Well this is my first blog. I hear its a great stress reliever, or at least a temporary one. I joined because I was googling information on step-parenting to help me cope with our current sitation and found this site. I met my boyfriend about a year and a half ago. He makes me so happy and our personal relatoinship when it comes to anything but the kids is great. Of course we have our differences, but they're enjoyable differences. He has a 4 year old little girl and a 10 year old son. I hate the way I feel about them. I feel like the world's worst person. I guess I'm not really their step mother yet, but I love them to, and want to be. When I met my boyfriend he had been left by his ex-wife a few months prior. This would be SD's BM. SS lives in Florida with his mother. That is a situationon it's own, but since I really don't get to bond with SS as much, and he drives me absolutely insane, and I am human so there's only so much I can handle being upset about at once, plus he isn't treated like total crap by his mother, I'm not affected nearly as much. I tried very hard to be nice to SD's BM when we first met, but she was hardly friendly when we met, understandably so, but time has moved on since, but anyway, I don't like the woman. At all. My first impression of her was my boyfriends cousin telling me the story of her calling him and telling him if he didn't come and get SD and her older sister she would leave them on the side of the road. Lovely. Time passes and she eventually wanted to come back to him, but he refused her. Keep in mind that I did say from the start that if he felt he should be with her I would understand. This is not the feeling now, but in the beginning I would've bowed out. In a year and a half, she has moved 6 times. Her older daughter, whom I'm not a fan of, but don't despise, has moved schools several times due to this and I can't help feeling bad for her. She has an attitude like her mothers, which is probably why she irritates me. We have her over with SD occassionally as well. She and my boyfriend still have some what of a relationship. Over time SD began having outrageous temper tantrums (hitting,kicking, screaming, throwing things, begging for sympathy, just wanting to cry and scream and run off). They were awful. Her mother couldn't handle her anymore. A.K.A. wanted to have time with her new boyfriends and SD got in the way. She came to live with us, magically just up until she started preschool. The whole time her mother always had issues with her, she was sent home early from her weekends, etc. Yet when she started school, she wanted to look like a good little mommy and enroll her and the whole bit. Funny how she only has time for her or pays her any attention when she wants attention or somebody from the outside is looking. And then history repeats itself. Finally I step in at our home and say enough is enough with the tantrums when she doesn't get our way. I took over "discipline" and when she acted up she was put in her room. Once her Daddy started this the tantrums came to an almost complete stop, she is 4 so every once in a while is to be expected. This isn't the case with her mothers house. She wants to take her to a therapist to get her put on meds. A.K.A. she wants her veggitated so she can have her yet not pay her any mind. Her Daddy took her and was told that was the direction they were taking and he told the therapist he didn't want her on the medication, told her of our successes with her, and that we didn't have that trouble. At first, she was saying that it's normal for the father not to have problems, until her told her that I keep her often (shopping, outtings, when he has to work) and that I never have probelms. Which I never have, because I don't give in, I give time out when I say I will, and SD knows not to pull any of her self pity, whining, etc with me because it doesn't work. The therapist started having them both bring her and discuss more and more. The therapist told us all ( I went occassionally) that she needed more discipline and structure at our homes. This didn't improve no matter what. She even had us get a book called 1-2-3 Magic, which is incredible and has helped with SD's whining majorly in our home. I would highly recommend it. Her mother watched the movie and doesn't even do it right. I wont get into the whole concept right now. So the therapist recommended that SD come live with us again. Which it's been this way since May, so about 6 months. My boyfriend works nights Tuesday through Thursday night. So therefore I keep SD at night. I've become increasingly resentful toward SD and this whole situation. I'm basically a glorified baby sitter. SD's mom has financial incapabilites, as in she has money spending problems, just quit her job the other day, didn't have another one, and moved in with her current boyfriend who has told her that her kids can't be there. Lovely. Who does that? I know living alone with kids has got to be hard. And I definetly know that hating your job is hard, but quitting without a back up... geez. Basically she gets to spend 12 of 14 days doing whatever she wants and I'm taking care of her child. I have never wanted to take her place and don't try to, but to an extent I have. I want SDto be with her mother or at least have a relationship with her. The only time BM wants anything to do with her is when she needs to go to the doctor, etc. So she "looks good." SD starts kindergarden next fall and I can guarantee she'll be all involved in that, which she should be, but it won't stay that way. I guess the hardest thing is that I love my SD, I see her go through this, I go through this because I've given up a lot for her, she's not my child, yet I take care of her and do things for her, and SD will never give that credit to me, it'll go to her mom that doesn't do anything for her, and my boyfriend won't do anything about it. He complains about money, etc, yet he still pays her child support for their initial custody agreement, yet SD lives with us. Red Flag Please! He see's it as if he tries to take custody or stand up to her she'll take her back, mess her up in the head, say I can't live here, which I doubt considering her living sitation, but regardless, she'll try to take more from their divorce, which doesn't seem to be anything but debt to me, and take him for more child support, which techinically she could, but if he would go forth and take custody like he could (she lives with us, her mom has sent him several texts threatening her, and threatening suicide). Ugh. So that's where I'm at. Many would say I should leave, and I wonder that, but I love all 3 of them so much. I don't want to leave. I want this situation to get better, no matter what the outcome is, and all of us to have a happy life. But this is affecting my health (stress, depression, migraines), my job (health hindering me), and going to school again. I need to sit him down and talk with him, but it's so hard because he's so sensitive about it. I'm sorry about the misspelling, bad grammar, and run on sentences I'm sure are in there. I needed to get it all out.