Dads SHOULD discipline their kids and teach them to treat SMs with respect.
I was reading through a lot of blogs here today and reflecting on my own step experiences. And I really think these Disney Dads are abusing their kids by letting them run the show. PAS is abuse and so is free range parenting.
If Dads set limits and demand that their kids of any age treat SM with civility and respect, BMs may very well up their PAS and PAS these kids out. But these kids will know that if they ever decide to resurface in Dad's life, respectful behavior towards both Dad AND SM is mandatory.
These Disney Dads also need to realize that nobody is asking them to stop loving or spending quality time with their kids of any age. We are simply asking that they PARENT their kids, and make them treat us with respect. These kids may very well hate our guts. But people have learned to treat others they don't like with respect in the past and have survived that and came out better for it on the other end. These guys' failures to parent their kids makes me question whether they truly love their kids. Parents who truly love their kids would teach them to treat others with respect and teach them healthy ways of venting their anger, wouldn't you agree?
It is hard for me to have any sympathy for Dads who never set limits for their kids and then complain about their kids' behavior once they're adults. How could they not see what the results would be?
I didn't like my stepmother. I now care for her as a human being and wouldn't want harm to befall her, but I still don't "like" her. I'm indifferent. I initially didn't like my SF either. But my parents loved me enough to want me to become the best person I could be, and saw that having me treat my stepparents with respect even though I didn't like them would make me come out a better, stronger person on the other side. My parents have always been there for me in my good moments and bad. I could always go to them with any problem. But they would not let me be rude to anyone. That would only worsen the problem. Instead, they would listen to me and encourage me to talk with the person I was having issues with.
I turned out wonderfully and in one piece because my parents loved me so much that they gave me limits. The real world is full of them. The best way these Disney Dads could work to ensure that their kids will have happy lives in the long run is to impose limits on their behavior and demand they treat others (SM included) with respect.
- Anon2009's blog
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Comments
Somehow I always had this
Somehow I always had this idea that the man was the leader of the family. Once upon a time, didn't mother's threaten their children with I'll tell your father when he comes home? And children would comply from fear of Father wrath? (Not condoning this method of parenting, just using it to illustrate that it seems at one time in recent history men could actually manage their children and get them to obey.)
Now it just seems like the women catch hell. Dad and SM blame the kids poor behavior on BM. BM and the rest of the world blames evil SM. No one blames Dad, no no no, Dad is the source of Money and he is just at the mercy of whichever woman is in the opposite position from you. Everything is HER fault.
In the meantime, the kids are skipping with joy at their ability to do whatever they want and treat people as poorly as they want, and no one ever calls them on it or holds them accountable for their behavior and choices. Daddy doesn't want to upset his darlings during the few hours he has them, so he won't tell them no. If his wife or GF wants the child held accountable to normal human child behavior, then she just Hates His Kids.
Totally agreeing that fathers should teach their children to treat others (all others, SM & BM and the rest of the planet) with respect.
I have to disagree. I think
I have to disagree. I think it's good parenting. Being afraid of how my parents would react to my acting out when I was growing up was enough to make me behave.
It was really both my
It was really both my parents, but even more so with my dad.
Mom used to give us the wait
Mom used to give us the wait til your Dad gets home line. That's after she whooped our butts first.
I agree, it shouldn't be one or the other, but both parents.
This is such a lose-lose situation for steps though. The Disney parent will never discipline their kids. And if we do, then the proverbial s**t hits the fan.
How dare you yell at my precious princess?? You big ol' meanie Step-mother!
The skids fear me.. in the
The skids fear me..
in the beginning they didn't respect me, listen to me and did whatever they wanted. They would jump all over my brand new couches that I bought and paid for, they would go thru my drawers and pull out my clothes and throw them all over the place, shut the tv off on me because "Im daddys kid, I can do anything I want and mommy says I don't have to listen to you". Then SD3 at the time, would hit me. She'd hit SO and he'd just sit there and take it. I had it, this was NOT happening, not to me, not to him and not to my furniture.
I lost it on the skids. I yelled, I told them they are in MY home, not just daddys but mine AND daddys and they will respect the rules when they are over. They will not hit us, they will not touch our stuff and they do not control the tv!
The look on their faces was priceless. Of course they tested their boundaries..when SD3 smacked me so hard it actually hurt, I smacked her back..that was not happening. I told SO he's going to discipline them and back me up, none of this disneyland shit, or Im gone.
Immediately, he changed and started disciplining them. Sad to say, when they misbehave though, and he threatens them with me, they smarten up. Whatever works!!
So its been that way ever since..now they when they come over, they listen, they stay out of the adult bedroom, don't touch our stuff, and respect us. They know better now. Kids need discipline. And when he had them for a month, his teacher told him theres a huge difference in the skids behaviour, they did a lot better in school as well. But when they are with BM and have run of the place and don't listen to her, nor respect her, then they weren't doing as well in school either. Funny how that works.
i think that women are
i think that women are getting smarter, i think that we can see the woods for the forest and that the internet helps. being able to find a site like this makes you think your not alone but it also highlights the dysfunction of the Dads.
i think most of us know that these children are a mixture of cause and effect from BM's dysfunction as well as the Dads.
i continue to tell DH, i will remain disengaged until such time as you enforce respect for me and my children as well as for my home with his daughter.
his last response was, "well I do for your kids"
to which I told him "i also will not allow my children to speak or treat you the way you allow me to be treated. they show you more respect then your own kids"
what I want is how you were raised, I dont need love, I dont need like, but respect would go a long way to changing the ton in my house and really its not that much to ask for.
these kids are being done an injustice, they are going to have plenty of bosses and co workers someday that they cant stand, so is Daddy going to fix that too?