No way in hell.

No way. I wouldn't expect or want to be in my Exes and over my dead body will BM be on fDHs.

I think it depends. When a neighbour of my parents passed away her ex husband put his own notice in the paper .... her name .. a wonderful mother to our children... his name.

Whatever happens they shared children. If he loves his kids he has to realise that the kids would not exist if it wasn't for the ex. I make it clear to my skids that if it wasn't for their mother they wouldn't be here and for that, their father is grateful.

And when my DH passes away I will not include her name but she is welcome to attend the service and submit her own notice for the newspaper. With any luck it will be a LOOONNNGGG time before this happens.

What the what?? Ummmmmmm........I divorced the jackass.....I don't need everyone knowing in print that we were married at one point.

Hide the evidence. Hide the evidence.

From my experience, I was not included in the obit of my ex-husband. However I have seen it done--maybe more of a modern thing?

I would want to punch BM in the throat if she tried that crap! It wouldn't be genuine from her, it would be attention seeking, an opportunity to step up her "victim" antics, turn the grief and tears up full blast and have the world feel sorry FOR HER! Oooh yeah, that would make me so furious!

Nope. I think it's inappropriate for an ex to be listed in the obit along with the current wife.

The obits I saw that mentioned the ex wife were ones that looked like the dude hadn't moved on.

Mr. Guilty Daddy works with a guy like that. He's not the cutest thing in shoe leather, has two FUGLY kids, his ex-wife has had a boyfriend like for YEARS but this biodad still JUMPS when she says "how high." Fixes her house, etc, etc. Meanwhile, his ex-wife must just sit back and laugh at what a big sucker he is. Heaven help the woman who dates this guy--his ex wife and kids come FIRST!

His kids are teens now; the oldest princess is in college (and failing too).

I don't think it should be expected however I've seen it, both in ex's and of course situations where a spouse preceded them in death. Those that were ex's appeared to be written the way they were at the request of families that were close/amicable. I wasn't mentioned in my exFIL's I didn't expect to be. Heck I think I'm still taking his passing hard because I didn't get to say good-bye nor did my kids.

my mom is "the" wife in my dad's familys eyes. He had 2 more short marriages after her, and my mom has been re married forever. But they still almost treat her like.... the widow? IDK it's a little weird. Yet still- she wasn't listed in the obit. My mom and her husband even put my grandmother up and brought her to my wedding! My dad really does have a great family, unfortunately he was the black sheep.

I am on good terms with my ex-husband, but even still, I don't think I should be mentioned in his obit, nor he in mine. We are divorced. It would be weird!!

Not only will BM (DH & her were never married, though) NOT be mentioned in DH's obituary, I have been given specific instructions to not allow her at the funeral.

If my ExH died, I would not be included in his obit, not even sure if our son would be, BS hasn't seen or talked to his BD in 11 years.

When my mother passed away my brother tried to have the obit printed with my maiden name and my son's name looked out of place as he had no one's shared name. My legal name is still my ExH's last name, our son has the same last name as both of us. I use this name professionally, not personally.

I think that with divorce being so common these days, 2nd and 3rd marriages, possible children with each subsequent marriage, it may be a standard in how to relate each child to the parent that passes.

FDH's parents made sure to list his two exwives that he hated and left me out of his OBIT. Way to show your asses, FMIL and FFIL. They did it to hurt me and it did. But they also disrespected their son and all of his friends knew it and thought it.

I don't think it's right, I wouldn't want to be there!!

My ex MIL passed away earlier this year, and I was VERY surprised to read my name in the family obits. ex made a copy and sent it back with the girls, also of the service thingummy (sorry - terms are escaping me - all I can think is program and that is wrong!!) and a DVD of the service with the photo's etc.

I was listed oh now how was it worded. It listed all 4 sons, there wives/ex wives and all the grandkids - including my 2 eldest from my first marriage.

Now, my ex is engaged to someone else, so it just looked weird and I wouldn't have expected to be there, but my MIL did live with us for 6 years before we split up, so it was nice to be remembered.

But I wouldn't expect or want to be on the exes, or have him on mine - and BM? Not a chance in hell will she be anywhere near any of it if I have any say.

My husband was divorced about 10 years before his ex died. The darling daughter, spawn of Satan, decided that she wanted daddy at the funeral. Now all my husbands children were adults at the time of separation, and to the best of my knowledge he never spoke one word to the ex from the day he walked out the house. There was naturally communication in regards to settlement and divorce, but again, he never said one word to her, it was all handled through their solicitors.

Getting back on track, spawn of Satan wants daddy at the funeral. After all daddy, we have no one now, you are all we have. The funeral service had a slide show. Wedding photos of mummy and daddy's wedding, talk of the loving family and the 30 years they were married blah, blah, blah. I know this because dh told me. I was told not to come to the funeral by his lovely daughter. Any wonder. She had already set her plan in motion. Mummy was no longer there to sponge off and to do things for her, I'm going to get my daddy back and all to myself.

Last I heard she still had wedding photos HUGE wedding photos of mummy and daddy's wedding hanging on the walls of her house. Idiot.

Exes are exes. If the children are young then of course the other parent NEEDS to be there for them. But if there are no children or the children are grown up, no, exes are exes.

It depends on the relationship between your SO and the XWBM at the time of the demise of your spouse. If they were mutually respectful of each other and cooperative in raising their kids then I would think there should be no issue in their presence at a funeral or being mentioned in an obit. Something along the lines of - XXXX is survived by his dear wife XYZLMNOP their children A, B, C, D.... and children JKL who he shared with their mother QQQQQ ......"

In my case ..... When I kick, I will have no mention of my adulterous whore of an XW made in my obit and she will be shot if she shows up at my wake party/funeral. There are plenty of people that would bury her under my casket with her lips as close to my ass as possible if she were to try to attend my funeral. Most of them former mutual friends of my XW and I who now have nothing but feelings of contempt for her. We had no spawn so there would be no reason for her to have anything to do with my end of life celebration.

I would not want to be mentioned in her obit and there is not a snowballs chance in hell that I would even consider going to her funeral except to piss on her grave. If they are alive when she blesses this planet by dying, out of respect to my XILs I would wait until after the funeral to piss on her grave. If my XILs are gone, all bets are off and I would lift a leg on her gravestone right in the middle of grave side ceremonies.

That said, I will attend my XILs funerals. I was very close to my XWs' parents and they were very kind and good to me. It is their daughter I have issue with.

Heck no. My ex and I had no children and when he goes I would expect only wife #3 is mentioned. DH has said he doesn't want BM at his funeral so I am pretty sure I don't need to put her in the obit when he dies if we are still married. People need to move on. If we are divorced when he dies I sure don't want to be included and I am the mother of one of his children.