You know that scene in like, every werewolf movie ever made where the main character fights with everything they have to keep from turning into said werewolf?

That's me. I am the werewolf and my stepson is my full moon.  

I am trying so so hard not to become the mean step mom.  His behavior is literally violent and hateful. And when it isn't, he is creepily cheery and nice. Like when he smiles in that mood, I imagine it to be the same smile some poor stray cat would see before he kills it. 

I am painfully aware that I am human garbage for feeling this way. I'm a mom myself. I would feel horrible if The Husband felt the same way about my kid as I do his.  But his behavior has been so alarming that I have actually refused to bring any more children into this house because I'm not 100% sure he wouldn't hurt the baby.  

I'm also not 100% sure he isn't the reincarnation of Bundy or Dhamer.  The kid is 9...and he either scares me or makes me incredible rage filled. 

Again, I'm aware that I'm a dirtbag for feeling that way about a child.  But I literally cannot shake it. 

I plan to seek therapy for it soon. Like very soon. In the meantime....I will remain drunk on the weekends we have him.