I think it is very dependent on the particulars of each situation...and because of the way the laws are set up in many states, the "custodial parent" gets a crazy amount of money compared to what would make actual sense.

I currently PAY child support, and honestly I think I my court ordered amount is on the low side. I do send extra money to help with extra expenses, and when my son visits I take him shopping for clothes and whatnot. His father is a HORRIBLE money manager.

DH pays what I would consider a reasonable amount, if he had typical visitation...however he had 50/50, he provides insurance, and he pays for EVERYTHING else (all activities, musical instruments, clothing, co-pays, etc)...the court order says expenses should be divided 50/50, but BM never pays her part. In addition, BM lives in a trailer owned by her father, on land owned by her father and pays no housing cost. There are utilities, and she has a car payment (because she needed a giant Suburban to haul her herd of kids around). DH is afraid to go back to court because he thinks he'd be ordered to pay MORE because we are in an income shares state, BM and her new husband are self-employed and no doubt hide their income, and DH makes Good money.

I have been on both sides of this as a former step mom and now just a bm. What I get for cs from my ex doesn't even come close to what I pay for daycare and health insurance alone so I don't feel in my circumstances that my ex is getting screwed. I know my bil pays his ex wife 100k a year in cs and spousal support and she cheated on him which is why they are divorced.

I believe child support can be a good thing, if it is a reasonable amount. The court system needs to realize that the non-custodial parent also needs to be able to support the child at their home. This is a tough subject because where do you draw the line. We all know people abuse the system but there are some who don't. There needs to be more accountability for the person receiving child support. More record keeping possibly.

My ex husband I decided on our own not to do child support. We are pretty matched politically and don't like the government in our business. We do 50/50 custody. We split evenly medical bills. We split extracurricular activities that we agree on. We never ever fight. Ever. He lives up the street from me. Our kids are very well adjusted and happy.

Now DD2's dad has an exwife like the BM you described. He pays her $1000 a month. She made zero dollars when they divorced because she just lived off of him and didn't work even when the kids went to school. The oldest was 10 and the youngest 8 when they split. He does not make a lot of money at all. She left him for his very,very rich best friend. So she went to hair dressing school. Her new husband got her a very nice salon that she owns. She makes mad bank. She and her rich husband claim on their taxes that they make like $10,000 a year between the two of them on their taxes cause they hide all of their money as cash in a safe. Despite this, they had the kids on free welfare health insurance for a very long time even though they live on a 15 acre estate with a two story home and just spend cash hand over fist for things like a $4000 fridge, $5000 fake boobs, a $12,000 John Deer Gator, 3 horses, a round pen, a barn, a boat, a horse trailer, 10 cars in their name, cruises and beach vacations, new iphone6's, just stuff stuff stuff. sO THe kids got kicked off the free health insurance and now DD's dad covers that and car insurance for one teen , half medical, (sometimes all medical) and school clothes and extra curiculars. He doesn't have money at all to go to our DD2. He pays nothing at all towards our mutual child. It all goes to her. She is always threatening to take him back to court for even more money.

SD15 has type 1 diabetes. The divorce decree says she is supposed to cover health insurance but he does. So 6 days after getting her $1000 a month child support check, she says she doesn't have the money to buy the $180 insulin at Walgreens. His kid has to have her insulin. So he drives up there and pays for it. Two days later she tells him she needs his half of a medical bill. She tells him to meet her at the Costco. Her very nice SUV is filled all the way with over a thousand dollars or more of groceries. She laughs and says she bought half the store. So clearly she did have the money to at least pay her half of the insulin but it's constant stuff like that.

She'll say she wants half of medical bill. One can easily go to the Blue Cross Blue Shield webiste since the insurance is his and see what insurance covered and what wasn't covered for copays and she lies all the time to try and get even more money. Money that never ever goes to DD2. He had to put them on his insurance because all the money she spends on all kinds of extragavant things she could never be bothered to get them health insurance even though one was sick all the dang time because she had type 1 diabetes (does still but she just kept taking her to chiropractors and health stores instead of a real doctor for years all the while buying dirt bikes and boats and botox and endless clothes at the mall) so he went and got the several hundred dollar a month policy.

and yes the divorce decree says he gets to claim their two kids on the taxes and she always does it and refuses to sign that form allowing him to. So then he fights with me to claim DD2 on his taxes cause he doesn't get the two that he's supposed to claim.

I hate her. One turns 17 next month. One is 15. 3 more years. and then supposedly I'll have some help towards DD2.

and yes, he never ever gets to see his kids. She does just what your BM does.

I am in a similar situation as you. BM pays NO rent works just enough hours to get food stamps, then gets "laid off" for the summer gets another PT job just before food stamps are threatened to be taken away. She collects CS and unemployment for the summer, has NO overhead. She lives with her Grandmother so she pays for utilities, cable, FS pays for food, she drive a brandy new 2016 jeep that Daddy pays for plus insurance, he pays her cell phone bill and yet she cries poverty and is ALWAYS asking for MORE MORE MORE!

