Let me tell you about last night, I really need her to go back to BM's ASAP
I will try not to make this too long and bore you with too many details but I want you to know a little piece of info about me before you read on. I am a HUGE animal lover. I adopted my dog Roscoe from a boxer rescue. He was 2, he was 40lbs, scarred up, missing lots of hair, had been used as a bait dog (look that up if you don't know what it means) and heartworm positive. I could have gotten a brand new puppy but I wanted to help a dog who deserved a home. To this day about a year later, he is 80lbs of muscle, his coat has grown back in and covers those horrible scars, he is heartworm negative, and is the most loving and smartest dog you could ever want. And spoiled.
So two friends of mine had a trip planned and needed someone to keep their boston terrier and I'm a sucker and said I would do it from Wed-Sun. I didn't tell the girls because my BD11 LOVES this little dog and I knew she would flip out over the moon and I wanted to see her face when they brought him. So about 5 yesterday he arrived and he basically jumped 5 feet into her arms and all I could hear was squealing and slobbery kisses. She told the friends she would walk him and feed him and take the best care of him ever (and she is that kid who actually will stay in charge of his food, water, walks, etc...) I noticed that SD8 had disappeared and was in her room with the door shut. So I went in there and said whatcha doing, don't you want to come play with the dogs? She is in full hysterial crying and standing in my face and screams, " YOU DID NOT ASK MY PERMISSION FOR HIM TO STAY HERE AND I DON'T KNOW THAT DOG AND YOU MAKE HIM GO AWAY". That is a direct quote. I said I don't have to ask your permission because it's my house and you are not allowed to speak to me that way young lady, ( I was talking in the calm mom voice and trying not to lose my shit). She starts throwing stuff in her room, slamming stuff around, and full out screaming and crying. I told her to stay in her room until her father got home because her behavior was unacceptable. I went to call him and tell him to hurry his ass up because we had a big problem. I see her come out of the bedroom and the dog went to her and put his paws up on her legs so she would pet him and she kicked him and he cried out and went running to me. WTF!!!!! Who does that? I told her to get in her room immediately and her father would be home in 15 minutes. He can tell I'm very upset and says, "I will handle it". So he gets home and goes straight to her room, comes out about 5 minutes later and gets the dog and takes him in there, then comes to the kitchen. He looks at me and says, " She was just scared because she doesn't know that dog, can't you be more compationate and realize she has feelings too"? I said are you serious? What about her screaming in my face, being disrespectful, destroying her room, and kicking a harmless animal? He said I spoke to her about that and she promised it won't happen again. Why is he so F-ng stupid? Why can't he make his child accountable for her actions?
I want your opinions here, am I overreacting? Did I not have empathy for her? Should I have told her the dog was coming? I mean she is around a 80lb dog every other week at our house, I didn't think a 10lb dog would scare her, it's not like I brought Cujo over. Should I have done something different here? He has totally made me feel like her reaction and behavior was all my fault and I'm going back and forth replaying the incident and I just don't think I was wrong to get mad and send her to her room.
- Accordn2L's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Oh HELL to the no! You are
Oh HELL to the no!
You are NOT over reacting!! If ANYONE kicked a small, defenseless animal in MY home, Skid or NOT, I would be hard pressed not to kick them right back! she could have killed that dog! Ask your H how the dog feels, it has feelings too and she physically assaulted a being WEAKER THAN HER! His daughter just went from mostly annoying TO A FULL OUT BULLY IN LESS THAN HALF AN HOUR!
ETA She is an animal ABUSER! A Bully and animal ABUSER! Not such a fucking princess now is she Disney Dad? You raised a person WHO ABUSES LIVING THINGS WEAKER THAN HER!
You have NO idea how hard it
You have NO idea how hard it was for me not to start screaming and cussing and beating her ass. My BD11 are those people who cry when those damn SPCA abuse commercials come on. And then for SO to basically say I'm a bitch for not "sympathizing" with SD8. I wanted to kick him when he said it!
I would have laughed in his
I would have laughed in his face and told him to fuck off, in front of the damn skids too!
The only thing I can advise
The only thing I can advise is to not let this child live with you. Do not babysit this child.
My SS was 8ish when I met DH. I would not marry/live with him until the skid was 16ish. I knew we would divorce due to step issues.
You are not married, you are "dating". I suggest live apart until skid is much older. It worked great for DH and I.
