Am I overreacting?
Sk didnt want to come over for the entire month. We have him EOW but since his grandma was in town he didnt feel like comming. His BM called and said the reason is he wants to be alone with his dad and do things with him. Translate it he wants to sit on the couch the entire weekend and do nothing, and go nowhere. So in the end this is my fault. Fine, i dont give a rats ass. It is better for me if he doesnt want to show up (this sounds bad I know).
For the last few visits his BM asked if he could stay until Monday morning, because she has school (on a Sunday?!) so it would be great if SO took the kid to the school. These weekends are nightmare for me. I get extremely irritated and annoyed and i am just plain tired of the kid. His behaviour. Everything about him.
SO told BM last time, that he could only do that that time.
Fast forward to today, the bitch calls, if the kid could stay until Tuesday. Monday is public holiday, and she once again HAS SCHOOL?! SO didnt say anything to her regarding that blatant lie. I am starting to resent him. First of all he told her no more, second of all this time for him is apparently different because of the public holiday... Third, I dont know how on earth am i going to survive this kid from Friday until Tuesday. I am going to explode. I canont deal with this.
Am I overreacting? Should I let it go and survive the weekend? I know this shit wont stop. What should I do, and what should I tell him? He obviously doesnt give a shit about how I feel. It seems that he schedules these visits with BM, and who gives a shit how I feel. Who gives a shit if I wanted to do something or go somewhere. I am not sure if i want the rest of my life to be run by them.
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Oh I can so empathise with
Oh I can so empathise with you....I have actually reached breaking point with the same scenario. In our case BM makes the calendar up and then constantly changes it on a whim and in spite of all the discussions we have had, DH still automatically says ‘oh yes, the kids can stay with us.’ Then he comes to me with hands in the air and sad eyes and asks what could he do, he can’t reject his babies. When and if I dare raise an objection to this stranger running MY life, I’m the nasty, wicked, unloving step-witch.
He did it again this past weekend and I told him – calmly and after a great deal of thought – that if it EVER happens again (barring a death or medical emergency) that I am leaving him. I know it floated over his head but when he sees me looking for a place to rent this week, he’s going to get the message loud and clear. The two things he knows about me is that a) I am a woman of my word and b) I do not need him to support me or my kids, I’m still supporting my kids 100% even though we are married.
Only you can decide how much you will put up with. Months ago on her blog, Poison Apples put up a link to a fantastic article written by a divorced father about emotional adultery – it should be mandatory daily reading for some of the Disney daddies we all know!!
Then he comes to me with
Then he comes to me with hands in the air and sad eyes and asks what could he do, he can’t reject his babies. When and if I dare raise an objection to this stranger running MY life, I’m the nasty, wicked, unloving step-witch.
Exactly the way it goes down in my house!
I dont have kids of my own
I dont have kids of my own yet, so thats why im thinking maybe i am blowing it out of proportion. It just seems that i have less and less tolerance for the kid. I really get tired when he is around. He is so difficult. I cannot even explain how.
I understand that my SO misses his kid, but thats him and not me. I do not feel that way.
I also dont know how to talk to him about it because i know he will get defensive and blame it all on me and say how horrible I am and how it wasnt a problem for me in the beginning. But now it is a problem and i cannot deal with 4 day weekend with the kid. This kid in particular.
Maybe i am an egoist. I probably am egoistic because i want everything to work in my favour. But why does life need to be like this?
I hate that she contacts him and is always trying to dump the kid on us longer and longer, and yet she wants the money.
I am scared even thinking about the future and what it will look like.
I too feel ur pain. His ex
I too feel ur pain. His ex constantly makes the rules and we have to follow them bcuz he wont stand up to her. Its for the kids tho...lol.while I understand what ur going thru, u have to keep in mind it is his kid, and they do "need" eachother. When u got involved u knew he had a kid? Its a packaged deal, like it or lump it. Maybe u can make ur own plans on the weekends sk is over? That will at least get get rhe point thru how tired u really are, and maybe thatll grab his attention. Good luck
I completly understand, you
I completly understand, you are not overreacting he should talk to you before making these decisions.
He's placating the BM b/c he
He's placating the BM b/c he "doesn't want to LOSE his child"
NEWSFLASH!!
He'll "lose" his child much, MUCH faster by teaching Junior that mommykins rules and daddykins drools!! This instills a complete lack of respect for dad (which is what the BM is trying to attain here) and will cause Junior to PAS out in a matter of months not years.
That and he'll become a felon b/c he's also teaching Junior not to have respect for adults and dad. . .aka AUTHORITY. It's a setup for failure.
NOT having a set, written schedule (as in the case of the biodad I'm living with) or allowing the BM to make willy nilly changes is all teaching Junior CONTEMPT for daddy!! It's subtlely teaching Junior that there's no structure, rules are meant to be broken and to challenge all authority.
Your DH needs to pull himself up by his balls and put his foot down.
In addition, PARENTING time should be just that. . .PARENTING and not BUDDYING!!! So NO 24/7 three ring entertainment one on one daddy/disney time. This is complete BM PAS garbage. This is to edge you out as a valid, adult, member of the household that SHOULD have a say over how Junior is parented and how things run in YOUR house!
If biodad keeps going the way he's going, he'll lose Junior in more ways than one.