Tell you husband it's time to start acting like a responsible father and not be guilted by his darling daughter. And I'm with you...if' you're old enough to have made the decisions to bring children into this world and want to get married, then you SHOULD be responsible to do it on your own. You are not owed a wedding from your parents...they give because they can or want to. Good Luck!

When the bm calls u guys to scream about the same thing, then the decision is made. Dotn stress too much because mom and dad appear to be on the same page. No money.
So there is the answer. Your dh and his exwife will have to get together face to face with daughter and tell her sorry sweety, we have no money to put forth considering the 3 week notice. People who marry usually take one year in advance after their engagement which basically gives people a chance to save money along with the daily bills they have to pay.
Its a no for the money. You'll just have borrow the money for the wedding or postpone it until you have enough money for your wedding.

So is your dh considering giving the money? Cause if he is, then you and bm shoudl get together and give a real hard slap of reality.!!!!!

Dh, is dear husband,
BM is biomother or biomom....

Detach, detach, detach. My 22 year old YSD asked if I could come get her last week so she could do laundry at my house. No--go to a laundromat. This week I get a text asking for me to come get her in my car and take her son to his pediatrician appt. later this month in the office building across the street from her apartment complex. I log on to T-Mobile and once again block this needy SD's phone where she can't bother me and it forces my DH, her dad, to deal with her crap. I married DH, not his children. As if that wasn't bad enough YSS who's almost 19 called and asked my DH to co-sign on a $10,000 car for him. Instead of saying "I have bad credit and I wouldn't do it even if I had good credit" my DH simply said he had poor credit and told YSS to try his older brother. I give it a few days and YSS will be asking us to help put down a nice deposit for a car if you get my drift.

I've only been married about 2.5 years and I get worn down by the drama. It blows my mind that this stepchildren are grown, most have families of their own, but still expect their parents to help them on a regular basis. I agree if you're old enough to marry and have children, you have to cut the financial ties at some point such as when you chew your parents out, throw a hissy about how grown up you are, teach those parents a lesson, etc. Ok, children. You HAD to prove to us all you were adults, so hey, start acting like one. YSD also is a high school dropout with no driver's license either. She is fully dependent on her husband or others to take her around to run errands, go to appointments, etc. She moved closer to us (5 minutes by car) and has the worst sense of entitlement. Any time I try to give her the benefit of the doubt and DH stresses to her that she is not to ask for rides, invite herself over but wait to be invited, etc. she does ok for a few weeks then goes back to her old ways. My therapist and have a month going for each time I block the YSD's phone. I simply tell my DH she's been blocked and she's not welcome here unless I invite her over. Some people think it's cruel but I own the house and if I'm on eggshells when DH's children come over, it makes me miserable and the mood lasts for days after.

Don't help your stepdaughter. She can fend for herself. There's no reason after having kids as long as she has (her oldest) that she can't wait a few more months and save for her own reception. Yes, it's hard when our spouses cater to them but at some point they'll wise up and see they are being used and have become a parent of convenience where the child is concerned. Best wishes!

Me (41). DH (53). Married since May 2007. DS (9) from my 1st marriage where that husband is deceased. I have 6 grown stepchildren who do not live with us: SD (32), SS (29), SS (29), SD (26), SD (22) and SS (18). DH has been married twice before me.

Same here. Our "little miss entitlement" aka sd18 bounced back and forth for years, manipulating and lying her way to getting what she wanted. Dh refused to see it and guilt-parented his way through it, until she threatened to ruin our wedding if she didn't get to be the maid of honor. No chance in hell of that one, sweetie. We were told that if she couldnt be the moh, then she would show up anyways with her friends and trash the wedding. Dh FINALLY stood up to this horrible little girl and banned her from our house, the wedding, and from calling us. She went to live with bm, yet again, then ran half way across the country to live with an 18 year old guy she met online. We didnt hear from her for months, and now its the phone calls all the time, asking for money, a car, plane tickets to come home to visit. I was furious that dh was even talking to her again, but he's worried that she's really going to get herself in trouble, living in a state where she knows no-one but this guy. She'll be 19 this month-and I dont want anything bad to happen to her- but when does this end? I know, never. I love dh far too much to leave him over this, but now she's creeping back in through the phone. Dh put a limit as to how many times she can call a week and told her she's not allowed back in our house until she starts therapy....I guess he's getting there, but this sense of entitlement crap really burns me. Ss16 still lives with us and talks to sd all the time on the phone, and then tells us how sad she is and how she doesnt have any food, and that we don't understand her. I told ss that if she got a JOB, then she would have money. He just stared at me like a deer in the headlights. He's another story for another time. God it feels good to get that off my chest, thank you.

