I'm grateful for my mom. She was and is a great BM.

1. She never badmouthed my dad or stepmother to me.

2. She always encouraged my relationship with my dad and to try to make one with my stepmother.

3. If I came to her with an issue I was having with either Dad or stepmother, she gave me advice, love and support, but stepped back after that (unless I was being mistreated).

4. She is always nice to my stepmother when she sees her.

5. She worked very hard to make a good life for us after the divorce. She had been a SAHM and it took her awhile to get some job skills but she found a great full-time job eventually. Until then she worked a series of part-time jobs.

6. She used the CS my dad gave her on me.

7. She always told me I didn't have to love or like stepmother but I did have to be respectful and courteous.

8. She didn't tell me what really went down until I was 18.

I'm sure a lot of this was hard on her. Dad had an affair and married my stepmother a week later. So there had to be some unpleasantness involved. But she never involved me in it. She sought counseling from a pastor. She and my dad got me into seeing my school psychologist once a week for many years. The divorce was hard on me, and it confused me as to why my stepmother was now with my dad so soon after the divorce.

Anon2009's blog
Log in or register to post comments

Comments

That's too bad that he didn't

That's too bad that he didn't pay. Teens are expensive and can eat one out of house and home!

My mom did the opposite. I

My mom did the opposite. I knew WAY TOO much for a 12 yr old to know when my parents were getting divorced. While all of it was definitely true about my dad, I feel like I would have come up with those conclusions about him on my own if my mom wouldn't have told me them directly. I am grateful though, because through that I feel I have a good step-parent perspective. I DO NOT talk bad about BM, ever, in the presence of SD and I make sure anyone who is shuts up immediately. SD actually thinks that her mom and I are friends. I always listen to her and act interested, even when I'm not. I make her feel like it's ok to talk about mom and step-dad and baby brother in our home. I remind her all the time how lucky she is to have SO MANY people that love her and want her to succeed. Since my DH and his ex are now both remarried, we all communicate so much more.

Growing up with a parent that so obviously hates the other is harder on kids than most adults realize. My husbands parents are still married, so his is the first divorce he's experienced. I think SD and I get along so well because I get it. It sucks going back and forth. It sucks when you remember that your shoes that go with the your outfit is at the other parent's house. It sucks when you feel like if you tell your mom that you and step-mom did xyz, then you'll hurt mom's feelings. Even though my SD is only 8, she really thinks about others feelings. I have to remind her often that she shouldn't worry about our feelings. If you miss mom, say it. If you want to stay at dad's, say you do! She knows ultimately the grown-ups will make a decision, but having feelings isn't wrong. My DH is really bad about unintentionally making her feel bad. She'll say, "I thought I was with mom tomorrow?" And he'll say, "What, you don't want to hang out with us tomorrow? You don't want to be here?" I have to remind him that she probably misses her mom and just wants to see her. It's hard to understand a COD if you've never been one. But I am definitely glad I am because I know it gives me a great handle on the step-parent thing.

I am proud of you too! You've

I am proud of you too! You've done an awesome job building a great life.

I am right with you. My

I am right with you. My parents were together and about too the 8 year mark they should have divorced!!!

It got nasty after I turn 10yrs old. The mental abuse begin. My dad always called my mother FAT.
FAT was the reason why he would not take us out like a family to restaurant. He did not want to feed the cause.
FAT was the reason why we never got family pictures taken.
FAT was the reason for arguments that made a 4hr trip to grandma/grandpa house so miserable I swear as a child I past out in the back seat of the car every time we went. I loved going to grandma/grandpa house because they had over 300 acres to explore on but the trip there and back was miserable. I have started to rebuke the trip as a kid.

My dad was a trucker who stayed gone on the roads most of the time. Probably the only time I had peace with my mom and talk , do things together, play games while he was gone.

Biggest part of the time he had whores. A few he messed with in town that were teachers who made my life miserable. It took me until I was in high school to figure out why I had such problems out of two teachers in my life time. One even walked up to me and verbally told me and wanted to let me know. "She did not like me" I mean who the hell would tell a 12 year old kid that?

I can remember my dad hitting my mom twice. I mean he punched her in the face. WoW! nice experience for a 8 year old daughter to see.

My dad was always staring up trouble between my mom and her sister. He did not like her at all visiting a half a day with her.
I hated visits to my aunts house it never end well when we got home.

my mom died 12 years ago from cancer the day she died and I was so torn about her death my dad had the guts to tell me "I need to get over it and accept the fact she is gone too just dry those tears up because she is not here any more."

My dad was not there to take care of my mom at the end of her days. I was. I had to make all those painful decisions on my own. He showed up making a fool out of himself with a Will he wanted her to sign while she lay on her death bed barely breathing!! It made me sick to my stomach. All of my moms family was there at the time. The nurse did not accept the notary part of it when the notary called and asked if the patent was coherent.

YEP! MY PARENTS SHOULD HAVE BEEN DIVORCED!!!!!!!!

I can say all of the above

I can say all of the above about my mom as well and I just love her to pieces for not being one of those horrible BMs we all know and hate. My mom and dad divorced when I was around 3. when I was about 5, my dad moved to the other side of the country, eventually remarried and I saw him a total of 2 times over the next 13 years. My mother never said boo about my dad and NEVER felt compelled to explain to me WHY they were divorced until I actually came right out and asked her when I was in my mid twenties. I also found out from my Aunt in my mid twenties that my mother about went off the deep end with depression after my dad's cheating and the divorce and actually spent some time in the BSU but again, mom NEVER badmouthed him, never directed to me ask him for money or things, she never asked him for extra money or things, none of that nonsense.

Trust me I am far from perfect and I can totally see how women (and men) get caught up in the ugliness, hurtfulness, bitterness of divorce. But I am sooooo grateful for having a mother that set such a good example for me and put her bitterness and frustration aside so that I didn't have to get dragged into adult drama.

YEAH! I like to hear good BM

YEAH! I like to hear good BM stories

My mom and dad were the same way with my SPs. I do remember a few little issues here and there at the beginning but other than that all good memories.

My mom has set a good example if my bio ever has a SM.

My SM also showed me how to be as a SM.