I finally got around to my introduction yesterday. Not a moment too soon. After I finally got some sleep I found an email in my inbox about Christmas. Fuck. DH and I hadn't had a chance to talk about it yet and someone in his family had to go and try for the let's get everyone together for a good time. Like I posted yesterday, BM is DH's step-sister (technically) so much of their family is related. For some reason they (especially the older ones and BM) expect us to all want to do holidays together. Even after we have all had a conversation with BM's sister and the god parents where they both brought it up to me that they do not want to have everyone together on a holiday and they agree it would be terribly awkward. BM and I both have strong personalities and BM is fake nicey-nice and I would probably have a glass of wine and call her out on her bullshit.

I really love his family friend that said to me recently "family trees are supposed to have branches, not go straight up and down". It made me feel like someone really got what a fucking mess this all is. That was immediately shot down by the god-mother with "but they have kids together". The same god-mother that told me last Christmas that she really thought it would be a bad idea for me and BM to be together on the holidays. This is the same woman who sent the mass email to everyone about the Christmas gathering.

Guess who was the first to respond - BM of course, saying she'd be there. This is DH's Christmas with his kids. You'd think common sense would dictate that she would bow out. NOoooooooooo. Nah, BM has no tact. Especially when it comes to family events. Last year on Thanksgiving I hosted at my home and she found out when it was planned. So she invited everyone we were having over for dinner to her place for appetizers first. Dirty move. My family was here, being social and eating deviled eggs and what not while waiting for turkey while his was here posting on FB about how they were still waiting for the turkey to get done, etc about an hour after our start time. OK, I may still be a little bitter about that one! In fact, I've said I'm not hosting another gathering for his family - though I am tempted with the idea of inviting everyone over for dessert if BM ever hosts }:)

So back to this Christmas. Of course, DH and I end up fighting about it. Even though it has been an agreement of ours, and now requested by family that we don't go to gatherings where BM is. Even when I have to work (shift worker here, woot!) if she's going to be there, they aren't going. That just sends a bad message - PBM is working so DH is allowed to do what he wants. That just looks like I'm being a total bitch and controlling everything when all it really is, is that we expect people to be respectful of me, DH's wife. And if they can't do it he's going to support me. Or that is the theory at least.

His step-father called after we declined the invite and actually did day "well, if PBM is working why wouldn't you go" when we told them of the better alternate plan we had to still see family (not on the same day, unless the grandparents wanted DH and the kids to go up). DH started himming and hawing and I said to him "you need to stand up for me" which is unfortunately not his strong suit (pisses me off because I do not hesitate when it seems like someone is going to wrong him, and I would not let my family put us in this position, ever). And he finally said "because PBM isn't welcome there and I just can't go someplace she's not welcome. That's not how we work". But then we ended up fighting about it and now it seems he will be going to that gathering. Supposedly BM is going to bow out now.

I can't deal with having to remind him to stand up for me. This is so much for anyone to deal with and he knows it (the straight family tree if you will). My mother tried to make me feel better about this by saying something to the effect of "it's only 8 more years til the kids are out of the house" but what's going to happen then? Are they just going to fall off the face of the Earth? Are there going to stop being family gatherings? Hell no!! In fact it will likely get worse!!

It's like anytime anything comes up where he's either going to piss someone off or hurt their feelings he chooses for it to be me. I don't understand it. I don't know how you'd want the person you live with and have to deal with most to be hurt or angry, especially when you're saying you agree with them in one breath!! In my mind that is not a marriage and he is aware of that and says that he agrees with what I'm saying. I just don't know if this is how I want to keep living.