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She's holding our checks for months before cashing!

BabyKat's picture

B*tchface hasn't spontaneously combusted yet, so I'll just have to keep blogging! Her latest game is to hold our checks for months on end and then cash them all at once. Apparently she thinks this is going to overdraft our bank account or something. They're not CS checks though. They're to reimburse her for our portion of the kids medical bills. It's not that big a deal, but I'd like to get around her bullcrap if I can. Does anyone know if we can pay through MiSDU and have them send the money to her?

Comments

GoodbyeNormaJean's picture

Here in AK you can pay through CSSD so you have record of it. What a bitch! Geez!

GoodbyeNormaJean's picture

Ooh, what about going to your bank and getting a cashier's check since that way it'll have already come out of your account?

BabyKat's picture

Yeah, but then I have to send it to her in an envelope (rather than doing a nice, impersonal online banking transaction). Why does the thought of doing that make me feel like she's won at her little game?

Totalybogus's picture

But she really hasn't because it takes longer for the mail to get there than an on-line deposit. She'd actually be screwing herself

itsgottostop's picture

Our BM has started doing the exact same thing. I think I am going to give her a money order next time that way it come out of our account immediately and I think she will only have so many days to cash the money order.

Totalybogus's picture

My husband's x did this with his reimbursement checks for unreimbursed medical and dental expenses and with school tuition. It drove me insane because I never could completely reconcile my check book. What we did was to send her money orders for the reimbursement checks and sent the school tuition directly to the school.

Call your county clerk's office domestic division. They can tell you how to get this done.

BabyKat's picture

See, I was SO hoping for something impersonal, sent from somebody else, like so she doesn't get the satisfaction of knowing we had to go to some extra effort because of her games. I think I'll call MiSDU and see what they say. Does everybody here know what they do? I know they're like the Michigan child support dispursement unit or something, but I don't know how it works.

BabyKat's picture

Hadn't thought of it that way - you could be right. I just always figure she gets a kick out stickin' it to him any way she can. Here's one for ya - hubby pays her $1200 a month plus medical. She works a part-time, $10 an hour job. What does she drive? A brand new sports car! Her new hubby has already whined to us about how both of them together make no where near what DH makes alone, blahblah, so who's paying for that hot car? Of course, the kids think she's cool as hell - they never think about how does she afford that!

burnet's picture

I would be tempted to seal an empty envelope. Re-open it, making sure there is a little tear to show it has been tampered with. Put the following note in the envelope.
--------------------------------
Dear BM,

In interest of being able to balance our checkbook, we have decided to start
sending cash. Included in this envelope is Blah Blah amount for Blah Blah expenses.
Please let us know when you have received this.

Most Sincerely,

SM and DH
---------------------------------

Next, tape the envelope shut with no money included and send it out. }:)

Milomom's picture

ha ha ha ha ha burnet!!! this is funny as hell!!

I can just see any of our BM's scratching their head like "oh, crap". :? :?

Of course, I wouldn't actually DO it, but the idea cracked me up!

burnet's picture

Yep. I can think of plenty dastardly deeds, but would be hard pressed to actually carry them out.

MadeMyBed's picture

Our BM has started doing this as well but shes not cashing them at all! We think shes trying to "build a case" for contempt against DH. Shes going to try to pull the old "he never paid the $7 perscription!" DH send her these piddly checks and she doesnt cash them. She also doesnt sign for certified mail so we have no proff we sent them. God, get a life!!!! BM cant get a BF if her life depended on it so we're screwed

BabyKat's picture

I went to the MiSDU website (Michigan State Disbursement Unit - your hubby's employer sends his child support to them and they send it on to BM, in case anyone doesn't know this), and I think I can send her piddly checks through them. I'm going to try it next time, and if it works, I'll post something here.

Rags's picture

Send a Money Order or Cashiers Check via Delivery Confirmation with the USPS. Delivery confirmation is signed by the post office and not by the recipient.

