Am I allowed to argue since they are not my kids?
Hello, I am new to this site!!
I just wanted to know if I am allowed to argue that I think my boyfriends kids are not getting the right foods, drinks, bedtimes, and punishment?? We live together, and plan to get married, and I truly think there needs to be some kind of order. No one, including grandparents seem to help when I try to make a rule or suggestion about this stuff.
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Thanks. i will check those
Thanks. i will check those books out.
He is pretty supportive and I think he can learn and grow.
I think I'm just getting frustrated that no one has done any of these things in the past, and annoyed that I have to do it all.
Do i HAVE to? NO. but...it's hard to watch and not do something!
Doesn't it just seem crazy
Doesn't it just seem crazy (and not right) that there are women who have to teach a dad how to actually parent?
How far are you into the
How far are you into the relationship? Not to be a hawker of my wares but I wrote a downloadable book on how you can tell early on if you're headed for trouble with a guilty daddy and PASinator BM.
8 months. Doesnt sound like
8 months. Doesnt sound like too long, but we really did know right away that we wanted to be together forever.
I mean, he is a great dad. The BM is barely in their life.
He says he will back me up, but no one seems to be putting their foot down.
I think they are all expecting me to do it all eventually.
Hi, I'm new to this site
Hi, I'm new to this site also. I have the same concern. My future SS10 eats almost nothing other than processed chicken and some occasional fruit. I've been living in the same house with him for over two years and have never seen him eat a veggie or non-processed dairy or meat. I have for the most part disengaged in the eating are. He's gonna be one unhealthy person some day.
I'm on the mission of
I'm on the mission of vegetable puree's to "hide" veggies in foods.
But at the same time, its like..why am I the one doing all of this?
I want to just quit and say FINE, feed your damn kids whatever they want then.
But its hard, i get too pissed off watching the piles of candy and crap going down their throats. I cant take it.
I think they should just eat or starve. PERIOD.
BUT, in the meantime, i'll try the puree's and let you know how it goes.
So does your SO just allow his eating habits? did he not support your food concerns?
Well said ripley. I agree
Well said ripley. I agree with you. I have not read the book Stepmonster but I'm going to buy it. It must be really good because alot of people refer to it.
ripley pretty much said it
ripley pretty much said it all!
I will add that in my mind there are two different parenting issues that affect us steps: the first and most significant are those that DIRECTLY affect us, such as the skids disrespecting us, talking back to us, messing up the home/shared space, etc. Then there are those that don't directly affect us but we certainly may have an opinion on; or may indirectly affect us: like what the kids eat, how much TV they can watch, *how* they are disciplined, if they have chores, etc.
The first I feel that you must take a stand on, always. There are different ways to do this of course, but since they directly affect you they must be dealt with or you are in for a rotten life.
The second may be more what you're talking about - as ripley suggests it can be difficult to approach this as it may be a sensitive issue. I have found that my SO is very receptive to my ideas on this but only really as a response to a problem. Eg, the doctor says the skids are overweight so he listens to my ideas on what they should/shouldn't eat. Or, the grades are slipping so he listens to my ideas on limiting distractions like television. A very "don't fix what ain't broke" approach, which is fine. It can be frustrating, because HELLO you could have seen this coming, but I have learned to pick my battles and adopt an "it ain't my kid" attitude on anything that he doesn't feel is a problem.
GOOD LUCK and we're here for you!
You've gotten some great
You've gotten some great advice.
I'll just add my two cents.
One of three things will happen if you decide to argue or put in your opinion about how the skids should be raised
1. Your SO will be open to sharing parenting with you and listen to what you have to say without any negativity, defensiveness, or blame. He will also work with you and implement these parenting strategies
2. Your SO will get defensive and eventually just say you are picking on them or criticizing him. Thus making you feel like you are crazy.
3. You will get the typical guilty dad response "I only have them for xx amount of time, I don't want it to be negative while they are here. I want them to feel welcome". Another good one "they aren't used to this, we've never done these things. Its not hurting them. Its ok, you are overreacting"
If I could do it all again -- besides not getting involved with a mad with kids-- I would have stayed uninvolved. Mine is a guilty disney dad. Anything I said was because I didn't like his kids or I was just being picky and making a big deal of nothing. I'm strange, I think bedtimes and watching what your children eat is important. Others just want to make the kids happy.
You can't really help what the grandparents do. That's a harder battle.
Good luck!