Going Crazy:(
Hey Ladies! I truly need to vent this morning. Last night, my DH left to go pick up a car. I was at home with me my SD and my two BD. I was putting up a load of cloths in my room, when I heard my BD and SD in the kitchen (after supper and kitchen clean) acting hyper, jumping, and smacking each other. I go in there and I tell them to cut it out. Then a few minutes later, I could tell they were fixing something to eat, so I go back in kitchen and I said "girls what are yall doing?" They look at me like FY and said "nothing". I go back into my room finish what I was doing. At approx. 8:00 p.m. I come into the living room grab the remote and start looking for a movie to watch. One of the girls said "what are you doing, we are watching something" I said then you will need to go to your rooms because Im sitting down for the evening and going to watch a movie. They then start being loud again, to me it was to pee me off. So one of the girls to ruffle my feathers, says "Hey guess what, we mixed all three packages of cookies to make one big brownie" I said "good". Then after they ate their monster brownie. They stood in the kitchen actting loud, jumping and disrecpectful. I told the girls to clean their mess up and wash dishes since dishwasher was already half done. One totally ignored me and threw her dishes in the dishwasher and the other holds her bowl up in the air and says "look Im washing my dish, Im washing my dish". I thought to myself,, Okay I have some real smarties in the house tonight. Then they continued to be louder, making pig noises and laughing. I said "Girls, enough! Be quiet or go to your rooms" Then the SD goes "We have no respect, we have no respect" LADIES, I almost lost it. I jumped and I said "you nailed that one, you guys have no respect". I went to call my DH and told him I was leaving to cool off. The entire time the girls were laughing and then went and changed the TV back to their movie. So I leave for a few hours. I come home and the DH said "Where did you go?" and I told him what friends house I went to. He rolls over and goes to sleep. I told him when I got up that he could take the disrespectful spoiled brats to school. He says "whats your problem, what happened". I said, "If it concerned you, you have asked me last night, but you were only concerned with where I went". Then it went into a very heated converation, to where I stated I was leaving. He continued to tell me "They are kids" I told him my kids had plenty of frineds at school and I wasnt one of them. If he is going to allow them to disrespect us and tear the house down and only say they are "Kids" then its not working. I walked into the living room this morning and the girls were in the rooms HEE HAWing over last night. So I stood at the end of the hall and then they turned around to find that I had been listening to them. Ladies we all work hard every day,,, I told the DH this morning that he sugar coats things for them and then comes and sugar coats things with me. He cant please every one. When they do wrong, they should be punished and he needs to stop smoothing every one over and start supporting me. Sorry ladies Im venting... Am I wrong?
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No, you're not wrong.
But you already knew that!
♥ ANNE 8102 ♥
"Stay thirsty, my friends."
~The Most Interesting Man in the World
If you are wrong then so am I
It's interesting, because I had pretty much free reign growing up and now I can't tolerate disrespect. I have become one of the mom's we hated as teens, as in, "Don't go to HER house, her mom's a B---ch!" How in the world did my mom, and most of my friend's mom's not care?
Honestly, I think if my parents were home when I was a teen, I left to get away from them. When we were home, they left to get away from us, just like you did last night.
My concern is that your kids will continue to do whatever it takes to get you to give them back the TV or leave the house.
I take it your H is away at work a lot and you are the main parent in the house?
Me too. It's is unfair for sure, to be the one raising other people's kids by default of proximity.
I also wonder sometimes if I am just too sensitive to teen behavior. I was quiet, except for my loud stereo, and because my brother was head injured and our house was like a hospital wing, I took to heading to my friend's house, or having a BF all the time to escape my house. So my mom just let the stereo go. But you know? Those plaster walls in older houses sure helped muffle sound far better than my newer drywalled home!
Hang in there!
We're with ya
"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra
I hate you let them get the best of you!
Next time send them to their rooms, hmm. Probably get the chance this evening, try it and let me know how it goes. Hubby will eventually support you, because as my dh says "if momma ain't happy, then no one is".
Stepwitch
Thank you Disney for portraying a positive image on all stepmothers!!!!
To demand RESPECT?
I don't think you are. It should be a universal principle no matter who the kids are with or where the kids are. It is very frustrating to know that the behavior is out of line and not have others take you serious. I think it all goes back to setting some ground/house rules. I have the "if the kitchen has been cleaned and you come in a make a mess, then it is YOUR job to clean it." Now if the mess was made before, no problem. I say set your rules and remain consistent with them regardless if DH is on board. You will be the enforcer and everyone hates you. Hopefully he will see that it actually works and backs you. It will take time, but it is very doable. In fact things will actually get worse before they get better because the kids will rebel. No matter how frustrated you are, you must remain consistent or it will never work.
Step Mother's Motto this week is:
You don't have to LOVE me, you don't even have to LIKE me... But you will RESPECT me.
