17 year old trying to rip family apart
Have you ever met a 17 year old female that wanted so badly to get her own way that she would do everything and anything to rip a family with small children apart? Daddy sees her as being a perfect angel. It was brought to our attention last night that she has been lying at school saying I abuse her and she hates me. Her father did not say a word, in fact he turned around and somehow managed to put the blame on my 11 year old. We also have a 3 year old. I am ready to walk, I am done with the lies... anyone else have this issue at all?
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You know, some will argue
You know, some will argue with me but this is how I feel: I think her age is irrelevant and her step status is irrelevant, I think she prob has a personality disorder and people like that come in all shapes and ages. There are steps that try to rip apart families, ex wives that try the same, and even in laws. Crazy and selfish is crazy and selfish. Unfortunately there is not much help for personality disorders.
I feel really bad for you, it sounds terrible. I would not have her in the home when you are there and document that you have no contact with her at all. If you DH will agree to visit her alone away from you that would be great. I would not expose yourself or your kids to her crazy again. Lots of people here have had the same thing happen to them, false allegations, investigations etc. It seems to be in the sd or bm manual
This page is called step
This page is called step talk.... lol
Also, I felt her age was
Also, I felt her age was relevant because in the state I live, this is considered grown. And also to prove the fact that she is 17 and should not be acting 5 and that fact DH is willing to throw the family life away for a 3 year old because of an almost adult that is absolutely psychotic!
Sure... he simply started
Sure... he simply started trashing my 11 year old saying she does not listen and she does not do chores and blah blah blah... He said he would absolutely not do a damn thing to his daughter because I was older and should know how to just look over her.... then he told me I was worthless for showing favoritism but you damn right I favor my biological children more than a child I have loved and raised for years who wants to see me burn because I make her do chores!!
He favors his kid and you
He favors his kid and you favor your kid.
Did he lie about your kid? If not, then you both have issues your bios that need to be addressed.
I won't go so far as to say
I won't go so far as to say that my SD17 was purposely trying to rip our family apart, but she was doing a pretty damn good job of lying and manipulating my DH during the 2 years that she lived with us. I could see right through her and would dare point out the nonsense, then I would be the bad guy. Nothing was ever her fault because poor, poor SD has a shit for brains piece of crap BM. It took DH about 1.5 years to finally catch on to her games and stop blaming everyone else but it was 1.5 years of pure hell, hell in which I was certain our marriage was not going to last.
the only thing that saved us was that my DH stopped being an ostrich and started admitting that SD was NOT perfect, that SD WAS acting the fool and he started calling her out on her shit. If your DH won't do any of those things, then I fear you are doomed.
I am glad to see I am not the
I am glad to see I am not the only one. He will not admit she has any faults. He has not in 5 years and never will. His entire family tells him all the time he needs to pull his head out of his ass and see her for what she is. His brother told him he divorced his ex wife and is raising her now. She purposely does it. She sets a little fire that she knows will cause an arguement then she stands back and waits. She told me last night in front of her dad, she would rather go live in a girl's home then have to live under rules... I figure, hell If I just sit back, she will destroy herself eventually anyway!! Thanks for your reply, this blog page is such a stress reliever!! I love your signature. Everyone gets offended about everything these days... geez..
*mommy has a potty mouth*
That's what I finally had to
That's what I finally had to do... just sit back and say nothing and do nothing and let SD hang herself and she did a bang up job of it. Got caught lying about school, was failing everything, got caught, plastered, at an underage drinking party after telling DH she had "no interest in drinking".. DH had to go out at 4 am and pick her drunk ass up from the state police. Then she was ordered to do 40 hours of community service which she lied about and never did so DH started getting letters from probation saying if she didn't do her shit, they were sending her back to the judge and it was just on and on.. seriously some bullshit at least once a week. DH finally got pissed and told her that her living with us was not working, that he was trying to "save" her from BM, but she obviously had no interest in saving herself, so by all means run back to GBM/BM clan.
DH's Aunt was always in love with SD, always in the "poor SD it's not her fault camp" and offered to take SD back in January. So SD moved 3 states away and now lives with Aunt J. Funny thing is, not even ONE MONTH into this Aunt J was calling DH bitching and ripping her hair out about typical SD antics. I wanted to run around my house screaming I TOLD YOU SO!!!!! It's not just me being a wicked step mother!
Gah it's freaking maddening!
Oh geez... we are going
Oh geez... we are going through the same exact thing!!! I feel you 100% on the I am not the wicked step mother. I am going to keep giving her rope until she hangs herself!!! Thanks
I said this earlier today to
I said this earlier today to someone else, I wouldn't be under the same roof or anywhere NEAR a false accuser. I'm not losing my kids because of some 17yo c**t. And the way your H treats your 11yo would be enough for me to leave, after Bobbitizing him of course.
C**t is putting it nicely!!
C**t is putting it nicely!!