People are stupid when it
People are stupid when it comes to runners. The stupidity multiplies when it comes to running WITH dogs. My city has a leash law, and yet, when I have my leashed dog out on a run, we encounter every moron in the area who thinks their precious pooch doesn't need a leash. These idiots let their dogs (usually little yappy monsters) chase me and my 80 pound dog down. They'll say "He's FRIENDLY!" The looks on their faces when I lose my shit and scream back "Yes but my dog is NOT! And he could EAT your little yappy monster in a heartbeat! COME GET YOUR DOG!" is priceless. My beast is quite protective of me and does not like strangers (people or animals) running at full speed at me.
Anyway, that was a bit OT but it's my pet peeve lol.
Back to the topic at hand. OP, you were quite reasonable. Your DH is clueless - kicking an animal is never ok. That kid sucks.
My dog is 80lbs of love and
My dog is 80lbs of love and slobber LOL. But I NEVER take him out even to the mailbox without his leash. He won't leave my side but I see people in our neighborhood (and we do have a leash law) that let their dogs walk without one. And considering I like my dog more than most people if another dog jumped on him I would probably turn into Cujo myself to protect him.
^^^^^^^^^^Exactly^^^^^^^^^^ P
^^^^^^^^^^Exactly^^^^^^^^^^
People who are AFRAID aren't going to stand there and kick the dog. They're going to haul ass to get away from the dog.
I, too, went through a stage
I, too, went through a stage of being scared of dogs. Even little ones. And I agree. I would never have kicked one. Push one off me, yes. But only a firm but gentle push, nothing more.
Nanny cams
Nanny cams
Do you ever point out to your
Do you ever point out to your husband when he's being so obviously manipulated? Obviously you know you aren't overreacting and SD is a manipulative brat.
I let the dog and my dog
I let the dog and my dog sleep in our room and I locked the door because of that very reason. I do not trust her at all! If she did something to my friends dog while he was in my care I would never forgive myself.
She can't stand that my BD11 was happy and that she is responsible enough to pet sit and that she saves money from these little jobs and buys a lot of her own stuff. SD8 says well I want that too, well BD11 pulled weeds for 3 hours in 100 degree weather and then walked both neighbors dogs for money, what did you do? I want her gone. I hate this kid and it shows. I told SO last night when I was so mad to take her F-ng Ass back to BM's. Of course he didn't. I shouldn't have to leave my house for the weekend but I'm actually considering packing up a bag, my BD11, and both the fur babies and going to stay somewhere to get away from SD and SO.
I am not tolerating it well.
I am not tolerating it well. I feel like I'm going to have a meltdown. Steptalk is my only salvation right now and the fact that she goes back to BM on Sunday at 4 and yes I'm counting down the minutes.
I hope that you hope and pray
I hope that you hope and pray that BM stays healthy and safe for a long time. Or else, you could be raising this kid full time.
She probably saw it as this
She probably saw it as this dog was a special thing for your daughter since she loves the dog so of course she's got to ruin it somehow. Brat.
Yep my daughter was so
Yep my daughter was so excited, she loves that little terrier and he really loves to see her.
Sweet Pea 128 that was my
Sweet Pea 128 that was my first thought, to pack up her crap and deliver her to BM and be done with it right that minute. I'm so mad at myself that I keep doing this! I'm not even married to him but he is the first man in 10 years that I truly have loved and thought a future could be possible. I screwed up or he tricked me because while we were dating SD8 was always with his mom or his sister so I only saw her in brief moments and of course she was on best behavior and I had no idea what she was really like. We decide he will move in with me and she come per the CO 50/50. Each visit her problems started to show like my roots do after a few weeks. It's been two years now and when she's not there it is awesome. Then she comes and I start having panic attacks, chest pains, I feel angry, I resent him, I find myself avoiding being home if possible. I can't live happily 50% of the time and be bat shit crazy because of an 8 year old and shitty dad the other 50%. I was on my own with my BD11 for so many years and the time he is there and the SD8 isn't, feels like home and family, and I do love his company, but it's just happiness until she comes back. She is 8 which means it's 10 more years until she is an adult and if she's this horrible at 8 what is she going to be like at 12 or 13? But he doesn't see her as misbehaved whatsoever, he just thinks she is a normal kid with normal issues and I'm too strict and not sympathetic enough that she has to bounce back and forth between our house and BM. Um, my kid is a child of divorce and she goes to her fathers every other weekend and I know that is stressful for her at times but she doesn't piss on things, smear shit, kick animals, scream in my face, or anything remote to that stuff. Of course she is mine and she knows I will beat the brakes off her ass if she treated me that way. SD8 knows I won't touch her so she has no fear or respect of me.
