Thanks. I stopped hoping for better a long time ago. I just hope for sanity now, lol.

Thanks for reading my story... I moved to be with him so my plan is to move back to my hometown as soon as I find a new position there. For now, I am staying with a friend and beating myself up pretty good for being so blind to the red flags that were definitely waving in the beginning. Too bad love doesn't come with an on/off switch, lol. It didn't help that he kept promising things would change. He would make just enough tiny changes to make it seem real. Then as soon as I got comfortable, he would revert back to old habits. When I objected again, he would clam up on me. Now I understand that saying what I wanted to hear just to shut me up was nothing short of lying right to my face. All he did was waste 9 yrs of both of our lives. Of course, he's pretty much wasted every year of his own life tending to his thoughtless, selfish, lunatic family so to him, what was 9 more? :sick:

If you're seeing any signs now that make you think twice about anything, I would say yes, make an exit plan. No one says you have to use it, just have one as a contingency. Luckily, I kept every penny of my inheritance and though I am far from well off, I can be comfortable enough to take care of myself for a good while. I hope your situation never comes to that. Broken hearts heal slowly. Good luck to you as well.

Amen! And thanks. You're right, it is abusive. I happen to know that he has never frozen out his family, not his kids, his mother, and certainly not his ex-wife. No matter what they do, they are treated like gold. I suppose I could have played their game... mouth shut and hands open but, I was raised with values and morals. I am not for sale, at any price!

Oh, they'll be there.... just as long as the wallet is open. I often laughed to myself when they got what they wanted and then ignored him for weeks and months...only to come back expecting more payout. Sad when you really think about it.

Thanks. I know that I'll find happiness one day. Right now I feel like a truck hit me and left me battered on the side of the road but, I also know that I am better off. It just stings a little. He never spoke to me so badly as he did yesterday. I was truly shocked. It was like Jekyll and Hyde on steroids. Kind of like speaking to his ex-wife or his daughter. Seems crazy.

Not sure what you mean by typing my threat. I grabbed a bag and left not knowing that things would get so bad. I do not plan on going back. My brother is coming up to collect my things for me. Since I already have the paperwork from my attorney, all I have to do is pay to have him served. I am staying with a girlfriend at the moment until I can find employment back home, at which point I will be moving back to my hometown.

All of this began when I objected to buying his son a car. He was already given a car which he ran in to the ground. This kid does not work, refuses to do anything for himself, and puts absolutely no effort in to anything. He wants to go to college (and will be in the fall) yet hasn't lifted a finger for himself to get there. He didn't even fill out the application himself. Hubby will be paying whatever the federal government doesn't. When I spoke my opinion and offered up a suitable compromise, hubby looked me right in the face and told me that I was right and that he wasn't going to buy him a car. One month later, he's back to buying his son a car and forgot to tell me about it. Obviously, I was pissed. When I attempted to talk to hubby, he clammed up and I walked out. SSDD. This kind of thing happens all the time. I've had enough. It's not that I'm against parents helping their children. I just think that that help should come while the child makes an effort to do things for themselves. Show me some effort and I'll go that extra mile but, until then, you're on your own.

After the way hubby spoke to me, I will never go back, though I do believe that he will attempt to make amends with me. I don't know, maybe his mask finally dropped enough for me to see the monster underneath. I don't come from that sort of thing so I have no plans on ever returning. Actually, he'll be lucky if my brother doesn't stomp him after some of things that have happened. More on that later. I feel like a big enough fool right now. :sick:

Thanks! It's funny you should say 'choose' happiness. I feel like had hubby been honest with me from the beginning, I would have chosen differently. KWIM? I feel like he cheated me out of making a healthy decision for myself by always telling me what I wanted to hear instead of telling me the truth. I know. What man is going to tell you flat out that you'll always come last or that your thoughts and opinions are meaningless? Can anyone say 'Naive!' :? It's not like I was 18 when I met him. Geez, I was 33 and thought I had some worldly experience, LMAO! Like I said, I feel foolish. Scratch that. I feel totally stupid. Trying to fix that now.

