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Jealous SD

Ashleighms08's picture

Submitted by Ashleighms08 on Tue, 01/29/2019 - 11:52pm

Me and my now fiancé are expecting twins in five months and he has a 12 year old daughter whom he has full custody of and for the most part she is a sweetheart! However she is jealous of the time and attention that is shared between me and her dad! I am 29 years old and her dad is 39! I have two daughters of my own! Their dad has primary custody of them and I get them every other weekend ! It was really bad at first ! When it’s just me and her , we get along just fine! But when her dad gets off of work or whatever she wants his full attention! She used to get really angry if I came in the room with her and her dad! Or if they were going to walk the dog and he invited me to come along she would get mad and not even go with us! Her dad got stern with her and it stopped for a while but now it seems like since the pregnancy it has picked back up! She doesn’t get as angry but it’s like now she is trying  different approach! If her dad hugs me or anything like that she will try and find a way to distract his attention from me to her! She act like she is strangling or her drink or her head hurts! If he tells me he loves me she’ll clear her throat so he can tell her too! We have both tried to tell her his love for me has nothing to do with his love for her ! But she can’t accept it ! And now that I am pregnant and moody I really want that alone time with him some! Tonight I was trying to have a conversation with him and she butted in wanting him to pay attention to her and he told her that it was rude to interrupt and asked if she wanted to join in the conversation! She pouted and had an attitude until we stopped talking! I have expressed to him how I felt from time to time but I get tired of singing the same old song! I don’t wanna keep bashing his child and sounding like a demon step mom ! I even told him and her to start back going on their dad and daughter dates! Me and her dad have only gone on one date together because of her jealousy! He talked to her about it but he never sticks with being stern with her! I am also starting to sense some jealousy about our twin babies! I don’t know what to do! Her dad loves me and I love him! But life is too short to be unhappy!! I need advice and words of encouragement 

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thinkthrice's picture

Submitted by thinkthrice on Wed, 01/30/2019 - 5:52am

a DH problem.  He has to put her in her place with authority.  "Talking to her" (TM) is not enough.  She is old enough to be set straight.  DH needs to stiffen his spine and tell her he loves her in a different way and their is no need to be jealous so she must stop this foolishness at once.  If she continues, he must mete out consequences.  This cannot come from your lips. 

It should be noted in the bid now before the babies come.   We have had posters whose mini-wives have become super jealous (usually due to egging on by the jealous BM projecting) that they had caused harm to SM and their half siblings.

 

Ashleighms08's picture

Submitted by Ashleighms08 on Wed, 01/30/2019 - 12:21pm

I know! He does get stern and then he lets up ! She makes him feel bad for it ! And he has begged me not to leave ! She has run off past girlfriends with her jealousy ! But I have told him u can’t let her be in control but because when you let up she takes it as an opportunity to keep on with her madness! Idk it seems like he feels the need to baby her since we found out about the twins ! I know they talk in private but I feel like she has made the comments that he’s gonna love the babies more than her and for one she is too damn old for some of the shit she does! I mean sometimes I just wanna get all of my shit and leave 

marblefawn's picture

Submitted by marblefawn on Thu, 01/31/2019 - 8:12am

Do not go back to Daddy dates.

If you think this is bad, imagine if he did NOTHING but cater to her. My SD is in her 30s and she still acts like this because her father never, NEVER pushed back at the jealousy and little-girl behavior.

Keep on him to keep on her. Eventually, it might take. But if you stop correcting his behavior to correct her behavior, you'll have a 30-something acting the way your 12-year-old SD does now. It's awful when they're old enough to really be vindictive and manipulative. Right now, you're only dealing with a 12-year-old's ability to manipulate. They get much better at it as they get older.

I know you're fed up, but appreciate the fact that he does ANYTHING to push this back. If you don't have that, you're destined for disengagement and all the turmoil that brings.