Almost every single post I`m reading here says that theres something wrong with their stepkids, contributing to their "stepmom unhappiness" syndrome. What if my stepkids are just fine? I married my husband when they were 2 and 4 (now 10 and 12), they grew up with the schedule and everything we have now. They don`t even know what its like to live with one mom and dad without going from one house to another. What makes me feel so horrible about myself is that they do love me, as I`ve always tried to take care of them as of my own. I do have a nice relationship with them as well, but its not the same kind of strong and unconditional love type of relationship I have with our biological 5 year old girl we hve with my husband together. It`s a constant effort for me to greet them happily, hug them tight or kiss them the way their mom or dad would, when they come back from their mother`s house. When they come back I feel that the strangers are in my house.. Poor kids. I do respect them and never treated them the way they would`ve been not happy about, but I have no feelings of excitement or that motherly love for them at all... They are getting bigger now and understand more and i feel that they are starting to feel my deep and masked indifference to them. They are just being nice and quiet about it, never say anything bad..i think its difficult for them to understand why I act kind of remote and estranged .. We have a 45/65% custody, since we married I became satay at home stepmom so that we could maintain the custody arrangements. Since our house is out of their school district (30 min away from school and their mothers house) , it is me who drives them back and forth: school, friends play-dates, activities, mothers house... and takes care of them 100% when they are in our house. My husband is a super loving father, does his best to share the load of his parenting... but he works a lot to support us all.....I often find that its me who has this custody arrangements, not him.. I do really want to have another child of my own, and he, obviously, does not, as he "has had enough"... He is 7 years older than me and doesn`t want any kids anymore. Over the years, I started to feel that my stepkids substituted for my joy of having my own normal, not blended family, without BM being around, constant driving back and forth... Few days ago, I couldn`t hold it anymore and told my husband that I was mad at myself for winding up with someone else`s kids instead of having my own. He exploded in return, saying that I`m not grateful for everything he did for me, and that its so cruel of me and not fair towards his stepkids who love me... making me feel that I`m most horrible person and wife ever... I do love him a lot and so does he, but he just won`t ever understand me...I`m tired of supressing my feeling all the time, although theres nothing wrong with the stepkids... I wish I had this mortherly feeling towards them which seem to come so easy for your own kids... Anyway, now i feel even more guilty and I wish I never opened up to him... I`m afraid that our marriage won`t last long... help!