So last year my SS's birthday was terrible, the BM wouldn't look at me and since it was my now DH's turn to host the bday party she invited practically his entire class and wouldn't help my now DH with getting all the kids set up for bowling. So seeing his frustration I decided to step in to help. Well parents saw me helping and assumed I was the BM. One parent even came up to me to ask me a question and I was nice enough to say "well this is his mom you should talk to her" what does she do when i leave to pick up the pizzas? Tells my now DH that I better back off b/c i'm taking away her motherhood. Just terrible, all they did was fight that birthday. So one year later here are the events:
1. We pick up SS for our regular visitation. He wants to have taco's for dinner, go to the store and pick up ingredients to make taco's. As I am cooking, I have all my ingredients laid out to cook and SS asks if I need any help. I didn't. Shortly afterwards I cannot find the taco seasoning that I laid out, thinking I put it away I go to the drawer where I normally keep the seasoning packets there is one in there so i assume I put it in there. When the food is almost done my SS(10) asks, "Is it almost done? Did you use the taco seasoning (he says it by its product name)?" I said "yes I did its almost done" he then procedes to lean down on the other side of the counter and pick up from the floor the packet of taco seasoning. "oh i found this" Now he's 10 years old, and he is intentionally hiding these things. And DH doesn't say anything to him.
2.Birthday party actually went fine, BM actually talked to me. Now normally we don't get SS back after his birthday b/c he always has a sleepover so I made plans with my 2 friends to hang out for a bit afterwards. Well by the time all was over and we ate dinner we get a call that SS wants to come back over. Well I already made plans to hang out with my friends who I haven't seen since a little after my wedding day. So we pick up SS and I offered both SS and DH to come over to my friends house. DH didn't want to go but felt it necessary to not give me a straight answer. So once we got home SS asked me when I would be home I said "i'm not really sure but i'll try not to stay too late" Well I didn't get to friends house until 7:30pm and we watched 2 movies, they live a good 45 minutes away so I didn't get home until 12:30am. DH and I got into a fight b/c he said I was grumpy with him when he would call me while i was at my friends house and he also threw at me that SS had stayed up waiting for me. Made me feel like absolute crap.
What I need help with is my SS who likes to hide things from me and doesn't listen to me despite how much i try to help him and do things for him, I have to feel like crap from my DH who doesn't do anything to enforce discipline in him when SS does things to me intentionally but I'm supposed to feel guilty from needing to get away and see my friends. Wtf am I supposed to do? Am I to make sure I always have spares of stuff he might hide from me? I'll tell you one thing I don't care what day it is and if its my biological kid, if they do something wrong they are going to know why it was wrong.