Do not confront her............... with your feelings. It's Dad's job to cut the suspenders from this girl and its way past due. Your problem is convencing him that as a father its his obligation to force his child to make her own way in the world.

His other option is to wait until he dies and then she will learn these lessons. But it will be so much harder and maybe impossible for her to cope. He will have done her a dis-service and one could say ruined her life.

Take a look at Amazon.com or another bookselling site. Find books that will address this issue and buy one for Dad. "Tough Love Adults" would my key words to start but use your imagination.

I would never ever have dreamed of embarassing my parents by asking them to finance my lifestyle the way some of these individuals do (my own adult stepdaughters included). Some people just have no shame and no self respect.

My father would have sent me away with more than a flea in my ear and I think he would have felt that he had failed in life somehow if we had gone begging. My dh and I don't have a great deal of money, but what we do have, we have worked hard for and paid for ourselves.

Time this lazy so and so was sent out to work and made realise just how much a wedding is likely to set everyone back. She might then be a little more realistic about what she can afford.

Good luck to you.

If she want's something tell her to go work for it ! she'll appriciate it more and as for what you will give it will be a gift!

Tell him to cook! or he can buy something.....its like knockign on a brick wall!!!!
What does her mother think? Since she called screaming about it?

I'm with you, Wishes...

My three adult SD "infants" (30, 29, 26) have me so detached from their lives after 6 years of their "antics", that I wouldn't attend one of their "events" again if they rolled out a red carpet.

And, I'm not angry, I'm not upset. It's just that every event (holidays, weddings, etc.) there is always some dramatic EPISODE where I just want to get the hell away from them anyway. Nothing ever runs smoothly with these three. So, they can have "daddy" all to themselves for their dramafests; I'll be busy living my life.

And the episode that sealed fate for me happened just about a month ago. H and I went away for a much-needed RELAXING long weekend. But, StepInfant (29) must have needed attention from daddy in that she found herself in trouble with the law again, basically ruining our weekend. After much chaos, I totally flipped. So, of course, I"m the "bad one"....not that a 29 year should KNOW after ONE FRIGGING DUI (and leaving the scene of an accident)...you DON'T GO OUT and DRINK AND DRIVE AGAIN.

They can all kiss my azz. H KNOWS it's wrong, but, again, it's his problem not mine. Luckily, he will not be giving the witch ONE DIME to help her out, but he's still convinced the cops are out to "get her" (!!!)

All I know is that the "girlies" don't like me very much, and I couldn't be happier. Maybe now they'll GROW UP and get a life!!

I'll meet ya for drinks the day of the "wedding". I'm sure we could swap MANY stories.

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."-Eleanor Roosevelt

I would have told SD to have a potluck dinner then everyone can share in the expense. Problem solved.

We all smile in the same language

I am relating to these stories. I have been married to my husband now for 20 years. He has 3 Skids (28SS, 32SS and 33SD). Each one of them has major entitlement issues.

I end up of course being the bad guy and putting my foot down. My DH is 11 years older than me, done, he is nearing retirement and has to start looking out for himself. So the straw that broke the camels back was about a 2 years ago when he went behind my back to give deadbeat SS32 his SSN so he could get a cellphone (they all have crappy credit because they do not pay bills... go figure). So SS32 runs up cell phone to the tune of 1100 dollars, does not pay it but instead gets a second cell phone and does not pay the last bill on that one either (another 150 bucks). Both end up on my husbands credit report (went to collections). I am trying to refinance our house and the lender says "Your husband has some collections" i think i almost fell off the floor when i found out what happened.

In a way it was a good thing because the lightbulb went off in my husbands head. That all they think about him is as a 'wallet' and dont really give a crap. Its very sad. He thought he was helping and he got screwed. Bottom line, we ended up having to pay that bill. Flushed money down the bowl. On another occasion he gave SS32 money to help pay rent one christmas (about 2000). We visit them a few months later and i see that he is playing around with a brand new laptop? I did not say anything at the time but when i got home i told my husband and he was livid. I said, what do you expect? He thought he was helping. NOT.

