They are not missing out on anything!!! They are spoiled!!! Quit feeling sorry for them!!!
I bought the kids one of those chocolate Christmas count down calendars so that we could make the days leading to Christmas fun. We have SS(5) and SD(7) every other week and last week was our week with them. DH of course decides how the order will go, SS, SD, and then my BD 8. I put my foot down on that one because I don't think it's fair just because his kids are only with us every other week that they always get to go first and my BD always has to go last because I have her 100% of the time. So I told him to be fair that we will draw names to see who goes first. That way even if it still goes SS, SD, and then my BD it's fair and she won't feel like she always comes in last intentionally. DH drew the names and it went SS, BD, and then SD.
The countdown started on Saturday since it fell on 12/1. Sunday night DH is telling me that I need to make sure that Sd gets her chocolate in the morning before she goes to school to which I agreed with as long as stayed on time and SD wasn't acting up.
Last night I was telling DH that I think the rotation should go back and forth between BD and myself while the his kids are with BM. (I know. I'm a giant child and love chocolate.) He told me that he thinks that the days should be opened on the calendar as scheduled but the chocolates that fall on his kids days should be saved for his kids upon their return.
This annoys the crap out of me. First off, if that's how he feels then he needs to start throwing an extra BD party for my daughter and doubling her Christmas money since she only gets one of those and they get two in order to make things fair. They already told me that they have one of these calendars at BMs. Why do I even do these things for the kids when he's just going to make it out ot be about his kids missing out on something. BM is constantly doing fun stuff with them when they are with her and we do fun things with them when they are with us. They're not missing out on anything nor are they living a boring life and being mistreated by any means. They do a lot more fun things then my BD because both parents feel obligated to it on their time. I just don't get him. It frustrates me that even the fun things that I do for all of the kids ends up being all about his kids missing out on stuff. News flash DH, you chose to follow through with the divorce. You get your kids 50% of the time which is better then most. Why should my BD be punished because of your choices. You want your kids to have their own countdown calendar then YOU go buy them one.
I know. This seems petty. I'm just sick of everything having to do with Skids. Poor wittle skids went frough a divorce. Now they need to be treated with kiddie gloves. We wouldn't want them to have any problems with not getting everything. We all know that's how life is right? Well my BD went through the same and she isn't treated with kiddie gloves. In fact her father has all but abandond her for drugs and alcohol. I expect her to follow the same rules, treat people with respect, listen to adults, be polite, and clean up after herself. What the hell have I been thinking all this time?
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3 calendars. We do those too.
3 calendars.
We do those too. The kids catch up on which days they missed when they return - I do not allow the bios or the skids to take them to the other parents house - they just catch up.
Just get each of them their
Just get each of them their own calendar and they can catch up when they come back!
Ditch the chocolate & have
Ditch the chocolate & have them each make a countdown chain. You know...the paper chain linked together & each day you remove a link?
That way, one kid isn't getting a treat in front of the others who are not & they still get to do a countdown.
This does seem like a petty thing to get upset about.
I guess I don't even
I guess I don't even understand trying to do such a thing when skids are only there on the weekends... What the heck is the point..kind of defeats the whole purpose when they have to come and "catch-up" and not like it's of any importance to them I bet.
I would have just done it with your BD... but imagine that your DH would have had a hissy at that.
It's so exhausting that
It's so exhausting that everything has to be a big deal in a blended family, right? I think i'd do whatever dh wants this year just to keep the peace and then next year I'd simply buy one for my daughter. Period. If he wants to do one for his kids-then he can do so as well and handle it however he likes.
If they have doing one at bms
If they have doing one at bms then there is no reason to keep the chocolates for them. They understand more than you think and more than likely they dont care.
Just explain it them that they will get theirs at their moms for those same days.
There is no reason to make this any more complicated than that.
Why does everything have to such a damn big deal? Geez!
Do three calendars or save
Do three calendars or save the chocolates for when his kids are there.
What you are proposing (you and DD eat them) is really, really unfair.
I'd bet you'd be mighty unhappy if he suggested doing that to YOUR child.
