I believe only the BIO's get this right....Also, DH has it in his DD that no one can be called that other than the bio's. It doesn't stop SD17 from calling her SD that, but it is not supposed to happen. DH just doesn't seem to care anymore...

My mom tried to get me to call my step dad "dad", that was at age 6. All I can tell you, is that it made me feel uncomfortable and confused. He was a yeller and now I feel like I'm seeing the want in their eyes as they were waiting for me to answer. I ended up saying "I can't, he is not my dad." I swear he hated me from that day on. So to answer your question, no kid of any age should ever be put into that position and made to feel that way IMO.

If everyone is okay with it, or if the child is older than 18 and has explained their choices, I think that is okay. Or if the father/mother was never in their lives and the step adopted them.

I say this because DH and I have "adopted" son who calls us "mom" and "dad" even though both his parents are alive and they are in regular, albeit inconsistent contact. He is older than me and younger than DH--mom abandoned him at birth (he was supposed to be an abortion) but has recently established contact, father was violent and abusive (hit him all the time, punishment was sitting at the edge of the bed for hours until he peed on himself, and then he got punished for that, etc), grew up in a drug infested home. He now lives with me and DH and is on probation but has been clean for a year.

Good kid, working full time, going to school, trying to break the cycle of his family history and is getting his life together. He made a lot of mistakes, but the most important thing is that he's trying.

He called me and DH mom and dad out of the blue and we never corrected him--he said we're the best parents he never had and is super grateful he has some semblance of a family now. He'd take a bullet for us--that's how much he thinks of us as his family. We help him and give him advice and even though he still slips sometimes, at least he's trying.

This is why I feel like so many kids don't know how good they have it, whether both parents are in their lives, just one, or if they are truly adopted, at least someone loves them because I would not wish what adopted son went through on anyone.

I think it is WRONG to have them call someone else "dad" multiple boyfriends especially. Our BM had SDs calling her boyfriend Dad 1 month after her and DH seperated, and guess what, he's not in the picture anymore. It's damaging to the kids relationship with their real dad who despite being out of state, kept in contact regularly, made sure they got a package at least once a month with pics and stuff. I wouldn't be comfortable with them calling me mom, my oldest BD had a habit of calling me by my real name when she was little, and I explained to SDs it's because she hears other people call me that she doesn't hear anyone call me mom. Oldest SD offered to call me mom to so that BD would, I told her "oh she'll grow out of it, it doesn't bother me." Out of respect for BM I didn't really want her calling me mom. *shutters*

Our BM is a downhome sucker for this and it makes me so very sad. I feel terrible for SO. They also sometimes call him by is first name which we immediately correct.

My boys have 1 'Dad' and it is my exH. If they were to come to me one day and give me reasons why they want to call SO 'Dad' AFTER we are married, then I would consider but would take very good reasons. I will not encourage it unless they came to me.

I would not allow fSD3 and fSD6 to call me Mom. I just wouldn't. I'm not their Mom.

My opinion about this differs from most of you due to my situation. When I met DH ss6 was 2.5 and SSstb5 was about 1 years old. When I met them, ss6 called me "mama", I immediately told him not to and every time he calls me that I corrected him.
Fast forward to last year when DH and I got engaged, moved in together and started trying for a baby. DH stressed the importance of all the children being treated the same and that he wants the ssons to call me whatever our biokid will call me that way the ssons don't feel like "second class citizens". We got into a major argument over it because I really wanted my biokid to be the first to call me mom. CO says DH has 50 % custody but in reality we have the kids way more often than that because BM wants to have a life. DH pointed it out that I'm the mother in our home and that I do just as much parenting as he does. After thinking about all I've done for those kids over the years, I reconsidered my position and thought "why not, maybe it's not bad if they call me mom". After that conversation, the next time ss6 (4.5 at the time) calls me mom by "accident", I didn't correct him, I acted as if it's not big deal. A month later both boys were calling me mom on regular basis they've been calling me mom ever since. BM was not happy about it, she send DH and email asking that the boys stop calling me mom, DH wrote back saying that won't happen, explaining his reasoning behind it. BM didn't reply and we haven't heard from her about that subject since-that was last summer.

Growing up, I called my step-dad "daddy" and my bio-dad "papi". I can't believe my mother allowed this- even if it were something I started (I wasn't 2 when step-dad came into my life), she should have discouraged it. My mom ended up divorcing my step-dad when I was 12... and guess who's still around- my REAL father.

Skids call me 'Tuff', they were 4, 8, and 10 when we met and living w/ BM and her then-husband- we had them probably a third of the time, but that time increased when her and her husb split. they never call her other ex or her current BF anything other than their first name.

growing up, my brother and i called my SM 'mom' - dad was custodial, visits w/ bio mom became fewer and further between, and SM totally filled the role from day 1 as full time mom. never confused us, we always knew who we were referencing by context. if anyone else got confused, we'd say either "mom 'sm first name'" or "Mom mom" to distinguish.

now my SD was always 'first name'. he's a'ight i guess, but we only saw him on our sporadic visits, so any other reference would have been just plain weird.

ETA- i was 5, bro was 7 when dad and sm got married, mom and her husb didnt get married for another 5 years after that.

My DD15 LOVES my DH but there's no way either of us would ever encourage her to call him dad. She has a dad even if she can't stand him half the time!

As far as stepdevil14 goes - she tried calling me "stepmommy" in the very beginning (we're talking the first few WEEKS of mine and DH's relationship) but I squashed that quickly and told her just to call me "Mel".

I don’t agree with skids calling their step-parents “mom” or “dad” if the bio parents are active in their lives. If they are absent and the step-parent agrees with it then it’s fine, IMHO.

DD was 2 when DH and I started dating, so he’s been around a LOT more than her dads EOWE visitation. Her dad has been regularly told that any time he wants to see her he will not hear any argument from me, but he chooses to stick with the EOWE. There have been many occasions where DD has “accidentally” called DH “dad”, and be corrected her every time. Recently she even asked DH if she could call him “dad”. My heart broke when she asked, because exH and I had agreed that we would never allow her to call any step-parent “mom” or “dad”. Dh just said “honey, I love being your step-dad but I don’t think your dad would be happy with you calling me that”. She was perfectly okay with it.

On the other hand, exH’s wife’s boys call exH “dad”. The youngest one, I don’t understand why, because his dad sees him more than my dd’s dad sees her. The oldest one, I can see completely, because his father and his father’s family is completely absent from his life.

Edited to add: I would completely discourage it if SD ever tried to call me "mom" as well.