I understand that you've been with your husband for quite some time, What I don't understand is that why would your husband not want to include you in his family with the kids. You are his wife, his partner. He should of made darn sure that his kids respected you, other wise they shouldn't be allowed there. You live there that is your house, you shouldn't have to be confined anywhere. If he wants to exclude you then tell him he can go somewhere else with his kids when its his weekend, you should not have to accommodate them!
Tell him its becos of him the kids do not respect you, and he could of made them see that you are his WIFE their STEPMOM, in the beginning.
Ask him if he knows what a family is and why he wants to split you and his kids...
This man obviously doesn't care about your feeling and doesn't respect you enuf to see that you are hurting, why would a husband want to exclude his wife from his family?
I don't understand this...
If I was you knowing that I don not have kids with this man, I would leave. I would not put myself though this bullshit, he doesn't even see anything wrong in what he's been doing. How can you let this man disrespect you in front of his kids, girl be strong, and do what you know is best for you.
Talk to him, and be firm with him, tell him how you've been feeling for many years and how you will not deal with it again, if he doesn't listen to you then tell him you want out, see what he does then.
He has to know you are serious.
Best of luck...if you need someone to talk to I'm here!
I hope I helped alil...

Sweetie, are you out of your mind? I ask that w/ the utmost respect. Don't you think you deserve more than to be treated like a slave in your own house? Where's your self esteem? You sound like a intelligent woman honey. Don't let them run you down. You DESERVE better that. Your WORTH more than that.
IF IT WAS EASY, EVERYONE WOULD DO IT.

usually I try in all most possible forms I can to find something positive, but I'm sad to say... run, run fast, run hard, run like a bat out of hell and never look back. I think it's way past the prime for resolving anything in this situation, honestly. Seriously, it didn't get this way over night.

My suggestion is that you seriously need to have some couple's counseling, but I'm afraid that you will harbor too much resentment since this has been going on for so long. But it's worth a shot, in my opinion.

The other thing is if you contribute to 1/2 the bills but only are allowed x amount of time... then maybe it's time to separate your finances and only contribute to the actual amount of time you do get. Prorate everything!

Then my final suggestion is take the remaining monies and GO DO SOMETHING FUN for yourself while the kids are there, and ignore the shit out of them. By leaving the room, they win the power struggle. Second, I think it's time to sit down with DH and together it's time to reevaluate your relationship- but that might be easier said than done, judging from your situation.

If this was me, I'd be putting my foot down, stashing money away in my desk drawer at work or any other place I could OUTSIDE of the home, even getting my own separate private independent savings account at another bank, etc, and plan my way out. Got any friends you can spend sometime with? Or move in with for a short spell? That was the best thing I did when I left my ex.

StepMom

Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...

BTDT...not quite to the extreme extent of your sitch, but my stbxh basically treated me like nothing more than an atm machine to help with bills, a legal assistant to take care of all aspects of his litigation issues concerning SS, and trinket to have on his arm on the rare occasion that we went anywhere nice. I don't believe that he ever loved me for anything other than what I look like and what I could give to him. It's a sad fact. I too felt like a prisoner when SS was around. He too would walk into the house and not greet me. He'd leave a mess and stbx wouldn't make him clean it or even clean it himself--I'd do it all. I did the laundry, cleaning of all the rooms, bill paying, legal documentation, dishes, most of the food shopping, etc. We'd sit down for dinner and he and ss would get up when they were done, leaving me and DD to eat alone despite my asking him not to. He would sit and cuddle up with SS and deny me any affection. He would tell me to sleep on the couch if SS decided to crawl into our bed with him before I got there. It was horrible. I felt like a prisoner and it affected every aspect of my life. I became depressed and lonely...I had moved away from my home and family to be with him and his son and I was living like I had been sentenced to a prisonterm.

I recently made the decision to leave. For a while I entertained the notion of moving back to my hometown, but have since decided to stay in PA. This is our home now and my DD has roots here. My name is on the lease to our townhouse and HE will be leaving soon. I don't care anymore what kind of inconvenience this is for him. I am done livingmy life for a man who has never shown me an ounce of understanding or selfless love. I admit that I have been nasty at times, and that I've let my temper get the better of me, and maybe that pushed him further away. But the bottom line is that no matter how I reacted, i did not ask to be treated like shit in the first place.

Love is beautiful and rewarding, but it is also about sacrifice and hard work. And that goes for BOTH partners, not just one. If you find that you are willing to sacrifice and ARE living your life to help another and that person is NOT willing to do the same for you...well, that's a big red flag. I always say and still maintain that if stbx ever just acknowledged all I have done, and treated me with even a modicum of respect and love, I would be willing to deal with the shitstorm BB has SS have caused in our lives. But...it is not so. Therapy, for us, is not an option because there are SO many problems here and having been to therapy before for my own issues, it will take years for things to improve with the amount of problems we have and frankly, I am not willing to suffer for that much longer. Not when there are things that stbx CAN DO right now without a counselor stepping in but refuses to. Also...I do resent him for what he has put me through and short of having a lobotomy, I don't think any amount of therapy will make me forget.

I am not trying to make this about mememememe. I just know that when I was unsure of what to do, it really helped me to hear other's stories and see that there are ways to get out. I am not a wealthy person and it is taking a lot of planning to know that I will be able to have a quality life with DD on my own. To be frank, it's a pain in the ass having to deal with the little things...money, car insurance, car titles, figuring out who owns what, etc. But...I do believe that very few truly satisfying results come without hard work and committment. If you want to go...you make it happen.

If you want to talk more, please feel free to send me a PM. I wish you luck and I want you to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel...if I can see it, I know you can too.

Hugs,
Krissy

Get the heck outta there girl and FAST!!!! Are you kidding me????? No kid, mine or someone else's, is going to run my life and not in my house that I pay the mortgage for! U don't deserve this at all!!!

Normally, I'm one to say ... stick it out ... hang in there ... talk to DH ... but I have to agree with Cruella ... I'd be outa there in a heart beat.

I have had some issues with DH treating me like crap when we have SS, but I won't stand for it ... and as soon as SS is in bed ... we talk about his behavior, but we communicate very well. If your DH was my DH ... I'd be outa there, or if you aren't ready to give up ... tell him exactly how you feel and suggest that you go to counseling, but he needs help!

~ Katrina

~ Katrina

sounds like my situation. my wife has 2 kids, 12 and 13. the 13 year old lives with us and is a no good spoiled brat who never says hi to me. we have been going through this for 5 years out of the 8 years we have all been together...married for almost 2 years now. i can't deal with this much longer. i'm tired of paying the mortgage to have a spoied brat do nothing but stay in her room all day with the door shut, ignoring me, and doing what she wants when she wants how she wants. my wife doesn't punish them and when i try to she puts me in my place and then it starts between us. we're in the process of having our dreamhouse built...almost done, and i'm thinking of just packing up and bailing. i don't care anymore. i'm thinking of looking for an apartment or townhome. i'm beyond tired. friends have said i should be glad the brat isn't talking to me, but i can't deal with paying all bills for this brat. good luck to you.