Getting married next year..my fiances kids live with us, feeling very stressed
:? Theres so much i wana write since this is my first blog. Theres no doubt in my mind that i love my fiance and im so excited to marry him, but the thing is, is that for the past year and a half we have had his kids full time with little help from his ex wife. I literally do everything for these kids... And he has a job that leaves him very tired most of the week. So lately i have been feeling like i am taken for granted, he has expressed this once to me about how he thinks he takes me for granted sometimes but lately i just wanna scream!!!!! His ex only takes the kids two weekends a month, IF that! I get outta work before him, make most dinners during the week and even put the kids to bed most nights. His job is very strenuous and he is SUCH a hard worker but it leaves me with very little time with my him 
i went from being a single woman a few years ago to being an instant mom of three... Half the time i am so happy and feel lucky to have the love of my life and three great kids to share my life with, but among wedding plans, working full time in a daycare and not spending enough alone time with my future husband i find myself anxious and stressed to no end!!!! I dont know how else to deal with my anxiety then to have drinks a few times a week and to try and make plans with my friends at least once a week or just some alone shopping time to myself... Its alot to handle, its even harder because i realllllllly love my fiancee and cant wait to be his wife, i also love his kids and want the best for them...the youngest is 8, but its becoming overwhelming to me, especially when my fiancee wants me to be as much a their parent as he is.
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Yes i agree , he is the type
Yes i agree , he is the type who thinks women should do dishes and laundry, which is ok with me... but as for his kids going to bed... They always try to make some excuse to stay up and give me a hard time... I guess its 50/50 and when i make plans with friends he doesnt get upset he knows i need time with them... But the big issue now is... when his kids fight or are rowdy, if HE'S home should it really be MY responsibility to discipline them when hes just lying in bed???
Haha yes its just the fact of
Haha yes its just the fact of the matter i suppose... YES i know how to "scare" them and discipline them to get them into bed but,...... Should i really have to go through that stress when their dad is also in the house?? Lol
It seems that your SO IS
It seems that your SO IS taking you for granted and even worse, using you as a babysitter. I would tell him that they are not your kids and if he wants you to continue to be their caregiver when he is off work and/or in the house then the going rate will be $20 per hour.
If he is home he gets 20 mins to rest. Then he parents HIS kids. Honey, right now you are an onsite babysitter. I wonder how he would feel if you made made noises about finding your own place until he marries you. Moving out and just visiting from time to time when he IS home. I wonder if his true motivation for having you around will show its face?
The fact is that he has 3 kids. They will be part of your world. Right now they treat you like a babysitter with her hands tied up. How much autonomy does he give you? Does he back up your punishments? I would tell anyone involved with a partner who has other children, the other parent could die at any time and you WILL be left to help raise those kids.
Yes he absolutely backs up my
Yes he absolutely backs up my punishments..lately i feel like im their mother (the kids) .. So what ive been doing WITHOUT feeling guilty is go shopping on a saturday , by myself or try to make plans with friends and go home whenever i want... And hes been ok with that or when i hang out with friends.I dont think he cares when he is home with the kids by himself. But because ive been there more often he feels its ok to just fall asleep at 830 and have me deal with anythig else in the house ... I dont think hes a bad person... I love him and we r both still young but his job makes him so damn tired it makes me crazy!!! I work as a toddler daycare teacher!!! Like i am not tired either??? Of course i am! I love his family but should i address this info on his mom and dad??? Or should i look for advice elsewhere??
Thank u for your input.
Thank u for your input. Youve put it like it is and not bullshiitted this situation for me..i think i should at least leave tomorrow all day and maybe make plans for sunday too... Ive already made plans for a girls weekend at my lakehouse next weekend. Ive never loved and cared for any man like this in my life... But sometimes i just wanna punch him in the balls.. And say "are you FUCKiNG serious? I love u , but who do u think I am???"
I wish I could hug you, I
I wish I could hug you, I know exactly how you feel. You need to get rid of the responsibility. You are marrying him but it is not your responsibility to compensate for her lack of parenting, it's his. hold him accountable for what he put on earth and stop this cycle now before you end up like me and married and fighting about a constant changing role. I never know what I am allowed to be reponsible for.
Stop enabling your DH. His
Stop enabling your DH. His excuse is he's too tired sometimes? Well so what! They are his kids and you are tired too! he needs to step up and put on his big daddy pants and start parenting. He sounds like a chauvenist and a selfish man to me. Not sure what you love about him but this is a disaster in the making. Maybe he needs to stop working so much since he has responsibilities at home. He had the kids with BM - not with you. You will never be treated like their mom and noone will appreciate your sacrifices down the road. Keep reading and you will see how it slowly turns into a life of hard work and ungratefullness by both the kids and DH.