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Apple's picture

Hi there,
Very glad to find this site to find comfort, support and understanding.
DH and I married for 10 years, we met online, I was born and raised in another country, we had a long distance relationship for a year. When he told me he has a 9 years old son from the previous marriage, I didn't think twice and told him, I love kids! I was young and stupid, and love is blind.
1st time SS and I met, I know I was in trouble when I found out he was fully potty trained. He was just disagnosed with ADHD. Other than, he was a sweet boy, I think he even like me. That was before we got married.
The day I said yes to my now DH, I know this is a long road with no return, I will leave my friends and family behind, start adapting the new environment and culture. All my friends already know what I signed up for and had warned me, my family was blindsided, you can tell I pretty much made up my mind and no one can change my mind. That also mean, I don't have a support system in place.
Why? You may ask. One word, LOVE, that is, and love is blind.

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Apple's picture

Hi OD,
I am Chinese from Hong Kong. Yes, spot on, I think even different families in the same country have different ways or ideas to bring up their children, but coming from different country made the role of being step parents more complicated. I was very confused with SS's behavior and not sure how to handle.
Thanks for the encouragement, he took many many different meds over the years, there were two things bothered us: the side effects and his self esteem. When he is on med, he loses the appetite, this trigger the mood swing, the viscous cycle just go on and on. He also believe the pills are his being good pills....anyway, he is no longer on meds, he is a bright young man, can be productive, at the moment just very lost.
SS is 19, he is going to live with us until he secure a job.
I am keeping the blog for this very reason, I am worried and scared.

Apple's picture

SS tried Karate when he was 9, I don't think that last long, not sure about the detail. He was raised by TV and video games, unfortunately.
We had him every other weekends plus BM's ad hoc schedule. No discipline when we have him because DH do not want the conflicts or resentment.
I felt like an outsider in my own home a lot, I am glad I wasn't alone when other step parents have the same issue.
Things are not really that bad with my SS, we have our ups and downs like everyone else, many lessons learnt and boundaries set over the years.
We have a one year old daughter, just finished our last payment of CS a year ago. SS finished HS and worked F/T. DH and I are ecstatic about the new changes in our lives. SS now is out of work and sitting at home playing WOW everyday. Yeah, BM is kicking him out, and it's our turn to assist him to be a responsible productive individual.
There is never a dull moment in the parenthood world, right? Need I to say how tricky it is for the step parents?