I have a bit of an issue explaining myself, but I'll do my best.. This might get choppy.. Appologies in advance! LOL

My family is tired of hearing me talk about my home life issues. It's been going on for so long now, and I've complained and have been miserable for so long that now they just get irritated when a situation arises. I cannot vent to them without them telling me, "Shit or get off the pot!" Basically, fix the problem or shut up! I've spent so much time and energy trying to fix these problems, and finally have come to the conclusion that they cannot be fixed. I cannot fix these issues myself, and trying to do so, I have caused myself to fall into a deep depression. I started taking random pills (even stealing vicodins from my sister) to numb my emotional pain and loneliness. I've abused Nyguil, popped numerous Ibuphropens at a time and now I drink heavily alone in my room until I pass out drunk! I am a full time (we have custody of her)SM to a 13SD. I have been married for 8 years, and we have no children together. I cannot vent to my family, so here I am, once again, to vent here, to anyone that has an interest in listening and maybe can relate... maybe head some advise?! This is more for myself, to get this off my chest without having to feel like I'm weighing someone down with my problems.

*I found freshly chewed gum embedded into the carpets in the backseat of my car. Conveniently, this is the seat my SD sits in.(No one else sits back there....ever!) When I found it, I called hubby and told him what I found. He said he would "take care of it when he got home". By "taking care of it" he just put the floormat over it to hide it. He never mentioned it to SD and even tried to place blame on one of her friends that rode in our car once WEEKS prior! So as it stands now, the gum is still there covered up by a floormat, and SD has never once been asked about it. He said, "I cannot picture (insert childs name here) deliberatley putting gum into the carpet. Are you sure it wasen't (insert child's friends name here). Trying to place blame on his daughter FRIEND rather than his daughter, whom I know, is at fault! So frustrating!

Also, she's 13, and he still wakes up EVERY morning, pours her cereal and milk for her and puts it on the table for her. He gets her lunch together every morning for her. When she asks "whats there to eat?", he jumps up and tell her everything that in the cupboard or fridge. At night if she says she wants water, he jumps up, puts ice and water in a cup and hands it to her... I bought her celery for lunch per her request.. he said that he needed to cut her celery up for her ... When she wants a snack, (ie: a frozen burrito.. chips..) he gets it for her. Basically, he doesnt think his child is capable of doing anything on her own. She's 13, not 5!!!!!!! He even a month or so ago, picked out her pajamas for her because she got in bed with her regular clothes on and forgot to put her pj's on.

*SD has no respect for me and hubby refuses to do anything about it. There's been several instances, too many to list really, so I will just use the most recent incident as an example. Two days ago, I made a chores list for SD to complete BEFORE she got on the computer. Hubby does not make her do chores on a regular basis, ( I tried to enforce chores last year, however they suddenly stopped being done when she saved up enough money for the Ipod touch she wanted, and I found myself being the only one trying to get her to complete her chores. I got tired of it and just gave up.) I knew I was not going to be home when hubby dropped her off at home after school, so I taped the note to her computer. The note said,"Before you get on the computer, I would like for you to do a couple chores first. 1) Clean your bedroom. 2)Clean your bathroom, including scrubbing your tub AND toilet. 3) Empty the dishwasher. Text me before you get on the computer. Thanks!" When I finally got home, she was there cleaning her room. She did have attitude, but I just ignored it. I ended up having to leave again. I was gone for few hours, picked hubby up from work, came home and noticed she was on the computer. (the computer is in HER room btw. Not something I agree with, but again, hubby doesnt mind it so I roll with it) I was irritated that she did not do what was asked of her, and that was to text me before she got on the computer. I didn't say anything to hubby because he just gets bothered when I do, it becomes a huge fight and I always lose the battle. No point. I took my bottle of wine and went to my room. Hubby ended up coming in and asking what was wrong. I told him I'd rather not talk about it. He insisted so I told him. Not only did she NOT text me like she was suppose to, she did not touch the toilet. There was still shit skids on the toilet seat! Yuck! To me, thats a blatant lack of respect! Two "fuck you's" in one day! Awesome! Wanna know the excuse hubby had for her this time?! "Was it written in the note for her to clean her toilet?" I said, "yes".. I like how I'm being questioned here.. Like I'm the child! LOL I told him it was. He said, "You're not going to like what I have to say, but I don't agree with you that she needs to be punished for this. How can you punish a child who just came home with straight A's on her report card, for something so silly? She's a bit of an airhead, so maybe she just didn't read the part to scrub the toilet?" Really?! He makes excuses for her for everything! This was two days ago.. So yesterday he comes home,I think he sees that I'm fading away slowly.. because he lamely attempted to tell SD how disrespectful it was to not text me like she was told to do. She was on the computer when he told her this, and was playing a game, not looking at him. LOL! Really?! Yea, I'd take my dad serious if he was standing behind me, not making me look at him while telling me I was being disresepctful to his wife.. LMAO! and I'm at my witts end. I'm tired of being miserable, I want to leave but I am fearful. I've been with this man for 8 years.. it's a scary thought to leave. Anyways, I'm at my witts end. I've already refused to take her to and from school like I used to do. Hubby works early, we have one car and it's easier for HIM if I just take her to school after I drop him off at work. Well, for the last five days I've refused. I dont make his lunches anymore like I always used to do, I haven't done his laundry, just mine.. etc. I've remained calm and haven't yelled out of frustrations. I think I'm ready to move on. I've had it. I use to feel intimidated by him, fearful to upset him.. Not so much anymore. I refuse to go to Parent/Teacher conference with him in two days.. I'm washing my hands. I use to take it out on her for many months.. I hated her because of her lack of respect, but I'm finally realizing that it's not her fault, it's his fault for allowing it. You might say, hey, why don't you jump in and punish her yourself?! Well, because the humiliation that follows when hubby freaks out because he doesn't agree, is down right aweful and we end up getting in massive fights. I dont think I've quite mustard up the courage to leave, but I know I'm getting close. Last night him telling me how he doesnt agree with punishing her for disrespecting because she just brought home straight A's on her report card, I think was the nail in the coffin. He has no respect for me either if he just continuously allows this disrespect.

I found a quote this morning that really hit me, so I decided to chuck it in an email to hubby: "Excuses are the nails used to build a house of failure."