I swear, every visitation day, I wake up feeling anxious with a dull sense of doom that feels like a full blown panic attack by the time the kids get here in the evening. Today is that day again.

This will be our first night with them since the last visit when they were awake all night (on a school night) with FDH floating around the house or sleeping obliviously. We've had a few very serious discussions since then where I told him that BM was letting her house fall into chaos and I was not going to let that poison into my life anymore. I told him that if he wanted to live a chaotic life with no bedtimes and the inmates running the asylum that he would have to do so without me. It seemed like he finally got it.

Today, he tells me that he has to leave work early to pick up one of the kids from practice. I was furious that he's leaving his job early while recently fired (again) BM is doing nothing. His visitiation doesn't start until a later time. Why is he letting her get away with this? Why does he cater to her like that? So that started my already anxious day.

I then check my FB to discover a status update in my newsfeed from the SD11 at 230 AM. Seriously? And she's friends with BM, FDH and me on Facebook. She's throwing it in our faces that she's on the computer and no one is doing anything about it. So, great. She's going to get here tonight and be wide freaking awake all night because her worthless mother let her stay up on the computer again all night.

I have no idea how FDH is going to be tonight. But I am really hoping he will stick to the rules and actually enforce computer and bed times. I honestly don't know what I am going to do if he blows this off again. I may just lose it completely.

The good news is that we have plans friday night and I will be away at a friend's house Sat afternoon through late afternoon Sunday. So I will get to pretty much miss the weekend visitation shenanigans. But today, I am miserable with anxiety and depression over this whole crazy scene.