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I think some people are on the wrong website - It says "Where stepparents come to vent"

Abigail's picture

Submitted by Abigail on Sat, 08/15/2009 - 4:49pm

It's not titled, where step parents come to think happy thoughts. This is not a parenting support group. This is not a place to bash step parents for thinking unkind thoughts.

If people don't like this website, they should consider the title and determine whether they are in the right place or not. If the title of the web site "Where stepparents come to vent" sounds negative or doesn't agree with you, I think maybe you need go elsewhere or start your own web site.

Comments

pafreema's picture

Submitted by pafreema on Sat, 08/15/2009 - 4:54pm

I could NOT have said it any better sista!

frustratedinMA's picture

Submitted by frustratedinMA on Sat, 08/15/2009 - 5:10pm

Seriously????? this is still going?? I wish these people would just shut the F up, and let people be. If they dont like the "theme" or atmosphere here, they should go start their OWN website!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Freedom2005's picture

Submitted by Freedom2005 on Sat, 08/15/2009 - 5:17pm

I just ignore these people. It has been proven that women (and most of us are) benefit from talking about things they are thinking and FEELING.

Even if there is no solution, just sharing relieves stress. This helps us be BETTER parents. BETTER partners. BETTER people.

I have no reason to believe I am doing anything wrong. It is my decision to stay or go. (not married yet)

When people go to counseling, they talk out the problem, and they are HONEST about their feelings of it. VENTING!!!! Of course you pay for it, but you (should at least) get advice on how to make it better.

wow... what a concept :jawdrop:

Stick's picture

Submitted by Stick on Sat, 08/15/2009 - 8:02pm

to tell anyone else to leave this site, start another site, or whatever. It's not. If someone wants to vent about how someone else is venting - it's their prerogative... just like what someone vents about, or how they do it, what kind of language they use, and what they say is that person's prerogative.

It's an open forum. Meaning - not everyone is going to get along every day, agree with each other in every way, or play nice in the sandbox every day.

I think that's part of the problem. People are trying to police what each other vent about. I have no problems saying that I don't like something and I fully expect people to tell me to take my rainbow and shove it up my ass. So.. if people can vent about whatever they want and say whatever they want... I think it's only fair that others should be allowed to express an exception to that.

AS LONG AS - we remain civil to each other and don't tear each other down and do not tell someone to take a hike just because we don't like what they are saying. We can disagree..... but we need to remain civil.

Amazed's picture

Submitted by Amazed on Mon, 08/17/2009 - 9:03am

when I read this "I fully expect people to tell me to take my rainbow and shove it up my ass"
*wiping tear from laughter* that was just too funny...Can I quote you? lol

The thing that impresses me most about America is the way parents obey their children. ~Edward, Duke of Windsor, Look, 5 March 1957

Abigail's picture

Submitted by Abigail on Sat, 08/15/2009 - 9:31pm

I was suggesting that some people may want to conisder if this is the correct site for them. I chose this site becaise I am a step parent and I wanted to vent. I read all the postings and could relate to what everyone was thinking and feeling. I knew this was the right place for me.

It doesn't make sense to me that someone would come here and feel the need to change the forum or change the culture of the community. Either it works for you or it doesn't. I didn't go to a single mom's group and say "Hey, I am not a BM but I am a step mom and I don't like the way you are all talking about your child's step mother." and you don't go to a faith based support group and say, "stop praying before the meeting and I don't like the references to Jesus."

If I hadn't like the tone or culture of this community, I would have simply left. I was suggesting to the small but vocal minority of members/guests that have indicated they are unhappy with the site to consider if this is the right place for them to be.

"Evil Stepmothers aren't born, it comes with the territory"

WowjustWow's picture

Submitted by WowjustWow on Sat, 08/15/2009 - 10:57pm

But I said this yesterday and it was ignored obviously by the people who think this site is strictly for bitching about stuff.

After the title of the site it also says:
"This site provides a place for stepparents to talk about their issues, offer support, provide solutions, give helpful advice, ask questions on step parenting and blended families and vent."

So for all of those who go off on a tangent about ST being "A place to vent" yes it is. But it is also a tool for people to get help/understanding/advice on what to do. Vent away, but don't get pissy if someone responds to your PUBLICLY posted blog and disagrees with you.

