Another fight! Always something new to fight about!!
This past weekend we had the skids. I disengage. I work, read, leave... anything that means I don't have to see them or worry about what they're doing. This past weekend wasn't as easy as that.
First thing I noticed (again) is that those kids get picked up just to drive here and go to bed. I still think it's stupid because they have a very long day on Friday and an hour drive here just to sleep just caps off their long day!! They don't get a break!! Selfish on their parents part is what it is.
Second thing- that f%&*ing toilet got peed all over as soon as they got here!!! TEACH YOUR KIDS TO CLEAN UP AFTER THEMSELVES!! It's not a punishment, it's responsibility!!! So what if it was an accident?!!? It still has to get wiped up!!!
3rd- Older SK wet the bed (again). Now I'm used to the idea that the parents are going to wait this out until it stops on its own instead of looking for medical help (he's 10 and it happens all the time for the 2 years I've known them)... my issue is that CL DIDN'T MAKE HIM SHOWER IN THE MORNING!!!!! Where the hell is your hygeine Dad?!?!?!?! What kind of parent lets their kid walk around covered in piss all day???? And to boot, he wasn't going to make them have a shower that night either until I said something!!!!!! WTF goes through that mans head????
Fourth- CL doesn't follow up on any table manners when the skids are here. Same with washing their hands after pooping and picking their noses. He says "they're just kids!!! They do that!!"... I say, follow up with the minions and they WON'T do that!! CL has an excuse for everthing. Lately his excuses on his lazy parenting actually comes back to me!! "How do you live with yourself being so negative all the time?" "Ignore them, it's your problem not ours".
When the hell am I going to say ENOUGH IS ENOUGH and pack my damn bags?!!?!? I've been miserable to the point of absolutely hating it here when skids come. It brings out a fight each and every time. It's not because I'm obsessive compulsive about how I'd parent, I would just focus on different aspects than CL does. He rides them constantly about being careful.... "whoa watch it!" "look out" "be careful" hundreds of times a day. Me? I'd focus more on hygeine and manners. CL doesn't understand how I can focus to hard on those things.... HELLO!!! I'm not focusing on it!!! It's just hard not to notice that you didn't make your stinky kid have a shower!!! And last time they were here, they didn't shower once all damn weekend!!!!
In the end, CL had our fight and ended it with "I love yous" and hugs. We both agree we want to make it work... but NOTHING CHANGES! NOTHING EVER CHANGES!!! How do I ignore two messy, gross kids that come into MY house every 2 weeks????? Why do I have to completly remove myself from my own damn house just because CL doesn't want to teach them anything??? Or even follow up on anything!?!? They both know what to do, they just need to be constantly reminded. They know they should wash their hands after pooping, they just choose not to. CL doesn't follow up with that because "he respects them" and believes them when they say they washed them. THEY LIE ABOUT IT!!! They aren't my kids... so poo germs all over a kids hands makes me feel like vomiting just at the thought. FOLLOW UP!!!! Check to make sure the sink is wet, ask to see or smell their hands!!! Eventually, yes, they will always wash them knowing they'll be found out if they don't!!!!
I'm just so mad I'm shaking. I want it all to end. I want to leave. I want to move out into my own place. I don't ever want to be around those kids anymore. They have ruined my life. It's all I think about.
But I love CL.
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Kids should still know to
Kids should still know to wash hands no matter what, that is very nasty. Everytime I get my kids, first thing I ask is if they had a shower and brushed their teeth because alot of times, their mom lets them play outside most of the time they are home. They live with her, every so often I ask them over the phone if they bathed and brush their teeth and they'll so no. So alot of times, I have to make them even if it's over the phone but their mom would never excuse the washing of hands, I want to vomit as well, your husband should understand,eew. I still can't believe he used that. It's not negative either and how can you ignore something so gross.
I'm sorry you have to deal
I'm sorry you have to deal with this, girly. I know how it feels. At one point we had three skids 50/50, and they were all so gross. Luckily we're down to just one, SS14, so it's not as bad as it was. I don't know why it's so hard for some of these dads to teach their kids basic hygiene and manners. I think it's laziness, along with somehow thinking they will "insult" the child by correcting them. Children need to be taught basic social skills, they aren't meant to be tip-toed around in fear of hurting their feelings.
Try asking their father to clean up the mess each and every time they pee on the toilet. If they leave a wet towel on the floor (provided they ever shower), ask him to go pick it up. When you see one picking his nose, ask him to tell the child to go blow his nose and wash his hands. When one pees the bed, ask him to do the linens and have the kid shower. Keep on him (not the skids), and maybe he'll get the hint.
I've tried my best to disengage, but hygiene and manners are the most difficult for me to keep quiet about. Grammar is another. I honestly think I might scream the next time I hear that kid say, "I seen that movie already."
This is horrific and I
This is horrific and I understand entirely. I have 2 SS's that are the sameway and of course DH who I lost a lot of respect for at his choosing to ignore it. I'm sorry to say that it isn't likely to improve. It's possible but DH only slightly watchs the one SS that lives with us to make sure he is following very basic hygiene habits and generally only when I point out things like how disgusting it is that he hasn't brushed is teeth in days...and keeps putting his hands in his mouth, etc.
Honestly, I wish I had found this site prior to getting married so that I would have realized that it wasn't me being an awful person as these men like to put off on us. I love my husband dearly but I don't know that I would have married him if I would have had the knowledge that I have now. I still can't say with certaintly that our marriage like most one's involving Steps won't end in a bitter divorce. I guess I'm just saying be honest with yourself about what you can and can't handle AND expect the worst. If your SO doesn't make a change with these kids for the better, can you live with that for the rest of your life?
I also get accused of being
I also get accused of being "constantly negative" and it makes me crazy. Fine - I'll cop to being negative when you, my dear FH, cop to being WILLFULLY BLIND!!!!