So as some of you may know/remember: I just graduated from a University.

Getting this degree was a HUGE accomplishment for me. Especially considering that my mother has always told me that I would never amount to anything and that I had, "no business going to school." She has also gone above and beyond to sabotage or completely destroy any accomplishment or anything I was ever good at.

It's been 9 years since I've had any real contact with my mom. Yes, she is THAT toxic.

Anywho...

My cousin and I were in the same program, at the the same university. Only difference is that my cousin graduated one semester ahead of me - back in April.

My cousin comes to me and asks me how I would feel if my mother came to her commencement ceremony, because my mother has been asking to go. First, I told my cousin that it was HER commencement, so she could have anyone she wanted there. Second, after much reflection, I told my cousin that I found it hurtful that my mom is so insistent on going to her commencement. You see, my mom never does anything without an ulterior motive. Ever! So I told my cousin that I imagine that my mom's plan is to show up at her commencement, flowers and gift in hand, just oozing attention on her "great accomplishment." But that when it was my turn to graduate, I wouldn't hear ANYTHING from her. I figured that it was all just some grand scheme to withhold her attention and pride from MY accomplishment.

My cousin reflected on it and came to the conclusion that I was "probably right." Especially considering that my mom had zero interest in attending my cousins fist commencement when she graduated a few years ago with a different degree.

After all was said and done: my cousin told my mom that she didn't have enough tickets for her to attend the ceremony. However, my mom threw my cousin a HUGE graduation party with the whole family. With gifts, dinner, cake, and everything.

Flash forward to my graduation in August: low and behold, here I sit one month past my graduation and I have heard NOTHING from my mother. That's right, nothing but *crickets*

I know that I shouldn't be surprised. Or even hurt. But I kind of am.

The only thing I've ever *done* to this woman is to be like my father. You know, the father she tried so hard (and for a long time succeeded) to PAS me from. I've committed the mortal sin of refusing to be abused by her.

Anywho... I know that in the end, it doesn't matter. It's just one more moment that she's attempted to crap on something positive in my life. I won't let it get me too down for sure. But her lack of recognition and congratulations has not gone unnoticed. Just the way she meant it to be.

I mean, she could send me an email saying, "Congratulations on your achievement." What would be the worst I could say to that? "Thanks"...? She is supposed to be a MOTHER. And mothers are supposed to be proud of their children's accomplishments.

F*ck. And some people wonder why I refuse to be in relationship with her.

I bet like usual she will tell everyone else that she is proud of me. After all, that would make her look like MOTY and make me look like some sort of asshole. It's always what she does. It's her usual M.O. I've lived it for too long to not know she functions.

(Back when I started going to school and when she told me that I had no business going, she also withheld tribal scholarship information from me. She knew that I was paying cash for my education and that I was struggling to do it. She KNEW that the tribe offered scholarships [she works for the tribe] and she never relayed that information to me. Instead, she watched me struggle...)

I just had to get that out.