SO works 40-50 hours a week, pays half of Extra activities plus pays close to 700$ a month in CS. Contributes to our household, but to be honest I pick up most of the expenses on top of taking care of my bios with NO cs from their sperm doner. I work my ass off I drive an older model car shop at BJ's for meats and aldi and walmart as well. I don't by designer clothes or shoes. The only luxury I afford myself is my nails and feet being done every 4-6 weeks and once a year I buy myself a good pair of sneakers for the gym. Did I mention I have an 18 yo ready to go to college. You know how he is doing it. HE works, financial aid and student loans. BM is already asking SO about college $$$ and his kids are only 9 and 11. There is nothing in the CO about college so I guess they are going to have to WORK for it. The other day she emailed him asking about driving lessons and a car for there oldest UMMMMMMMMMMM he's 11 and just starting MS. Can you say GOLD DIGGER

I'm on both sides.

My Ex moved away, even though he could have had 50/50. He doesn't exercise EOW. He owes over $15,000 in CS. I do 80% of the transportation so BS can see his dad. I pay medical, sports, school, etc. Ex gets hand me down clothes for BS or clothes from his family and claims that he bought them. He will buy him tennis shoes every once in awhile. He gave me gas $ once for driving BS to him and only because I insisted.

I work hard, am in a successful position at a successful company. I make sure that BS has everything that he needs.

I sit through every soccer game (extreme heat and extreme cold and rain), I sit through every wrestling match, drive BS all over the state for wrestling season, I go to every doctor appointment, every school appointment, I do it all. With very little support from my own DH.

I also make sure that BS gets to see his dad by doing the transporting.

I am flexible for when Ex wants to see BS and always share holidays.

Then there is BM... works a low paying job. Is a total bitch. Has PAS the skids. Talks crap about DH to anyone who will listen and especially the skids. She lives paycheck to paycheck. Gets $600 a month in CS from DH and still has YSD asking DH for shoes and clothes and whatever else.

She collected CS for MSD when MSD was 18, with her own baby, not living with BM and not in school because she lied about MSD being in school. So she collected CS for a kid she shouldn't have even been collecting on. She then claimed MSD's baby on her taxes.

It's a catch 22. There's the good ones and then there are the bad ones.

I read so many cases where the BM is taking advantage of child support but I also know of a few deadbeats who wouldn't provide for their children unless they are forced too. BM isn't ordered to pay anything or provide any kind of medical insurance for SS4. When DH asked BM to pay half of preschool registration she refused, when we signed SS up to play TBall she ran out and bought him his helmet and had it airbrushed with his name on it. It would be nice if she helped with the things that mattered instead of randomly contributing to unnecessary extras that make her look good. Meh. What can we do but deal.

I agree completely! I am on both sides, a bio mom and a SM.
My ex and I have 50/50 custody. I work and support my kids when with me and be works and supports the kids when with him. We split all other expenses such as tuition, medical and extra curricular activities. I always felt that we both chose to have kids so we both have to support them.

My SO pays child support. At time of his divorce his ex stayed home with kids. He willingly paid child support with the agreement that once the kids were in school that would give her the opportunity to find employment and support her children on her time. They also have 50/50 custody (although verbal not court ordered which is another story that is currently being modified). Just for reference his CS is over 2k a month and he isn't by any means well off. Fast forward 6 years still no job for ex but remarried with a husband who makes a good living and we are paying their mortgage.

Here is where my feelings come into play on this subject. I understand that in a married couple home situation one parent staying home with the kids is a decision they have the ability to make. HOWEVER when divorce happens that decision is no longer a luxury. Both chose to divorce and have two households which means BOTH need to step up and support that household.
In our instance - both households have the ability to have two incomes. Both household have children the same amount of time and both households have the same bills. So why is it that one households has to help support the other household just because the mother in the equation refuses to work. Sure she has that choice if her husband agrees but that isn't our problem!

I feel like women equality is a pick and choose situation.

Here's my take: I agree with child support in principle, but in practice it's often abused, as many of the stories above show.

Kids cost money, there's no doubt about it, and if they are at one parent's house significantly more the other parent should help support them in their primary residence. And yes, that may mean paying for more then just their food and clothes, I know our transportation costs go up when skids are here, and we had to buy a house with more bedrooms to house them.

What I disagree with is when the parents have them 50/50 and the more monied parent still pays support. To me that is just simple wealth redistribution akin to alimony. If both parents have the kid equal time, then yes the standard of living will be higher at one house than the other, but I'm not sure why that needs to rectified. I do think that extras like camps, etc should be split proportional to income in these cases.

What I find really appalling is what is done to high income earners. Essentially once you have one good year and the child support gets pegged to it, it is really hard to receive a downward modification. You can't adjust your lifestyle due to a demotion, or change in career, like an intact family can. You're locked in to a high earning, high spending pattern until the kids age out.

Here is my issue about 50/50 no CS. If your ex SO was shit when you were together, they are still going to be shit. I paid for everything for BS when we were together, how is us being split up going to make any difference?

When Ex and I first split up BS was entering into Kindergarten. We did 50/50. Because we both worked, we had to pay $235 per month for full day Kindergarten and then $218 per month for Latchkey. Ex offered to pay the Kindergarten and I pay for Latchkey. Then Ex would throw it up in my face how he was paying more. Okay a whole $17 more, but whatever. I paid BS's medical, but whatever.