Stick i know i wouldnt. If my
Stick i know i wouldnt. If my kids arent here life goes on
It doesnt stop when they arent. And yes my kids have missd things like that as they arent home. Geez. They have one at their moms what the damn big deal? Oh i know they will get 2 cocolates instead if one. Eye roll.
I have done things like this with out my kids before and they never got upset s they know they arent here when it happened.
As i said why does it have to be so damn complicated? We the adults are making that way not the kids.
I think you have to do
I think you have to do something that is just special for your own kid. Why should your kid be made to feel that the only time she is allowed to have fun is when the stepkids are there? She will wind up resenting you.
His kids get the special things with their mother. They can participate when they are at your house, but by no means should they expect the world to stop turning when they are not there. It isn't healthy for your daughter and it isn't healthy for them.
Stop trying to please him at the expense of your own kid. He's obviously defending his. Its about time you defend yours and tell him to pound salt.
Where did you read THAT? I
Where did you read THAT? I missed it.
I saw where BF said he wanted his kids' chocolates left there until they returned, but nothing about her DD's chocolates.
This whole thing is so stupid, really. Chocolates in an advent calendar? THAT needs to be fought over?!?
I agree 100%! There would be
I agree 100%!
There would be no problem if they simply eliminate the candy from the countdown. If they did a paper chain, they still get to anticipate Christmas getting closer & there's no freaking candy for the ADULTS to fight over!
I may have misunderstood, but
I may have misunderstood, but that isn't how I read it. The way I read it is that there is one calendar with one piece of candy per day. Each day 1 kid (they turns) gets the piece of candy.
Her Dh was wanting to save the candy that falls on his kids days (when they're at BM's) for them to have when they came over instead of letting OP & her daughter eat the candy from those days.
I don't even see where the
I don't even see where the kids have taken any issue with it. It's the adults arguing against each other on behalf of kids who have nothing to say about it!
exactly what I said the skids
exactly what I said the skids could probably care less... probably forgot about the stupid chocolate and calendar the second they walked out the door.
Storm that is correct. Even
Storm that is correct. Even though step kids have one at their moms so they are getting a chocolate every day. Dd is not.
This is what id do. While skids are there they take their turns as fair is fair. Then when they arent it goes back to the kid that is there for those days. The fact is the skids are not there on those days and the sooner ops dh understands that the better.
Life still goes on when they are at their moms always will and its not fair to the ones that are there to put their lives on hold while skids are at their moms enjoyimg life. The kids should get to enjoy life weather skids are their or not.
To me its not about the cocolates but about that dad hasnt accepted the fact his kids arent there all the time. However that is not dd fault and should not be taken out on her by not letting her do the count down.
I do so many things when my
I do so many things when my sd is not here. I must be the reason SMs have a bad rap. Imagine me thinking my child deserves to have a little fun when she is off having fun with her mother. Wow, how awful for my child to enjoy his life with his mom. How DARE I expect that he enjoy his life unless she is here to participate or unless I "save" some fun for her. Funny, no one takes issue with the fact that SD gets twice as many Christmas presents (you know that we pay for with cs - her mother does not work), twice as many birthday gifts, etc. Noonne thinks my little guy is left out when her mother takesher to the zoo. But hey, she's been through a divorce. Poor thing. She deserves the world and then some. My kid? Eh, he's not been through divorce and therefore only having 1/2 a life shouldn't be a problem for his strong sense of self.
SD is 8. We've done no holiday traditions for the past 6 years. THis year we're doing LOTS. When she is here, she'll participate and be included. When she is with her mother, she'll miss out. Too bad, so sad. Not my fault HER two parents neglected to plan fun traditions. The bottom line is these poor, poor, children of divorce usually have two involved parents. They're expected to do half the discipline and responsibility, but reap 200% of the rewards. I call bullshit. My sd has 2 parents. They can do whatever they want with and for her. My kid has 2 parents. I can't help that as involved as my dh is he isn't a planner and most of the fun stuff in our house is planned by me. He hit the mommy jackpot. SD didn't. Wasn't my choice for her.
WTF? I skipped the candy because, quite frankly, my son doesn't like it so much. I printed a santa face and we glue a cotton ball on his beard each day.
Eat the candy. I would. I owuldn't have asked or mentioned it. I would just do it.