It is pain. It is hit you in the gut and make you drop pain! Thing is, I am angrier at myself than at him. He didn't lead me anywhere I obviously wasn't willing to go. The brick wall I beat my head against... was of my own making. He was never going to change. It was my wishful thinking that kept this nightmare going this long. God, I feel stupid, lol. Well, my rose colored glasses are broken so time to look at this situation with eyes wide open, in the full light of day.

Thanks and hugs back to you.

Thank you. I'll have to check out that book.

I truly wish you the best of luck with the marriage counseling. I don't think it would have made a bit of difference in my situation. He would have just lied to the therapist too. There were just too many outside influences to change my path. Keep the faith.

I don't feel as alone here. This place is exactly what I needed. Common sense and no BS, lol.

There are too many of us here. Makes me very sad.

Take care and please keep me updated.

This too shall pass. That's what I keep saying to myself. I know it's a temporary feeling but, I do grieve for the years lost that I can never get back. 33 was a lot easier than 42, lol. Oh well, I always wondered what 'having baggage' felt like.... now I know .

Thanks. I'll need some luck, lol.

You're so right. He'll never change and that's why I have to move on. I did what I could to salvage my marriage but, it takes 2 to fix what's broken and he doesn't see where it needs to be fixed. Thanks for your kind words.

I'm glad that your hubby is working with you. He obviously values your marriage which seems pretty rare in these step-situations. Continued good wishes to you. Thanks for the encouragement.

Thanks for the support and I do plan on sticking around for awhile. Reading all of the other stories here will keep me from backsliding. I really need that. I will try my best to keep my story updated as it unfolds. It is bound to be interesting as I have no doubt the MIL and the BM will take this opportunity to slam me around as much as possible. SSDD! lol. Besides, if my story helps even one other person then it will be worth it in the end.

How does your DH feel about that letter? I hope he see's it for the manipulation tactic that it is.

Peace to you.

If my MIL and BM were dead, my story would probably be quite different. It's tiring when you're up against the crowd with no one on your side. It began as me against the BM and grew from there. I guess he decided that they were all more important than me.

If you've thought about leaving (and I have for 3 years) then you already know what you have to do. When it's time, you will. When that day comes, the sense of relief is almost as strong as the pain of losing what you thought was your world. At some point, you get to a place where you just know that life is too short for so much unhappiness. Aren't you worth so much more? I decided that I was.

Best of luck to you. Keep looking for that peace within yourself.

Thank you and I'll be sticking around for awhile. I will probably need some reinforcement, and reading all of the stories here will help to keep my head clear.

I wish I had waited a little longer to actually marry him. Maybe I would have seen how badly this was destined to get. Like you, if I kept going down this dark path, I knew I would go insane. The only person expected to change was ME. Sadly, I wasn't the one who needed to change.

I don't know what the future holds but, at least I don't feel invisible when I wake up these days.

I am sorry that your fiance was so cruel to you in the end. It was uncalled for and totally classless. I am glad to hear that your life is getting better. Makes me realize that I CAN do this! Thank you for sharing your experience and taking the time to reply.

Thanks for the words of encouragement. You'll never know how much I appreciate all of the support I have received here.

Thank you for your support and kind words. 42 isn't old at all, nor is 51 :).

I just feel like the last 9 years were so wasted and looking back at other options that I had before I made my HUGE mistake almost makes me cry....almost. I feel cheated and lied to, as I'm sure many other SM's here feel. It's ridiculous the insanity we are faced with on a daily basis.

Thank you so much for that wonderful quote. I will definitely keep reading it, especially on my darker days. More helpful than you know, and much appreciated.

LOL. My mother actually said that very thing to me (minus the part about being a step parent sucking.) IMHO, IT REALLY DOES, lol. Glad to hear that you are holding steady as 'Lady of the Manor.' Keep up the great work!

AMEN!

So glad that you've come out on the other side with happiness, and I'm looking forward to doing the same. Thanks for the book suggestion, I will definitely look for it.
A friend of mine told me today, "Sometimes the brightest light comes from the darkest place." From her mouth to God's ears, right?