And furthermore, if I or anyone else, has an issue with something that someone writes it is their right to disagree with them. Why is that every time someone disagrees with the "in crowd" they get bashed?

Abigail's picture

Submitted by Abigail on Sun, 08/16/2009 - 9:08pm

I like the site and like pretty much everyone on it. I personally, have not had a problem with anything that anyone has said or done to me directly.

I have not seen anyone bashed for disagreeing with the "in" crowd-whoever that is, but I have seen people bashed for writing judgemental and mean spririted posts directed at others and this pains me as I know that the people they've been directed at are really suffering.

Calling people names or laying guilt trips on people bothers me. If you disagree with someone, why not respond to them directly rather than writing a general nasty gram blog for everyone to see? And since these folks have written a general blog for all to see, including me, why shouldn't I be allowed to express my opinion about it just like everyone else???

"Evil Stepmothers aren't born, it comes with the territory"

goodmom's picture

Submitted by goodmom on Mon, 08/17/2009 - 8:53am

I have called no one names. It bothers me to see people calling people names. It especially bothers me to hear kids being called names. There is definatly an "in-crowd" on here and you do get lamb basted if you say anyhthing that goes against the trends they set. That's OK though. To each their own.

Having a baby does not make you a mother.

secondwife20's picture

Submitted by secondwife20 on Sat, 08/15/2009 - 11:11pm

but I don't think it should stop there.

I like to hear about success stories... because it gives me a glimpse of hope... that MAYBE something can come good out of my situation. Not only that, but I like to ask those people what they did. We can all learn from each other.

So even though it does say that this is a place to vent, I think we should encourage others to share good stories too!

What I don't like is when there are people who vent and people who don't the whole story come in and say, "Why would you say stuff like that about a child?" "That is so selfish of you to feel that way." "Why can't you just get over it?"

Things like that does not help anyone.

If you don't agree with a person, say so in a civil manner and offer advice... maybe tell someone how they might want to handle the situation the next time it arises... or something along that line.

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." Dr. Seuss

Manda's picture

Submitted by Manda on Sun, 08/16/2009 - 4:20am

I agree secondwife...this site is a place to vent, to get advice from people that have gone through it and advice from people that haven't been there, done that. Yes, we all vent and we shouldn't be punished for saying what we feel. At least we aren't verbalizing it to our skids...

Most Evil's picture

Submitted by Most Evil on Sun, 08/16/2009 - 9:47am

.

KittyKat's picture

Submitted by KittyKat on Sun, 08/16/2009 - 10:11pm

I joined this site over a year ago, and if it weren't for this place to VENT, I don't know what I would have done to stay sane.

The common thread MANY of us have is that we don't have a lot of family members/coworkers, etc. with whom we CAN "vent" over our issues. The advice is often always the same "You're a good person, you'll work it out"

And, as we all well know, it is not always that easy. Success stories are ALWAYS welcome, but for MOST OF US, it's been a trip thru the corridors of some strange HELL before it got better. And, it's great to have co-travelers with you!!!

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."-Eleanor Roosevelt

Amazed's picture

Submitted by Amazed on Mon, 08/17/2009 - 8:58am

with examples too! Biggrin I'm the type of person who needs BOTH things...sometimes I KNOW i'm doing the right thing and I'm ANGRY so I need a high five telling me my anger is ok...but most times i really just need HELP with how I feel and as long as there is an even mix of high fiving and help, the site works rather nicely for me at least.

The thing that impresses me most about America is the way parents obey their children. ~Edward, Duke of Windsor, Look, 5 March 1957

Stick's picture

Submitted by Stick on Mon, 08/17/2009 - 2:21pm

I loved this... Because you are very clearly showing the two different kinds of venting / expression.

I actually think that you hit the nail on the head.... In my opinion, I believe some of our issues are when a poster like Candace blogs an issue but gets a response like the one to Bonnie. Because then Candace may end up being like... Screw You. I don't need a counselor!! I need someone to take an Uzi to 3 toed sloth!!

Anyway, I loved your examples and think it very clearly highlights the different communication styles on this forum.