Asking SD13 to not be a bad person causes her distress

Every time my partner and I address, correct, and punish poor behavior (stealing, walking onto other people's property, taking off disappearing without telling us in public, being obsessed with death/gore/violence, breaking things, touching things that don't belong to her, cleaning up after herself, helping out around the house, bumping into people, hygiene, insert anything common to troublesome SKs on this site), SD gets enraged. She'll slap herself, stomp around, scream out. Everything is a dramatic performance with her. We just don't even entertain it any more. We carry on now after too much time trying with her. You name it, we've tried it. Most times, though, she just rolls her eyes and does her usual manipulative tactics as well as deny, deny, deny any wrongdoing. Just mumbles, "Whatever." Often, she'll blame it on someone else, or say she was roped into it (never true, she's always a willing participant). We've explained that one day, the police won't care if she was roped into it or not, if she was there, she participated and will be held accountable by the law. She doesn't like being held accountable or apologizing without being prompted. Has no friends at school. Refuses to socialize. Is a total loner, loves being in her room all day (so no punishment or consequence works for her). She's been in therapy for over a year with a new therapist. Weird, it's almost like therapy can't work on someone who doesn't see a problem with themself and have a desire for change. I asked her point blank the other day, "Why is it so important that you hold on to being a bad, violent person? How does that improve your life and make you happy?" Like.... how do you not see that not a sole person can stomach to be around you. How are you happy being so miserable. Your life is just going to get worse and worse and worse into adulthood. Like, holy cow.

greyskies's blog
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Stop asking her to not be a bad person and bring the pain.

So, time to invoke a life of escalating abject misery. Take her electronics. Nothing electronic in her life. Shut off the internet when she is out of sight. I bet she will hate her room under those circumstances. Particularly when it has no bed, no door, etc..... Dress her in clothes she hates and that is what she wears. Period. Dot. Pitch everything else.

Take her joy, take her bliss. Replace it with escalating abject misery.

Web cams, everywhere. Put microphones in her room and the bathrooms so you can monitor her even in those spaces. Cameras everywhere else. That way, when she pitches her tantrums, you can call the police and have her dealt with effectively and present footage and audio of her crap to the authorities.

Stop discussing, and bring the pain. You have to be more commited to delivering abject misery than she is in perpetrating whatever behaviors she thinks gives her the result she wants. I would look at a remotely located and isolated behavioral modification school if I were you and your DW. No choice, go, comply, or be increasingly miserable. If she wants a life of reasonable pleasantness, she pulls her head out of her ass and behaves. Pain, or no pain. Her choice.