I am supposed to pick both girls up at day camp today at 4:30 since he doesn't get home until 6:30 and I do not want to get her. I do not want to deal with her or really even have to lay eyes on her because I'm so mad and so hurt by SO for not responding properly and having my back.
As a pretty mild person, I
As a pretty mild person, I would be FURIOUS if I saw anyone, child or adult, treat a defenseless animal in this way. Honestly, I could not have waited for SO to get home if I saw her exhibit this behavior. She would be in time out in a corner, and then when daddy got home, daddy and I would be having a talk together about what the consequences would be. I can say for sure it would be multiple (missing a fun event, cleaning up dog poop for the week that the dog is here, etc).
Kicking is animal abuse, plain and simple. Doesn't matter if you are 8 or 28, unacceptable. I would be extremely, extremely strict because this is only going to get worse over time unless the behavior is firmly squashed immediately. I would probably also make her watch an educational age-appropriate video about animal abuse. I would not take this issue lightly.
I myself have dogs, and if my SD were mean to them in anyway, she would be in serious trouble. She is not mean, but she is a child, so she is not always 100% appropriate with them. I once had my dogs over, and she was bending back my Shiba Inu's ear. I told her he did not like that, and to stop. She did it one more time, and my SO said "DD5! You were just told not to do that. You need to go in the other room until you can play with the dogs nicely." Mind you, this is a girl who does love dogs, but was not listening. Can't imagine what I would do if she was mean to my dogs and SO did not stop her. Hell hath no fury like an angry dog mama.
I grew up with boxers and my
I grew up with boxers and my parents have always had one so I'm very familiar with the breed and they are my favorite. My daughter has been around them since she was born. But I've always taught her about never petting someone else's dog without first asking, not to be too rough with dogs, even ones that know you, etc... However it is obvious that SD8 was not taught this. But in the two years she has been in my house she knows that she needs to be gentle with ouy boy and until yesterday I have never seen her be mean to an animal, usually just me! lol
I have watched shows that say hurting animals is a sign that the person has no empathy and that is a mental illness, I may not be wording that correctly but I am going to look that up today. I really think I'm going to take BD11 and the dogs and go stay somewhere until Sunday when she goes back to BM because if she even speaks ugly to my dog or the one we are babysitting I think I may go ape shit on her
How could your SO tell you
How could your SO tell you with a straight face that she was just scared?
Apart from this girl's shocking behaviour, disrespect, entitlement, aggression, anger and now violence towards another living creature... how can YOU make eye contact with your SO anymore?
He believes this broken child over you, he involves himself in the blame game, twists reality to soothe his kids feelings and has become a man I'm sure you don't recognize.
Maybe he's only this pathetic of a parent or man when SD is there. But maybe he's just waiting for another excuse.
I'm very sorry. I really think you're too powerful to allow this to go on much longer.
In regards to your saying
In regards to your saying about me being "powerful". I am in a position at work where I supervise others, make decisions for a large company, I own my home, I manage my time, manage my child's activities so she is where she is always supposed to be and make sure we have time for the fun times too. I've always been that way because I've had to be. My Ex-H was a weak ass excuse for a man and I'm beginning to see that SO is too. SO says this statement to me a lot, "You are black and white, you see things one way and can't imagine that things can be done lots of way and still come out the same in the end". I am black and white, I see a right way and a wrong way, the way I have parented my BD11 so far has turned out pretty great considering the young person she is today and I've done that as a single mother. His parenting however has created a horrible, victim, entitled brat, who has no respect for any adult and is manipulative. So sorry SO I won't apologize for seeing things certain ways.
Dear GAWD!! I'm just now
Dear GAWD!! :jawdrop: I'm just now getting on here today to see this. Holymotherofhell I would be FURIOUS with the SO and return that demon spawn back to BM and Thug Life. Kudos for being so calm, I would have totally lost my shit on that kid. Seriously. There is no excuse EVER to be that disrespectful or harm a defenseless animal. Fucking little psycho.
(side note, this even more infuriates me, I have Bostons)Grrrrrrrr
Man, I'm sorry. Wine it up tonight. You and the pooches.
How did your own daughter
How did your own daughter take it when the SD little shit kicked her doggie friend? DH is creating a monster. She needs to be punished. Have him go back to her and say I thought more about what you did and here is your punishment for it. Take away something special of hers. Tell her next time you act up to this degree, more stuff will be taken away. He needs to stop this behavior or your going to both have it really bad when she gets older. She's a mess.