THE ENTITLED CHILD...VERY Interesting Read!
I read this article online and thought it was such an interesting read, that I'd share it with you.
Wish my husband would read it!
"Whatever" (sigh)
"Fine" (roll of the eyes)
“You HAVE to take me."
“I’m bored! There’s never anything to do in this house!”
“I only want brand names.”
“Can I have five bucks? So and so always has money.”
Sound familiar?
Are You Raising an Entitled Child?
This is for you parents who are raising their children with overindulgence, self-absorption, and entitlement. The generation just now hitting adulthood or close to it are overly entitled. They feel that they do not need to earn what they want like good grades, possessions, skills or jobs and these children do not respect authority whatsoever!
Jeffrey Zaslow wrote an interesting article in the Wall Street Journal titled, “The Entitlement Epidemic: Who’s Really to Blame,” He notes the cause for the teen to twenty-something generation’s overly inflated sense of self is indulgent parenting.
Is it okay for children to be self-absorbed and overly entitled?
Think about it. It is mind numbingly boring to be with people who are totally self-absorbed. Working or living with the entitled is draining.
As a parent, it is not normal if your kid(s) constantly make you feel guilty. And it’s happening! Entitled children as young as six years old and up (especially children of divorce) have now learned to manipulate parents into feeling almost constant guilt. One divorced father admits that he dreads his children’s arrival at his home because he feels constant pressure and guilt that he is not doing enough for them, that they are not being treated fairly in life; although they have everything a child could want and more. He further admits that his kids believe that life is all about them, their looks, their needs, their wants and that they constantly need to be 'saved' from everyday life. He finds it exhausting. In short, he is not enjoying raising his children. Does this sound like you?
So what is going on with parents? Do they see that by over-indulging they are causing harm to their kids?
These kids are rewarded daily just for their simple existence. Parents have gotten lazy in their parental roles. You can still enjoy your kids and have fun with them but there should always be that line where you enforce discipline and direction in the child.
Yes, it is a struggle to deny, to push, or to discipline and some parents fear that if they parent incorrectly they could psychologically damage their children, causing depression, drug abuse, broken relationships, and failure to succeed, they think that their children will hate them and there are those who parent out of guilt for reasons such as divorce.
IF YOU ARE THIS PARENT, PLEASE READ THIS!
This is a true FACT! Children that are not raised with discipline, not taught respect at a young age, do not earn their way and do not have set limits, are the young adults today who are psychologically damaged, depressed, suffer broken relationships, have no close friends, do not succeed and become drug and alcohol users.
Never mind worrying if your kids will hate you because you will end up hating the people they become! The proof of this is already out there and it is alarming!
Successful parents set limits around spending and other requests and manage children’s expectations. They establish strict boundaries. Effective parents teach kids that there is a clear difference between children and adults; that by education, hard work, age and experience, adults are to be given respect. Children are not on a level playing field with their parents, teachers or coaches!
The time will come quickly for children when they can make all of their own choices. If parents start early by instilling good values, modeling decent behavior and teaching respect, then their children will grow up to make smart choices, develop compassion for others and appreciate and be happy in life.
Kids will learn to want to set goals and achieve them, when they realize how good it feels to do it on their own. So even if they complain, stop doing everything for them!
Kids will learn compassion for others when they learn to respect and contribute to a family unit or community. Give them chores! Teach them to help out when asked. Reward them when they do by saying yes to something they want. Discipline them when they don’t by saying no to their requests and tell them why you’re saying no!
Kids will learn to appreciate when they are allowed to earn something vs. just being given it. Stop giving them money when they haven’t earned it! That’s not reality. You have to work hard to earn money and they need to learn this or they will fail in the work force!
Kids will have closer, more meaningful relationships with their parents when they can count on them for stability, discipline, respect, and direction. Loving your kid doesn't mean showering them with gifts and cash and letting them behave in ways that no one else will ever like them. They will eventually see you as weak and resent you for doing this. And yes, they will turn on you too!
Let's stop raising Entitled Children. Let's give them the gift of the power to think for themselves, to be self confident and to learn respect for others. They will learn from this, a remarkable respect for themselves. They won't need to turn to drugs and alcohol to find it.
We all have the right to the Pursuit of Happiness.
Let your children learn to pursue their own happiness and you focus on yours.
DH and I have always had
DH and I have always had expectations and consequences in our house and followed through with them -the most important step- only to be undermined by BM.Cellphones that were taken away as a consequence were replaced by BM the next week and hidden from us,driving privileges taken away and she gives SD a car,come live with me and I will work two jobs to pay for your needs so you can get F's and hangout with your friends,you get the drift.So, now SD wont have anything to do with us because we expect her to earn respect and have accountability in life.We have been told we are "bad" because we try to do the right thing.Time will tell all and the "bad" and "good"of it all will show its self.
