Ever have a frenemy?
DH introduced me to an acquaintance of his and a few months later I met his girlfriend.
She seemed extremely nice at first. Almost over the top friendly. We made plans and met for lunch, she was very open, we talked a lot about our relationships, life, work, etc. It seemed like we really hit it off... so I thought. She used to post publicly about how DH and I were her "favorite couple."
I started to realize her relationship with the boyfriend wasn't happy as we got to know each other more. I was going through a lot with DH as well, although our issues were a lot different. Her boyfriend would often disappear for a weekend and leave her home. She had no contact with his family. There was some issues with her race (she is black, boyfriend is white), I guess his family was less than accepting and she denied that it bothered her but I suspected it did, very much so. Her boyfriend is also the definition of a womanizer - according to her.
When DH and I pulled through the worst of it, she started making backhanded comments (mostly on social media) about weak, pathetic women settling for mediocre lives and how she is a strong woman who needs no one. She would go on these tirades about how productive and positive she felt now that she was done with "certain people." I had a feeling these low blows were, at times, directed toward me, but gave her the benefit of the doubt. Also, after all of her "independent woman" ranting, she never left HER shitty relationship.
One night the 4 of us (her, boyfriend, me, DH) went out to dinner. Her boyfriend was talking about needing a vacation and I said I needed one too... she turned to her boyfriend and said "You should take AJ with you." There was an uncomfortable silence. She was moody and rude the rest of the dinner. DH suspected they were arguing before we even got to the restaurant. It was completely random that she would even say something like that. My relationship with her boyfriend is and always was completely platonic. He is DH's acquaintance... I hardly ever see the guy.
After that night I asked her why she seemed so short with me lately. She fired back with some rant about "sorry I feel that way" but that she is just "blunt" and some people can't handle her.
I noticed soon after she deleted me from instagram but kept my husband.
I guess this woman was the definition of a frenemy. I honest to God have no idea why she suddenly started hating me. I know it was probably tedious befriending me at such a low point (It was around the time I joined Steptalk, DH was battling BM for more visitation in family court, etc) but she had issues, too. With my real friends, I love them no matter what they choose to do. I am not there to judge them every step of the way.
Anyone dealt with a frenemy? Or have any insight about it?
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She was from out of state,
She was from out of state, but come to think of it... I really did not know her to have many friend, and she had cut off her entire family.
That is BM here. She has no
That is BM here. She has no female friends other than her daughter SD.
DH has said that she would always complain that she couldn't be friends with women because they were jealous of her.
She'd be best friends with someone and DH would be relived because she'd stop harping on him during that time. Then a few months later, they suddenly weren't friends anymore. No real explanation, just she's jealous of me and I can be friends with someone like that.
She is 30. It bothered me a
She is 30. It bothered me a lot at first but I am coming to terms with the fact that I will never quite understand what happened.
Perhaps it is my undeniable
Perhaps it is my undeniable sex appeal
}:)
However...
I am always dressed modestly. I don't have much in the "curves" department. Petite and narrow.
This woman, on the other hand, once posted a photo on social media of her huge breasts squished together in a tiny bikini top and captioned it "I am ready to get wet." :sick:
AJanie, you little sexpot,
AJanie, you little sexpot, were you wearing those jeans that fit just right?
I must have been! LOL with my
I must have been! LOL with my 2.5 inch wedges..... MEOW
You little vixen!!
You little vixen!! }:)
Sounds like she was happy to
Sounds like she was happy to be friends with you while you were going through a difficult time with your DH. However, once you and DH pulled through, you and she were no longer in the same boat and she no longer had a "sh!tty relationship" comrade.
Exactly.
Exactly.
It probably should have been
It probably should have been a red flag how strong she came on. Right after I met her she was posting a lot of very public things about our friendship. This was before I deleted Facebook. It struck me as odd.
I think she did use me. The
I think she did use me. The boyfriend came by our place on night to see if we wanted to go grab a drink with him - he had left her at home because they were arguing and "she didn't feel like going out." Not thinking much of it, DH and I grabbed food and a drink with him and then he went on his way. She called me that evening and I was completely honest with her that we saw him, yet she seemed mad at ME. It was like she used me for information and then held it against me. Weird.
Sure do. Had a friend for
Sure do. Had a friend for over 30 years. He was my boss for some time, lured me away from one company to work where he was CEO. Soon after the board wanted a younger staff and fired almost all of their 50+ year old employees in upper management. I was gone, and so was he. But he was allowed to stay on the board and got a huge severance package and then he turned his back on me since he had money invested in the company. Then he turned into the victim and told people that I ended the friendship, he was so upset about it, and I was irrational. Some friend.
People are governed by incentives. Sometimes it's hard to understand what the incentive is.
What a traitor. I have a
What a traitor.
I have a feeling if someone mentioned me she would be quick to tell them what a pathetic loser I was, and all about how she is too "strong" and "goal oriented" to be around women like me.
(((HUGS))) I have recently
(((HUGS))) I have recently cut off a friendship with a "frenemy" and it caused some other drama among our mutual friends.
I just remind myself... I am not always going to understand why someone does what they do. Not everyone thinks or feels like I do and that is okay. But I can't expect everyone to be a friend the same way I am a friend. And once I realize that, I have to then decide if I can handle them in my life or not.
Hugs to you! It sucks when a
Hugs to you! It sucks when a friendship ends up like that, even if it is for the better. It definitely bothered me A LOT at first... but as you say... you are not always going to understand why someone does what they do.
Yeah I am wallowing in the
Yeah I am wallowing in the sadness of it all right now, especially because my really good friend lied for the frenemy and that just made things even worse.
BUT... I know in ending the friendship with the frenemy I did the right thing for me. The past year I have been struggling with wanting to stay friends with her or not and not feeling like she was a loyal friend. I just needed to take that step and make the move.
Women are such complex characters. It's always hard too to think that you know someone then find out later they are different. So for me, I then spend all my time trying to figure out what went wrong.
I have a "friend" (and I use
I have a "friend" (and I use the term loosely) whom I've known since grade school. She is NOT someone in whom I'd confide anything - unless I wanted others to know - and is extremely nosy... Thinks that because we've known each other for decades, that she should be privy to intimate details of my life. Uh, NO.
I also believe she wants info because she's spying on me for my exBFF. Reason being that the last time I went out with her (it was supposed to be 4 of us and 2 had to cancel), she was asking me questions about things she could not possibly had known unless exBFF told her. She keeps trying to make plans with me, but I've been able to avoid her for 8-9 months now.
If it was possible, I'd avoid her altogether, but our classmates get together several times throughout the year. I won't sacrifice seeing people I truly enjoy because of one busybody.
I used to have a group of
I used to have a group of frienemies. People who's friendship consists of going to each other's important events but when you're all together all you do is roast or make fun of each other. I was in college then and I remained friends with this group because we had all gone to the same high school so we just stuck together. I know some people say "real" friends are those who make fun of you but these weren't just jokes, they would always take it to the level of hurting someone's feelings or broadcasting someone's insecurities to be the funniest one in the room. It grew old and I grew out of it when I found real friends who can have a conversation with you without being mean. If this girl was a frienemy then be glad to be rid of her.