I am sorry this will only get worse. And the 1st time DH said anything like that I would of packed up and left. No one should talk to you like that. And SD sounds like she is out of control.

Change the Wifi password, Hide the Snacks, and her clothes are on the floor she can earn them back.  

I would say get a job first chance you get and get out of there with your son.

Your DH is in an emotionally incestous relationship with his daughter, she is his mini wife. You are just there to sleep in the bed with him.

Don't allow your DH to manipulate you into staying out of fear, contact a lawyer, contact a woman's shelter, contact any local groups in your area the could help. Arm yourself with knowledge, it will make leaving him less scary.

Your husband is a YUGE part of the problem. Does he thinks it's normal for a child to be in charge of raising another child? Gads.

You have a much bigger problem than SD.

Time to plan your exit. ASAP.

What is all this "allowed" stuff?  You're not allowed to be excited?  You're not allowed to choose your own son's clothing?  You're not allowed to do anything with your son unless she's there?  You are a grown adult.  You are ALLOWED to do these things.  You are allowing your SO and his daughter to control what you do, and this is not necessary.  Are you really common law, or can you walk away without a divorce?  Why do you stay in this miserable situation?

ASAP.

Get a job, get your finances in order and leave. Document as much as you can, or journalise. You need to start a life without this loser and his toxic spawn. File for full custody.

Leave. What's he going to do about it? Take back your power. Separate your finances. You're not working to finance his whims. You're not married, you have every right to leave with your child. Find yourself a place to live with your child. You don't have to live like this. 

Yikes, this sounds like hell on Earth.  Start putting putting some of your money away, even if it's just a small amount, in a separate account and save up. Borrow from friends and family if needed - but get out of there. This guy is abusive.

He's not going to get full custody of your son, don't worry about that. But if I'm not mistaken, in Canada, with a common-law marriage, you have the same protections as legal marriage, so you will need to discuss dividing assets, etc, with an attorney, not only custody.

ETA: If you separate and there is no official custody, then it's not kidnapping to take your son. Just be sure he doesn't get wind of you leaving because he also has an equal right to take off with your son and might do so.

You don't have a skid problem, you have a partner problem. Your SD is the way she is because of the way your SO is. Both he and BM sound quite trashy.

You need to face the truth: you are in an abusive relationship. You are being abused and financially exploited by this man. It will only get worse, and there is no salvaging this. You need to save yourself and your child, but in order to do that you need to know what your rights are so you can create an escape plan.

Please talk to an attorney, talk to some women's shelters, and plan your exit. Once you are away from the situation, you will be amazed at how much better you feel and wonder why you didn't leave sooner. I know this because there are members here who've been where you are, and we're all here for you. (((hugs)))

So you're not married? Is he on the birth certificate for your son? Your SO doesn't have much of a leg to stand on when it comes to getting custody and claiming you're kidnapping. In fact, if you leave, until there is a CO, neither of you are kidnapping (so long as one of you isn't just up and leaving the state/country without giving info on where you're going).

You're not in a hopeless situation. In fact, it should be more than easy for you to get 50/50 custody. Hell, it sounds like his ex has some custody WITH a drug use history.  He and his dad are trying to scare you into staying, and I'd bet your SO learned this crappy behavior from the very man who is telling you that he'll help his son win full custody.

Talk to an attorney. Start putting money away into an account. Say you got a pay cut at work due to COVID and shove some cash into another account. Get a loan if you have to. Contact a domestic violence shelter and see what resources they have. You CAN get out of this and NOT lose your son.

It doesn't matter if he knows where the women's shelter is, I live in a small town and we all know where the women's shelter is, yet there are women who leave their abusive husbands everyday and go there to get the help they need. It sounds like he has progressively chipped away at your confidence so that you will believe whatever macho BS he makes up. Call a lawyer, talk to somebody, but take your power back, at least for your sons sake...do you want him to grow up to be just like his dad?

She is some kind of therapist or pyschiatrist.  Her channel is called LIVE ABUSE FREE.  She talks so much about narcissits and how they control you and gas light and triangulation and how they get their narcissitic supply.  Your husband and his actions hit all those red flags.  You are in an abusive relationship that you have to get out of for your self and for your child's sake.   

Why are you negotiating with a child? All kids try to boss around and parent their younger siblings...but not all parents allow it. My dear sweet niece (a year younger than your SD) will try to "parent" her little brother and my sister calmly shuts it down with: "Ive got this" or "He already has a mom."

Nip that in the bud. Dont ever let her tell you what or when your son can eat or what he wears again. That's insane.

Of course, the bigger problem is your DH. She probably thinks it's ok to boss you around because she watches him do it.

Take your money and get out of there. I'm serious. No way I'd be funding the abuse on top of everything else. But what will he do??!! Not your problem. He'll probably find someone else to abuse...it's unfortunate...but also not your problem. 

wow this is insane !!!!  get out now !!!  He cant do anything if you leave with your son,, you are the mother and there is no indication that you would be kidnapping your own son without any court docs in place,,, your partner is an idiot.  start documenting things he says to you that are abusive and go from there .  just start preparing to leave 

Threatening that you will never see your son if you leave is ABUSE. Start the convo one day when he's at work and see if he's dumb enough to reiterate that to you over a series of text messages. Family law is behind on certain areas and while in my DH's case it screwed him over, here I think it will work to your advantage.

The courts always favour the mother. Even abusive drug addled mothers get access to their kids if not custody over healthy, stable fathers. As an example - I reckon there was some PND at play here but my friend's wife was convinced he was cheating on her so one day when he was at work she cleaned out their joint savings and disappeared with their toddler. Police wouldn't tell him where his son was, only told him they've managed to make contact and he was safe. She made up a series of false assault allegations that were all thrown out in court. Gave him PTSD for having to defend himself against rape allegations. Essentially kidnapped their son and yet he had to jump through all these hoops to even see his child again. It took over a year before he could work up to weekend visits and three years until he could have his son overnight. We used to refer to her as "your crazy wife" back when they were married but it became less funny when she turned out to be actually crazy.

Do you have family you can impose on for a short amount of time before you find your feet? As embarrassing as it is to let them know your situation, do it for your son if not for yourself. Doesn't sound like this situation will get any better and it'll screw up any kid to grow up second best in this dysfunction. 

That child needs therapy and you need out. This doesn't sound like a healthy relationship for anyone involved. 

Move out. Continue dating the father if you aren't able to break it off, but absolutely do not,  under any circumstances,  ever see SD again. I have an SD who was a wreck likes yours and I managed to cut her out of my life for the most part. She's 16 now and her behaviors started at age 11-12. Life is so much more peaceful now. Moving out doesn't equate to kidnapping your son. Your sons father is just trying to intimidate you with false information. Don't fall for it.

Bonjour. Be careful about common law relationships in Quebec, they are more serious in law and those in them have more rights than in other provinces, or at least used to be. Meaning, see a lawyer ASAP. I would also open another bank account, in a bank you do not deal with, and have my pay redirected there. Then I would pack my important things, find a shelter in another city and run. F*ck your SO. He's an abuser. You are stronger than this. You do not want your son exposed to a man like this. 

Make a plan, start putting money away find a place to go. There is no custody arrangement. The police will not get involved. Even if Thier were a custody arrangement unless it specifically states that if OP denies access to the child then the police can intervene. They will not get involve, everything would have to be handled in Family court.