Well, the meeting with the 24-year-old adult soon-to-be SD did not go well

Well, the meeting with the 24-year-old adult soon-to-be SD did not go well, as I expected after her postponing it for 2 months. She apparently has been taking offense at pretty much anything I say the few times we have been around each other. It is like she made up her mind a long time ago (remember this has been going on for 3 years) that she not only doesn't like me, she actually dislikes me, so even innocuous comments I might say in a conversation, she takes offense to. It seems like she is looking for things or fabricating things to take offense to so she can justify not wanting her dad to have a relationship with me (or anyone), even though she mouths those words and says she is fine with it (although she did say in this conversation she "has concerns about me" and since she and her dad are very close she "shared those concerns with him" -- she also "shared those concerns" (badmouthed me) to some mutual friends of ours as well! So her words that she "accepts" his and my relationship do not stand up because one's actions and behavior telegraph one's true feelings, not one's words. All the people in both his and my lives -- his and my friends and colleagues, my family, my my two adult kids -- all celebrate his and my being together, but I guess she knows better than everyone else, right? I am fine with her disliking me AS LONG AS I DON'T HAVE TO BE AROUND HER much! She walked out of the Peet's where we were at having this conversation because I had disagreed that I had done something that she accused me of, something that was a merely making a comment in a conversation over a year ago (a conversation that I thought was actually going rather well!). The comment had nothing to do with her at all. She had already mentioned several other things I had said or done that were unrelated to her that she took offense to. I told my fiance, he can love us separately and be okay with it -- or not. I didn't say this to him, but if he isn't okay with my not being around his daughter except when absolutely necessary, then I don't have much hope for us.

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I think the good in all this

I think the good in all this is now you know, without any doubt, where you stand with your SD

Be thankful that at least you don't have to hold up false hope that she is accepting of you/your relationship with your DH

Hopefully your DH can accept that 'it is what it is' with her, and let it be

You are not the one with the problem here, it is your SD...I agree she has issues and that is sad, but you are not responsible for it!

Thanks. Yeah, I felt

Thanks. Yeah, I felt relieved after the meeting actually. Big sigh of relief, the pretending and the trying are over.

Adult aholes should just be

Adult aholes should just be ignored. No interface at all on your part.

Your SO can see that obnoxious ahole on his terms, but to expect you to deal with this level of aholiness is ridiculous.

I have an adult SS. I have NOTHING to do with him (after a couple of years of trying). DH is off visiting him right now as I write this. I have no problem with that at all.

I do not give a flying you know what if SS likes me or not. My DH would love it if SS and I bonded and were best friends forever. But that will never happen. And my DH has to accept that.

Two things need to happen. 1 - You need to be okay with no interface. 2 - Your DH needs to be okay with it too. At this point you need to not give a sh*t whether your skid is okay with this or not.

Yes, I had already come to

Yes, I had already come to the place of recognizing that she and I were not going to bond. And at this point, I don't want to bond with her either! DH wanted it very badly though. I hope he is now realizing that "it is what it is." The way this has played out is not my first choice, but he has to accept and be okay that she and I don't spend much time in the same place. I am totally fine with his seeing her without me. I am totally fine not being his "plus one" at any event of hers, including important ones like weddings. I really just don't want to be around her.

Please don't let people force

Please don't let people force you to kiss up to this jerk so that she can just kick you each time. Be done with her.

I say, go somewhere for something romantic with DH this weekend, and put this matter to rest. There is no need to feed the drama. Just bow out gracefully from any interraction with her in the future.

I'm going to be honest. You

I'm going to be honest. You don't have to be around her at all. Holidays. Your wedding. Anything. So if your fiance has a problem with that, than I suggest the two of you have a heart to heart about expectations. Not only of her behavior when she's around you, especially in your home. But also what you expect his actions to be when she treats you with disrespect.

If I were in your shoes and my future SD flat out told me she disliked me for imagined sins, I would probably get a solid pre-nup and insist my fiance have a solid living will and a will in place before marriage (to be updated as your joint assets increase). Otherwise she is going to make life hell for you down the road.

Verify she is not on any of his credit cards, deed, bank loans or savings accounts. Or if she is and he's fine with it, make sure you keep separate finances. Keep a nest egg separate for yourself, an account where your H does not have access.

And never, ever, never, ever have another conversation with her. She only did this because she thinks she put you in your place. She will never change and always be suspicious if she offers to meet again to extends an olive branch. Say no thank you to the meeting and recognize that olive branch is probably a poisonous snake with leaves glued to it.

Yep, I think you are right.

Yep, I think you are right. And we have already discussed a pre-nup.

Your 2bSD has pretty much a

Your 2bSD has pretty much a written you off. She's accepted Dad is going to marry you whether she likes it or not. You'll be Dad's wife... that doesn't mean she has to 'like' you or even have a relationship at all with you.

You can both be civil when and/or if you two must occasionally be around each other. You're both good with that. Only one who must now accept it is your DH2b. It doesn't sound as if she lives around you or that she is involved in your daily/weekly/monthly life and really doesn't have much impact. Dad's just going to have to accept it is what it is and stop insisting either one of you (you or 2bSD) 'fix' it. He can't make her 'like' you and he's seen now his asking you to keep trying is fruitless. It's ok you two aren't buds. It's ok for you two not to have a SM/SD relationship that he wanted you two to have.

It's her that will miss out. It's a course she has chosen.

I'm curious. After the death of her mother at such a young age, did she receive any counseling?

Yes. she did. Her mother

Yes. she did. Her mother died when 2bSD was 11, she had regular counseling for over 10 years and still sees the counselor occasioally.

We met on Match.com 3 years

We met on Match.com 3 years ago. We have been engaged for one year this coming Valentine's Day. His wife passed almost 13 years ago, so it was 10 years b4 he dated me. He had had a few dates a few years ago with another woman. That didn't work out and SD, of course, objected to it.

Not your fault at all for not wanting to be around somebody like that.