Cashing of the money order/cashiers check is trackable through your bank or the institution where you purchased the MO.

During our own drama with the SpermIdiot refusing delivery of receipts that we send him to request payment for his half of uncovered medical expenses we learned that from a legal perspective refusing receipt is legally equivalent to accepting it. The judge reamed him a new asshole for that crap but ….. would not hold the SpermIdiot in contempt and told us to take him to small claims court. So now, after 17yrs of this crap the SpermIdiot is well past the level of small claims. He owes us ~$6K for his half of unpaid med expenses. Normal and usual co-pays for Doc visits and Rx’s a broken arm, years of glasses and contacts, knocking out two front teeth while eating a side walk during a bicycle crash, root canal, H1N1 hospitalization, etc, etc, etc ….

Adds up over the years.

We send him demand for payment and a copy of the receipts a couple of times a year just to keep the claim active and to keep penalties and interest accruing. Now that SS is 18 and visitation is no longer mandatory my wife may get around to suing his worthless ass.

At this point the $6K he owes us will be significantly more than that due to 17yrs of penalties and interest on the older stuff.

BabyKat's picture

Hi Rags. Thanks for the comment. "Helpmeeee" told me I should follow your blogging as you have lots of advice on PAS, talking to the skids, etc. We're one of those "high road" couples who has let BM manipulate for years and never talked to the kids about it. Now that I've found this site, I'm kind of regretting keeping my mouth shut.

Rags's picture

BabyKat,

PAS is not my forte. I do some research, figure out what works for me in the blended family world and interface with the opposition with FACTS!

My wife used to try to take the high road and work with my SS's SpermCLan. For years they would waffle between being pleasant and being a complete PITA. Their actions were nothing but manipulative vitriolic crap. It took several years but finally she realized that the high road was forcing them to follow the CO, treat our family with respect and forcing them to comply with what WE decided was in the best interest of our son.

People like your SD's BM and my SS's SpermIdiot and most of his SpermClan are not interested in the best interests of the kid(s). To them the Skid is nothing but a pawn and tool through which they can manipulate their X and anyone else who allows it.

To me the key is to follow the CO to the letter, smack the crap out of them the blended family opposition steps out of line, and do what it takes to keep the opposition in line.

Even if we can't keep them in line we have to do what we can to make deviation from the CO or any behavior counter to the best interests of the kid(s) as painful and expensive as possible for them.

The most effective tools for this that I have found since becoming dad to my SS-18 almost 17yrs ago is the CO and FACT. Any fact will be useful. Court records, recordings or reporter reports. E-mails, V-Mails, recordings ever phone call between BM and you/DH, a journal documenting every call, every conversation, every story the Skids tell about BM and what goes on in BMs house.

PI reports and arrest records, employment history, property records, etc....

It all makes up the tools you will need to keep BM in as much control as possible.

Using this is not abandoning the high road. It is being a traffic cop on the high road and enforcing the rules on the BM when she refuses to take the high road.

Even if she occasionally detours on to the high road never assume she will stay there. Even if her time on the high road is recent. Any time she takes the high road, based on her past and established behavior, the assumption has to be that she is being manipulative.

Facts are not good or bad, they are just facts. The behavior that results in the facts are what is good or bad.

And IMHO facts are the rules of the high road.

Use them to protect your marriage, your family and your Skid.

The facts should also be shared with the Skids in an age appropriate manner. When they are old enough they should be frequently taken to the file cabinet and shown the official facts that counters BM's toxic crap to ensure that they can form their own opinion and judgements on their BM and her behavior.

As a Sparent it is our job to be the Skids mom's/dad's spouse and to be a better parent to the Skid than our equivalent BioParent could ever be.

Good Luck.

somerg's picture

do you know where she bandks at? just take the checks directly to her bank and deposit them yourself, or send a money order or cashier's check

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ddakan's picture

Google it. We can sign up for expertpay in texas and money goes to her from there if we want to send extra, which we don't.