Well about 5 months into the school year I get an email from someone in the school financial office stating that BS's kindergarten payment wasn't being made. Idiot Ex wasn't even paying his half. It went the whole rest of the school year without being paid.

I eventually had to pay it so that they would release BS's records when we moved to a different school district when he was going into 2nd grade.

Then the kicker- I found out later that Ex's mom had been giving him the money the WHOLE time to pay it. So not only did he have the money given to him, he wasn't even paying it and left me with a $2000+ bill.

So basically for me, whether it's 50/50 or court ordered CS, Ex is still not going to financially support his son.

With the CS he pays, my DH couldn't keep a roof over his head if it weren't for me. I'm sure that's the case for a LOT of us. Meanwhile, BM doesn't work because she's a STAY AT HOME MOM!!! (Skids are in HS, we're not talking small kids that need a mom at home.) Yet this is all fine and dandy with the courts. In fact, let's drag him in and give her MORE money every few years because, hey, he isn't MAKING any more money but she says she needs MORE so he better pay!

It's a fuck1ng joke.

Then I've got a friend who's owed a whole $100/month (yeah, a hundred a MONTH) and they don't do anything when he doesn't even send that little amount. My DH was behind two months (yes, shouldn't have been but it happened) because he lost his job and didn't find a new one immediately and they threatened to send him to jail. He got dragged to court so he could tell them, "I just started my new job a few weeks ago, I've already started sending money to cover the arrears, I had to take today out of work for this. If you keep dragging me in here I'll lose the new job"

The whole thing is bullsh1t. People who need the money don't get it and those assh0les walk away scot free, the people who want the money because they're lazy pos are given the world and he'd better not fall behind!

It's tough.
DP actually pays child support in a reasonable amount.
But they also have 50/50.
I don't get that.

BM has a low mortgage, a rental space to pay most of that mortgage, a family that helps out too (I believe her father has $$).
And somehow she still can't figure out how to buy the SDs clothes or basic living items. I had to stop doing so because no one else seems to know when they grow out of things or need winter/summer clothing. I don't get it.

DP hates the situation because he sees how much he's paying in CS AND having to buy the SDs clothing (that goes to both homes...actually, much of it still ends up at BMs...example: SD10 just got a 12 pack of new underwear in April, on top of the other pairs she had, and she's now down to maybe 5 pairs at our house total). He's refusing to buy anything more at this point and I don't think he's going to help with the "back to school" clothing shopping either (since he did all of that, then the winter clothing, then the summer clothing this year).

He's also a little behind on his payments (he says he does it because he's sick of paying BM). I got all over him on that one; reminded him it's not optional and it's a STATE mandated payment and he's not to mess up anything about it because it will eventually effect me even if indirectly. He made a payment this last weekend.

I'm a BM and SM and because of my state laws, I do believe in child support. BUT again BECAUSE of the laws in my state.
MY ex and I have 50/50
The law in my state DOESN'T ALLOW you to not work, if you don't work, you still pay child support equal to that as your full time wages even if your not working.
Both parents pay support to the other, 25% for 2 kids, and the cost of insurance is included in your support.
So if Mom works full time for 80,000 a year, she owes him 20000 in support. He makes 100000 a year, so he owes her 25,000 a year. The difference is 5,000 paid to the lesser earner so mom would get 5000.00 a year HOWEVER he pays 200.00 a month in insurance so 100.00 (half the cost) comes out of support.
In the end the Mom gets 3800 for support and her annual income is then 83,000 and his is 95,000, making both able to provide the same care at both homes financially.

Now that doesn't say they will be responsible with it, it just tries to make it fair for the kids is all

I'm a SM and BM. DH and his ex have 50/50 and no child support issued. We buy what SS needs at our house and vice versa. They take turns buying school supplies. DH pays for insurance and whoever takes him to the doctor pays the copay. We pay for his extra curricular activities because we put him in them. If BM wanted him in something, then she would pay. We pay for daycare but he only goes on our time anyway.

My ex pays me child support. It was based on income and 50/50 custody. The amount is about half of what I would receive if I had full custody. He pays for insurance and we split copays and anything extra curricular. I pay for all of their school supplies/clothes/shoes etc. and I pay for all of the daycare/after school expenses.

We get along pretty well and don't usually have any issues. I believe support is good when needed and used properly, but as said, not always the case.

I am a REAL BOY -is my favorite part of this thread.

Great topic but CS is big big money for the states. Below is a link to the history of CS.

http://www.child-support-laws-state-by-state.com/child-support.html

nomorewirehangers, Here is the problem it is your husband. The court order is clear, right?
SD15 has type 1 diabetes. The divorce decree says she is supposed to cover health insurance but he does.

MOM is refusing her child necessary medical care THIS Is not DADS duty he already is paying out of the nose TO care for his child.

She can bitch all she wants but he is following the order SHE is not.
DONT TAKE THE CALL...

SHE rings and your husbands jumps. That is not what the Judge wrote.
She can use the money he has provided for his daughter and pay for her insulin.

**we have family with it too.**