I will not be around her without witnessess ever. DH says I am being a pompass ass by doing that and he says it is more of a way for me to belittle miss precious!! He has nothing to lose, I have a career that I spent a shit load of time in college for!! I will remain this way until she moves the hell out or I do!!
CPS has NOT been contacted.
CPS has NOT been contacted. She only tells people that for attention but when they ask her if she wants to report it, she says.. NO... She just wants her father to kick me and the two children out so she can go back to doing exactly what she wants how she wants. Besides, cps does not get involved over the age of 16. 17 is an independent age and they will tell her she has the legal right to move out. She says I emotionally abuse her because I called her a "lazy ass child."... there has been no accusations of physical abuse because she is bigger than me and knows they would never buy that!!!
If she is saying that at
If she is saying that at school, then someone should have reported to CPS. All school employees are mandated reporters.
CPS absolutely will look into abuse charges if the kid is 17. Both parents are still legally and financially responsible for her so she isn't an adult.
There's no way I'd risk CPS pulling my kud's from my home because of a SKs lies. My kids and I would be gone until husband got his kid under control.
How does she say that you
How does she say that you abuse her?
She says I emotionally abuse
She says I emotionally abuse her because I called her a lazy ass child!!
I would proudly own that
I would proudly own that abuse. She is a lazy ass.
Exactly.... I told her she
Exactly.... I told her she would be laughed at if she tried to report that but she would just make up lies like she always does.
When my DH's eldest daughter
When my DH's eldest daughter was around the same age as your SD, yes she was exactly the same. She wanted so much to destroy the relationship that DH and I had that she not only ripped them (her and DH) apart - moved out of our home that she had been living in fulltime for over two years and back with BM - but refusing to set foot in our house or see DH as long as he was with me.
She even took this farther and started cutting off DH's family, which was very upsetting for them, especially his mother my MIL
It was all about this "it's her or it's me" attitude with DH's daughter
I will tell you that until your DH takes a stand and makes it clear that you are not the wicked step-mother, he has your back, and you are not going anywhere, this may take a while to improve for you
And even then, it can get really much worse before it gets better
My DH was just like yours in that his precious daughter was not at fault for anything. Even BM of all people supported me (she and her SO had already been through this same scenario with SD so she understood) but it wasn't until my FIL, DH's Dad made it clear he was embarrassed, angry and disappointed in his granddaughter's behaviour to everyone especially me who he felt was wonderful to her despite all her ill-treatment. Only then did DH admit that not I, nor anyone but his daughter herself, was the problem here. He took a stand and told her I wasn't going anywhere, especially as all this was just over a jealous tantrum she was having.
However, like I said it sometimes gets even worse after that - his daughter called his shot and continued to cut him out of her life.
Eventually she 'came around' an act she puts on, but continues in my opinion to be full of anger and need for infantile revenge against me. We do see her regularly now, and her son calls me Grandma. Dh continues to be defensive about her even when he can clearly see her being out of line, but all in all it is MUCH better and much more tolerable these days
I really hope it works out better for you
Honestly best advice I can give you is don't take it personally. Sometimes even good people behave in evil ways in the step situation. It sometimes brings out the worst in people....this I believe is the case with DH's daughter and his sister
Some advice BM once gave to me about OSD, she said to me "you did nothing to cause this and can do nothing to fix it, it's between her and her father".
So true!!
Just keep being a decent human being and behave in the classiest way you can
take the high road!
You, Disillusioned, have
You, Disillusioned, have given me the very best advice. Thank you so much for your words. It is exactly like this. BM does not even talk to her or have anything at all to do with her because of her spoiled brat tactics. She says her father ruined her and she does not give a crap. She is a piece of crap anyway but, like in your situation, SD tried to rip BM relationships apart as well. She is not happy within her own skin so she does not want anyone else happy.
DH did tell her last night that I was not going anywhere and she could get the hell over it... He then told me I need to quit attacking his precious, precious...(reminds me of the ugly little things on Lord of the rings)... "must have the precious"
If myself and DH are having a good day, laughing and joking and playing with the other girls or watching a movie talking about dinner plans, she starts her shit. She cannot stand to see us happy and she always makes sure she gets us into a huge fight.
She is going to hang herself eventually and find out that biting the arm that feeds you is not the smartest plan. She told me it was all about money and the lack of money I give her. I refuse to give her shit until she starts to earn her keep!!
Thanks again, glad someone can relate to my situation. I thought I was all alone in the world!!
Yes! My MIL the lovely lady
Yes! My MIL the lovely lady
And she is 64.
Wow yes our SD's do sound a
Wow yes our SD's do sound a lot alike Aprilshowers14....you know when even the BM's aren't supporting their daughter's behavior there must really be something wrong with the skid's attitude! Your SD sounds very jealous, and is acting out. It may never go away, but over time if she sees it does not get her anywhere and you and your DH are still a team, then she may learn to adjust her response....hopefully!