To make a long story short i had my husband call up deadbeat son and tell him he had to pay the bill and get a new phone. I really was livid, honestly i could not even imagine doing something like that to my own parents? Bottom line.... SS32 decides he should not have to pay anything and ends up getting an atitude and stops talking to my husband for about 6 months (best 6 months of our lives). I guess after all "we owe him?" Unbelievable....

And dont even get me started with birthdays holidays ect, i can count on my hand how many times he has even called or sent a card (i have stopped thinking about what a normal 32 year old would give like.... oh a present!). But he always has his hand out. He lives back east, has now moved back in with BM and has not worked for about 2 years. Says to others how he can "count on his hand how many times his dad has helped him..." (in other words doll out money to float his not working???) I refuse to enable. I told him it has to end. Also i guess SS32 made comment to brother in law that he is upset at his father "that he never set him up in a business." (in other words he would not be sitting in his moms house eating twinkies if ONLY we would have gave him money???)

Its really unbelievable. About 2 years ago my husband inherited a small amount of money from his mothers estate and it has been HELL ever since. You would think we are from lifestyles of the rich and famous. Basically all the money did was dig us out of our financial hole and provide us a small slush fund, not enough to retire on or go on a cruise. Either way now they all resent the fact that we do not just "give it to them" or "pay thier bills."

I just dont get it. Now SD33 has an attitude with me because she is broke with 4 kids on Section 8 because she made stupid decisions. She used to call about every other week whining about money until both of us snapped and my husband said "Do i need to get another job because your husband does not want to work?" She does not want to work, but i do. I say "get a job!" Instead she makes suggestions to us how "We should move back east, get a big house together and i (me) can take the train into the city to work while she watches the kids" i say.... OK so who does that benefit?

Last year i finally started thinking about myself too. Stopped taking trips there all the time. For the first time in many years my husband and i went to Florida for Christmas. We started to think, the planes work both ways. Since that time she has gotten a tude with me too. I dont care.

Its sad. I think she really resents me and i am so done. We live out of state and there is a reason for it!

OMG --- Wow I am in the same vote and it really hit home for me last night.. How manipulative they can be. MY SD is 18 moved out came back couldn't live by rules and got forced out in Sept.. ok calls she is pregnant, doesn't like the kid anymore, got fired from her job and wants to move back in, we wanted to sit down with her, but no she had to know if she was moving back in yesterday caused a whole up roar, her mom was texting me all this crap. And when it was finally said and done this is the last straw for me with her! I can't do it. I gave her support when she was telling us she was pregnant, I was buying things, more so cause she was working and SEEMED to be grown up. She will be 19 soon. Very rude, manipulative, selfish and its sad cause now she is bringing a child in to the world. But I can't do this anymore, 6 years of her crap and I just can't...Sad thing is her mom doesn't want her to live with her, but wants to be the greatest mom ever... does that make sense.. I used to get along with her, now I think she is just nuts.. Everytime I get my hopes up that things will be ok, maybe this is it, I get let down and hurt and I just can't anymore.
So dear I hear you loud and clear.. Sad sad sad...

Happy
"live life to its fullest everyday"

I thought the tradition (in normal circumstances) was that the bride's family footed the bill for the wedding and reception and the groom's parents footed the bill for the liquor.

What did they or his parents contribute?

Ugh! I hate these SK's sense of entitlement! My DD got married last year, she didn't ask us for anything. We sent her a check for $500, and spent another $500 on a gift. DH has been out of work off and on, and we are not well off. She had a really nice wedding, and I know they spent a ton, but that's what they wanted. SD and her BF and kids were there. They announced at the wedding, that they are going to get married in the next year or 2. Then SD told me they'd wait awhile, so we could recover from DD's wedding. I told her DD paid for most of it anyway, not us. Then I was told that SD was going around, telling people at the wedding that she was making a list of stuff she wants for her wedding to give to us! The crap never ends!!!

The woman is a disaster. How can your DH even stand her? He needs to set some limits. She made her life into what it is so if she wants to complain she should do it to a shrink.

Keep being happy with yourself. No signing up for babysitiing duty by default. She will not let up until your H tells her off. I constantly remind my H, that when he does see the crap his grown kids do... I hope that it does not do him him since he is going to take it really hard.

Now that would be unfair to me being the disengaged, selfish, pregnant SM that I am with a smile on my face every day for not playing along.

Then they cannot afford to get married.