Struggling step-parent - still
So apparently the step kid wants to apologise now (he's clearly missing the services of the hotel aka my home).
Trouble is - I don't want it. Too little too late as far as I'm concerned.
His father has been desperate for this to happen - he is under the illusion that even all this time later (and I haven't even mentioned here the torrent of anger I have been subjected to from my husband because *shock* I said no to his kids unreasonable demands) that suddenly everything is going to magically be ok. It's not.
What to do...
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I have found that you must
I have found that you must live your truth and do what is right for you individually. I tried keeping my mouth shut, thinking I was being respectful to all involved. That was wrong for me and it just made the whole situation so much worse. If I had set my boundaries and stood my ground for the right things, then I personally would not have had to go through years of anger and resentment...wishing you the best in your journey
Stand your ground. An apology
Stand your ground.
An apology for the sake of apologizing, or because one wants something, means nothing. He doesn't WANT to apologize, nor does he feel he did anything to warrant an apology. They both simply want to go back to how it was, which wasn't so great for you, right?
Now they know that you have boundaries and won't put up with being walked on and talked bad about, in your own home. Had they shown you any amount of respect in the first place, it wouldn't have come to this. Some people have to learn the hard way.
^^THIS^^ SS is apologizing to
^^THIS^^
SS is apologizing to make DH feel better about the situation. Not to make you feel better about it. Even if you do sit through this fake apology, I wouldn't let it fool you.
You may want to allow it to happen but make it clear to DH that you have a few things to express and you will be heard, not talked over or dismissed. One of the things I would address ASAP with that adult child who wants to be allowed in your home is that...yes...it is YOUR home every bit as much as it's his Dad's home. A lot of skids get this attitude that the home and everything in it is their Daddeeee's...and, therefore, theirs. You gotz to shut that down.
You can always take the
You can always take the apology, but make it clear that despite the apology, you will not be put in that situation again... explain that it will be a long time until the damage can be mitigated, and until you can be sure that you will be treated respectfully, especially in your own home, visits will be kept outside the home...gradual short visits in the home, maybe Holidays and such... but that they are, of course, free to maintain their own relationship...and then maybe over time, you will be able to welcome him into your home with welcome arms - but that day is not today
So I read your other blog
So I read your other blog about the incident that caused SS18 to run off to BMs. In that blog you told your DH, who told SS, that he could not return until he apologized to you. Now, SS is offering to apologize (probably fake, but whatever) and you are telling you are not going to accept his apology. If your DH has already been being a prick about this whole thing, I have a feeling he's just getting started if you deny SS the opportunity to apologize.
I totally get, that at this point, the damage is too far done and an apology is going to be just words with no meaning in order for SS to obtain the end result of being able to crash at your place. But I think you have to be the better person here and take the apology. Odds are SS will screw up again in a matter of no time and then HE can be the asswipe, not you.
What is this guy doing with his life anyway? Does he have a job, does he go to school?
Yeah, I agree with this. You
Yeah, I agree with this. You don't know for sure that the apology is insincere, and your DH is just bursting for this to happen.
But you don't have to accept just a whispered "Sorry." I would be prepared with questions: Sorry for what? Why do you think I was upset? How would YOU feel if someone called you names and disrespected a decision you made? How will he handle his anger in the future when either his dad (hahah) or you tell him no? What is he going to do now to make it right with you (and be prepared to give him suggestions for what will help you move on).
Chances are he'll get mad all over again and storm out. That will tell you he is not remorseful at all, and his apology is empty.
So SS "wants" to apologize.
So SS "wants" to apologize. If that were true he'd have already done it. Even if you have him blocked on social media he could scribble a note on a piece of paper.
Have the apology delivered
Have the apology delivered both in writing and face-to-face. The apology letter needs to spell out A) what he did wrong, B), apology & admittance he knew it was wrong, and C) his Plan of Action for handling those same situations (or feelings, if he brings up how he felt at the time) because conflict is a part of life. If he doesn't own up & admit and apologize, it's not an apology.