I'm 8 mo pregnant and skids think I'm fat like Mama
I realize now that I did not take the time to process the situation that I am in. I did not realize that BM is a everyday part of my life, and Im not sure how to deal. My H is a very guilt ridden parent, who jumps when BM calls or asks for money, (on top of the 1200 per month support) and needs groceries. She recently had issues with getting the child support checks on time. Keep in mind that she works full time and should be able to get by on that alone. H was bending over backwards to make sure that she got the checks. He tells me he does it for the kids, but I feel like she has some sort of control over him. BM does use the kids against him, but its genuine fear he has. H still has not told the skids that I'm pregnant. Im 8 months along and the skids think I'm just fat like their mom. We have them 3-4 days a week, and she still wants us to keep them more. And when we get them all I hear is how "Mommy says you stole Daddy" crap from a 5 yr old. Does anyone know about CS in Illinois? I think she gets way too much money, and the kids are always dirty and have old clothes that dont fit, that I have to wash. I realize that BM has expenses too, but since when is hair bleach and self tanner a necessity..
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hehehe
"but since when is hair bleach and self tanner a necessity.."
To freaking funny.
How long have you guys been together? Sometimes some of this guiltparenting wears off after a year or so, and sometimes it never does. Depends on your DH I guess.
I can't stand it when the BM in our life wants us to raise our SD but pay her to raise her. Some of these BM's are ridiculous.
~Happiness is defined by the smile on your face, not the frown on others.~
all of these BM 's are insane
we have been together 2 years. Married for 1. BM makes me feel physically sick.
((((HUGS))))
I don't think you're fat like their mommy!!! You poor dear!! I would tell the skids myself if I were preggers...there is NO way I'd let that shit fly. And the five year old needs to be taught a lesson in "your BM is an insane loser/liar and THAT'S why daddy left her." You gotta get this stuff in line before your baby comes. Google the cs laws in your state and get it organized before you're too busy with your baby to do anything about the circus that is your skids and their BM.
"We all have different desires and needs, but if we don't discover what we want from ourselves and what we stand for, we will live passively and unfulfilled.”
WTF???
You cannot be serious... 8 months and they do not know... and they are with you guys 3 to 4 days a week...
:jawdrop:
What is the reason you haven't told them? they need to get used to the idea of having a new brother/sister. I don't think is healthy to tell them a week before the baby is born "hey you are gonna have a brother/sister in a week!" or worse, what if the baby comes before the due date, and without prior notice, they find out they have a new baby brother or sister..........
You don't know what their reactions will be like...
I just don't understand... sorry...
So, you guys don't have a room for the baby yet? and baby items? How is it that they haven't notices anything?
Why would you want to keep it a secret?... I'm so lost...
~You can see clearly only with your heart. What is truly important is invisible to the eyes~ Antoine de Saint-Exupéry's
That's my question too . . .
Why the big secret?
i have not said anything
i have not said anything cause I want my H to do so. There is baby stuff everywhere, its almost like denial. I think the skids now and just dont want to admit it, cause then its true. I could give 2 shi*ts, about skids adjusting and whatnot, I just really want BM to know, she thinks Im a fat a** like herself, and I cant wait to tell her, the kids did not notice I was pregnant, just thought I looked like you. It is mind blowing why H does not want to tell kids, any ideas on what I can do? I ve asked and the last 3 weekends he promised to do so, but has somehow forget....
CS in IL
Yeppers I know the law most likely better than most attorneys, what info are you looking for
law
if we have the skids, 3-4 days a week, which is more than BM has them. Should she get less money? And where is all the money going, she can never pay her bills, th kids are filthy and in hand me down rags, but she always has new clothes and shoes and hair. Also my H pays xra on top of cs for day care, shouldent that be taken care of with the cs?
Ummm. . wow.. I just had my
Ummm. . wow.. I just had my baby 7 wks ago.. and really... he needs to tell them NOW! We waited til I was 6 mths along, and that was because I was worried about the drama the bm would cause as well as the skids, as I had had 3 miscarriages prior to this pregnancy, and I didnt want the stress.
He needs to wake up and realize that this IS happening and his kids are going to be unhappy when they realize that he has not told them.. My skids questioned how long we knew, vs when they were told! How is he going to explain the baby in the house if he doesnt tell them soon? Does he want them to think that the baby isnt his??? is that why he is putting it off? I just dont get it.
Love how bm's blame the new wife for the break up of their marriage when the new wife didnt meet the dh until well AFTER the divorce!! Rewriting history is a not a valid hobby!!
OH OH OH... This is very
OH OH OH... This is very messed up. My friend there are alot of things here that are really messed up.....#1 Why haven't you or H told the Step children about the new baby? It's not like you were going to be able to hide for very long. I really have an issue with H not honoring you and this child from the beginning. Who is he really trying to hide this baby from?? Sounds like to me... THE EX? So he can once again fed into the EX dislusions that you don't exsist. NOT GOOD! I get the feeling that H doesn't even know how messed up this is. Most people don't. Until it is so out of control and another marriage bits the dust, because of the EX interfearing in the ex spouses life. BUT here me loud and clear on this.... he needs to go to counseling. And you as well. For the both of you and for these children, to give them a healthy life. This will only get worse as time goes on with the EX. There needs to be boundries and guild lines set for the EX, in order for your marriage and you to be honored. This EX has H wrapped up, having H jumping through hoops. And the EX is laughing in his and your face. This is what all EX's do! Again the EX's almost always uses the children to manipulate the fathers. They hold the children as leverage to control the fathers.. Bless you my friend and your husband... Been there done that...."Be kind" to H when you tell your H he is not the first to be put in this position by and EX... it happens a million times a day. And he won't be the last. Remember this.... it is not what people ask or do to you..... it is how we react to it, that matters. Make no mistake this EX plans for a very long time to make your lives as miserable and dysfunctional as hers, if you allow it. You must take a stand with the EX and get you and H into counseling. It will be hard as -ell for sure in the beginning, but think of it this way... live with the h-ll for a few months or for the rest of the time these step children will be in your lives and in your home. I have been there, and I must say it was not easy, not one bit. But it will be the best for all involve to include this new baby.
My husband and I are in our fifties and we are still learning about life. We are very education and loving people. We have had to learn through conseling as well, that we don't always have all the anwsers. And when it comes to blending a family, trust me it is best to do it with professional help. I know that you and your H wants the best for your family, as we all do. Get the help with a professional. You and your H will feel a weight being lifted off your shoulders.
One other thing I recommend educate your self and do the research needed to learn and protect yourself from the EX.
Here are a few questions....
1) Does H have a court order for CS? What's the amount?
2) Does H have a visitation court order?
Good luck to you.....
Google
Is a great tool! Look up CS laws for your state & check out your attorney general's site. That site would probably have a lot of information about CS on it.
I hate when a bitter ex tells the kids that someone stole their other parent, implying that the other parent left the kids. I don't think that paying TONS of CS, calling them a lot, and seeing them on a regular schedule is leaving your kids.
He needs to tell the kids! They could be very angry later that he told them so late!