore it as an option.

*~So sayeth Nymh~*

You know your 16 year old better than any of us do and you also know the parenting capabilities of your ex....if you are considering leaving your daughter with her father, then i'm assuming that you see him as capable of parenting her...i HATE the gender biases we use...my mom was SOOO much more slack than my dad he was the strict one and that is why after living with him for a few years I decided to go back to my moms b/c she let me get away with WAY more stuff! Don't get me wrong, i'm not saying she was/is a bad mom, she did her best as did he, i'm just saying that ovaries and breasts doesn't automatically make you THE fit parent! Your daughter has two more years to go, if you think they (your ex and daughter) can handle it, give it a trial run...changing schools at 16 is NOT FUN and buy that time it is VERY hard to make new friends...a bad place to force a teenaged girl into in my opinion....

Make a GREAT Day!

posted twice on accident

with your ex. If your ex lives in the area, and exercises his visitations with his children (I am assuming that you are custodial parent/he is non, and that your children visits him every other weekend-please correct if I am wrong). If that is the case, then you should postpone your relationship with your bf until your children reach the age of adulthood and go onto college.

If your ex doesn't live in the area, and moving your children 4 states away will not affect his current physical time with his children, then relocating is up to you.

I personally do not think that custodial parents are entitled to withdraw children from physical visitations from non-custodial parents b/c they want to relocate to be with a bf/gf. I believe that you have an obligation to your children to help foster a relationship between them and their parent that they do not live with. Believe it or not, the every other weekend gig isn't a whole lot of time for the non-custodial parent, and to deprive them even further is inconsiderate to all parties involved. Additionally, your parenting plan may not allow you to relocate out of state, unless non-custodial parent doesn't contest it. In my state, custodial parent must notify non 90 prior to moving, and if non contests it, cus. parent can only relocate if that parent give up custodial rights to non.cus. parent prior to moving.

It sounds like you have a good working relationship with your ex, has he expressed his feelings on you relocating with your 11 year old? Is that child from another relationship?

And I sympathize with you. Giving it some more thought and more time may be the best thing for now....if your BF really loves you now, he'll love you 6 months from now! Good luck and my thoughts/prayers are with you.