Feel Like I'm Being Used
I don't post very much but today I'm pissed and need feedback.
Little background - DH and I have been married for 3.5 years and together for 7 yrs. My relationship with SS8 is great. He doesn't remember a time when his dad and I were not together, so he has never treated me with anything but respect. I have always gone on pick ups and drop off and honestly, do most of them myself due to DH's work schedule. For the most part, all of us (DH, BM, and me) got along.
Fast forward to six months ago. BM was living with her BF at the time. SS8 had a love/hate relationship with him, but for the most part liked him. We never had any conflict with him. Come to find out, BM had filed two restraining orders against him for domestic violence and let it slip to me that he was doing drugs in the house. DH found out and basically told her change your living situation or he was going to file for sole custody (they have joint). Long story short, she breaks it off w/BF and he moves out.
Now, during all this, DH lost his job, got 2 months behind on support. We were up front with her and were sending in money, but not the full amount. Once DH told her about filing for sole custody if things did not change, she in turn filed a lawsuit for back support and put leins against everything we own. Needless to say, the relationship is now extremely strained. BM will now go out her way to be rude, dismissive, or just pretend that I don't exist. She has taken out her anger on me, but still maintains a cordial relationship w/DH. It has gotten to the point where I have disengaged as much as I can. I still do pickups and drop offs, but it is very strained. Basically, SS8 gets out of one car and into another. Nothing is said between us.
This is our year for Thanksgiving. We had originally planned to have SS8 from Tues to Sun. BM told DH that SS has a dentist appt Wed. Not a problem, we'll meet on Wed. For the past week I have been under the impression that I will p/u SS on Wed early afternoon. Just found out that BM won't be available until early evening.
This is why I'm pissed. I completely rearranged my work schedule to do this p/u. If I had know it was not until the early evening, I would have worked and saved myself the headache. Not once was I told of any changes.
Do I have a right to be upset or should I just chalk it up to being a stepmom?
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Comments
Chalking something up to being a stepmom doesn't mean you have
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
no rights to be upset. You're under alot of strain right now, with your DH losing his job, BM putting liens on your property, and the worries I'm sure you had over your SS being subjected to a relationship involving domestic violence. Plus the strain of seeing the BM during the p/us.
That's alot on one plate. And the inconvenience you were put thru with your work schedule would irritate any of us, but put it on top of what you're already dealing with, and it's probably the straw, so to speak, that breaks the camels back.
Just make sure you take care of you. There's alot going on here, and, trust me on this, trying to deal with blows that are out of your control, can lead you straight to the doctors office, if you don't find some kind of outlet for yourself.
I hope you have a lovely Thanksgiving, and can forget all the drama and stress for at least one day.
this has nothing to do with this
what do you mean by putting liens on property?
I don't know what that is? or is that in all states
or what????
bm is just being a b*tch
as soon as they're threatened in any way, they turn into adult-children. that's the problem I've got with bm...i asked her not to come into our home (the one they shared when they were married fyi), she threw a fit and i fought back...she now hates me and wants to be a b*tch whenever possible but she definitely does not come anywhere near me or my home anymore.lol but like i say, once you cross them they stay mad.
I'm sure yours is just messing with you to be a b*tch.
You know, there are days where I wish someone would come up with a tv show where sm's and bm's can box or fight it out in those sumo suits.LOL I would be first in line for that one.
i wouldnt deal w her anymore
its not ur responsibility to pick up the kid...if u have a good relationship and can, fine, but if not, DH can and she can sit and wait for him to get off work to do it. thats how it is w us bc BM HATES me for no reason. so i dont do her any favors and she sits at home on the EOW fri and waits til 6 or 7 when DH can leave work and get SD when she could be picked up EOW consistently at 4 by me, IF bm were normal. but shes not.
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
Take heed
I have to tell you all about this doing stuff or going out of your way to make life easier for BM (in the disguise of doing for the skids). My H and his family took skids to school, babysit, took food over to BM's house - anything the skids need on their EOW with BM. The BM got evicted (she likes to part instead pf pay bills) we took full custody. H asked for CS and BM ask for her EOW custody back. The judge ruled that because H and his family HELPED provide for the skids during BM's week - then BM was providing for her kids and the judge gave her back her EOW - even though she was homeless!!! (Living with diffierent family memebers different days of the week!) - keep in mind when you or H does for BM it can be construed by the courts as BM providing for the skids!!!