This is what I am worried
This is what I am worried about with my skids. I already see BM doing it with smaller things (giving a pocket knife to SS when we won't allow it because he already has an anger/impulse control issue.) How do you deal with this? Skids are 7 and 9. We have discipline at our house and I have 2 DDs 1 1/2 and almost 4. I will enforce the rules at my house and have DH work with skids but I know the SKids will get their way with BM. I worry what that is going to do to my DDs. They see what their siblings get away with and are going to feel resentment.
Excellent article, read it
Excellent article, read it several times. Thanks for posting.
In an ideal situation, when the parents work together and agree on the family values, divorced or still together, there is greater chance to raising responsible, accountable and compassionate children.
The comment on divorce guilt in the article is somewhat lacking in insight as you can have 2 guilty divorced parents who still work together to do their best in raising their children. Then you have the PASing parents, like our BM, who teach the children to see their father as nothing more than a bank account and year-round Santa to compensate for whatever real or perceived void they have in their superficial existences.
Like birdsofafeather above, we have expectations, rules and values in our home that have been shot down by BOTH BM and CPS! When SD16 lied to us about a party and didn't come home one week-end, we took her computer away (that we gave her), and both BM and CPS said it was theft and we could not and should not discipline SD... That we were too strict and perhpas it's best we not see the SD for awhile.
So much for trying to set boundaries.
Whilst we haven't seen SD for over a year now, she and the greedy bitch BM EXPECTED that we still give gifts to SD for birthdays and whatnot! The best is that SD and her little sister were caught by us using us to buy things for the absent SD - little SD pretending it was for her, when in fact it was for her sister.
All I can say is that I'm diappointed in myself for contributing somehow in producing 3 entitled, greedy little creeps in this world, and utterly disgusted by BM for being a pathologically liying, manipulative, mentally and emotionally disbled c*nt.
Thanks for the article. I
Thanks for the article. I just copied it and sent it to BF, although I give it a 5% chance of being read by him. He prefers denial. Chores, what are those? Dad is buddy, and holder of cash, and a ride on demand to buy the newest video games (dad's treat of course). Why? Just because skid is sooooo awesome. Just for the sperm hitting the egg. Isn't that enough? And don't forget, the poooooor child's parents are divorced (11 years ago), and therefore he is very special and must be handled with great care so that he feels extra loved. Its a joke. Get this. Skid12 has no bedtime. Why? Because skid says so. He is 12, sleeps with a stuffed animal, can't make his own sandwich....but he decides when he goes to bed. I told BF that adult alone time is very important to a relationship. Then I got the lecture about he wants skid to feel loved, anytime of day or night, and he is always available to talk. Of course he isn't being manipulated by a kid who doesn't want to go to bed. He is a just an innocent, sweet, child of divorce who needs his daddy and needs to talk (just so happens only at midnight, when he is finally tired of video games). Not only are these parents indulgent. They are also easily manipulated. Guess that goes along with idolizing your child. Of course they can have no bad intentions.
Enjoyed the article!! I have
Enjoyed the article!! I have a VERY guilty DADDY.........He feels like he owes her the world......pathetic; she is very spoiled and goes w/o nothing.........DH lacks follow through; being a parent is a very hard job. He thinks just because you say it once these kids actually do it.......lol! ya right....
I wish I could e-mail this to him!!
Thank you so much for this
Thank you so much for this article. I sent it to my DH and we finally had a good talk about his kids without him getting defensive. He finally realized he is doing them a great disservice and without accusing me of calling him a bad parent.
Thank You for that article. I
Thank You for that article. I forwarded onto a couple people (mainly my mother) who thought might find it interesting. My mother the one who thinks that she should give my son10 $15 everyother week for an "allowance" he's there 2 hours every day after school on my week till I'm done work. I don't agree with it because he does nothing to deserve it there.
He gets $15 everyother week at our house, but he does chores and has to help around the house and that includes helping with general house chores ei vacuming. We have a chore chart to show that he's done all his chores and my BF or I sign it so theres no arguments after whether they were completeled or not.
This article is
This article is great...thanks for sharing. I have a very guilty daddy who raises his daughter to be the most manipulative, rude, entitled child one could ever imagine. Very few people can tolerate her for very long. She does have a couple friends but they are as messed up as she is. She frustrates me to no avail and it is very hard for me to deal with her. She is sooooooo annoying and immature. Very sad.
This is an excellent article
This is an excellent article for the normal family. However, this doesn't always work for blended families with two high-conflict parties.
The minute my DH started to parent his daughter instead of give her exactly what she wanted, she gave him the middle finger and went to live with her mom. Her mom allowed her to date at 13, amongst other things. Now, he has no contact with his daughter, and she is still growing up entitled.
So, what is worse, an entitled kid you see, or an entitled kid you never see?