My friend and I
were talking last night about the difference in the society today verus back in "our" day. I look at my situation compared to me growing up and I think to myself "Self your daddy would have knocked you off your feet if you talked to him the way those girls talk to you." Somewhere along the way, I have allowed these little turds to run me over and make me feel like my home isnt mine sometimes. Darn them, I do demand respect! And Im not liked at home by any of the kids unless they want something because of what I ask and what they have to do. But the DH is cool, calm and collective and they run to him every time and he just pats them on the head and says "well you just need to do what she asked or shes in a bad mood" AARRGGGHHH!
Where the frying pan so I can knock them all in the head!!
I have to say that my home
I have to say that my home was never one that my skids wanted to bring their friends to. We didn't allow drinking beer or chewing tobacco or dirty movies. We found out later that many other parents just looked the other way. Makes me really angry because we wanted to teach our children different values, but it didn't work because of parents that wanted to be "cool" for their kids and the kids' friends! They were allowed to talk back to their parents or wear what they wanted to wear. I got branded the evil SM because I wasn't willing to be "cool". Yes, I still have anger issues!!!
Not wrong at all
My SD's were watching "Tila Tequila" on MTV-my husband had told them in the past not to watch because some of it was inappropriate. I said you guys need to turn that off. I walked into my room assuming they would. I walked back out and it was still on-I said turn it off now! I was so mad I went into my room-I mean I yelled-went back out 30 minutes later and they were still watching it. I called DH (he was on his way home) and they were both grounded no tv,phone,computer for 2 weeks. He backed me up on that one:) You are not wrong!!!! My DH didn't support me inthat way at all at first-It took years for him to come to this point and it involved a lot of fighting and talking- Hang in there!!!!
I too had this problem
StressedOut, but I had an 11 y.o. boy trying to watch these types of shows. Not saying that it is better for a girl than a boy to watch them, I just don't want him to grow up thinking that all girls behave this way and it is acceptable. In fact I'm sure you saw the same inappropriateness but from a different angle. So anyways after the 2nd warning (not in the same night) I HANDLED it. I walked in on the 3rd time that he was watching the filth and I didn't say a word, I picked up the controls and utilized the parental controls. The channels were now locked and he could no longer view them. The only thing I said as I walked out was "since you can't be trusted to not watch things that we have deemed inappropriate, we will do it for you." He was mad for a quick second, but he knows that he had been given the opportunity to do what was necessary and opted not to.
DH and I teach from the whole cause and effect, every action has a reaction principle. They know they have choices and negative choices will result in DH & I intervening. They don't get as mad as they used to because we have stayed the course in teaching that. They may not like it, but they have no choice but to accept the consequences. They also know that if they want to have a say, that they should do what they know to be right regardless of who is around. Very deontologic (sense of duty) thinking.
Step Mother's Motto this week is:
You don't have to LOVE me, you don't even have to LIKE me... But you will RESPECT me.
My SD was watching Queen Bees today...
I told her to find something appropriate. "What's wrong with it!" she yelled back to me.
What's wrong is your little mind is too immature to realize it's being warped by a reality show encouraging dramatic, self indulgent, attention seeking behavior as NORMAL.
I could have watched the same show as a teen and not be swayed by it. But SD already acts like those girls at 13 anyway. She doesn't need more reinforcement that her behavior is ok.
"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra
yepper, you're right as rain
If your dh isn't around to discipline sd then you are in charge, correct? So, when bd and sd are acting silly, you as the grown up person have the right to say "go to your rooms" and enforce it. You pay the bills, not them, so until that day comes, they will have to go by your rules...like it or not. You as the adult, grown up, bill-payer person, have the inalienable right to watch what you want your your tv...the little people can go to their fully-furnished rooms and watch tv there. If your house is anything like ours, sending them to their rooms is not any kind of punishment, what with computers, tv's, dvds, etc.
You have the right to be the adult in your house and not be bullied by spoiled kids.
Your DH should have asked how to make the situation better, but like mine, was only interested in where YOU were. My dh would pull something like that.."where were you?" "where are you going?"....Meanwhile, all hell is breaking loose with the skids...Unbelievable! Don't take your dh too personally, after all, he's just a man and they don't think like us...there's probably some weird man-reason why they wonder more about our whereabouts than how to fix the bratty kid issues.
Keep venting girl, we're here for you!
I sympathize with you
I have faced the same situation with SD15, and she is only one child. She used to complain to her father because about 9 pm I would finally wrap up my day and sit down for the first time, and she was ensconced on the couch with the remote. And she would get SO mad when I would ask for it. But there is another TV in the basement she can watch. When I suggested that, she told ME to go to the basement. I don't think so. My house, I pay the bills, I'll watch what I want for one hour of the day. Keep in mind the kid got home from school at 2:30 pm and I didn't get home until 6. She had plenty of time to watch TV. It was a power play to see who daddy would back up. Didn't work.
I have gone so far as to make the TV remote disappear (by taking it to work with me or from room to room in the house). Can't watch the TV without a remote. When she has been grounded from the computer but no one is home to monitor her, I have removed a cable so it won't work. When she is grounded from the phone, I have taken the portable one to work as well.
You have to take charge in your own way in that house. I told my husband that if SD made a big mess and he wasn't willing to step up and make her clean it, he could do it himself. It only took a few times of that before he decided she was capable.